Game 8: Seattle 20, Tennessee 18

written 8/29/10; posted 9/17/10

Lucky Seattle, they get to start their first preseason under Pete Carroll with a big, fat dose of big fathead Jeff Fisher. We'll see how naïve Carroll is by how far off-guard, or not, they get caught by Fisher's Neanderthal preseason overcompetitiveness. Watch the fake punt!

I'll say this: this is going to be a very tough game to recap if NFL Network doesn't turn on the sound. Though this is the best I've ever heard from Jamie Dukes. OK, the Seattle feed is on. Curt Menefee's doing the game for the Seahawks, with Warren Moon, of course. We just heard another long-time national announcer, Dick Stockton, doing the Miami game. The Patriots had two national announcers.

In St. Louis? We get the sports guy from the local 9:00 news.

Olindo Mare takes only a two-step run-up on the kickoff because of a mild injury and STILL blasts the opening kick inside the 5. Vince Young takes on an exuberantly loud Seattle crowd from the 22. Boy, that's a huge defensive line the Seahawks start, three DTs and one DE, really, with Red Bryant, Colin Cole, Brandon Mebane and Chris Clemons. Who the hell's supposed to rush the passer? On cue, Young drops back and has all day to hit Nate Washington at the 43. 10 more from Young to Washington out of a rock-solid pocket. SWEET call next, with play-action left to Johnson setting up a wide-open field for Ahmad Hall to take a screen pass for 25. Slant pass to Justin Gage nearly gets them the TD. It takes three tries, but Johnson eventually gets in from a foot and a half out over left tackle. Excellent opening drive for the Titans. The Seahawks have sold out against the run and are having all kinds of trouble rushing the passer and stopping the pass. Titans 7, Seahawks 0

Matt Hasselbeck takes the stage for Seattle at the 20. Ryan Mouton breaks up a deep seam pass to Deon Branch. Hasselbeck goes to Branch again, a 4-yard flare. And to Branch again for 10 and a first. Hey, as much as he's been hurt since they acquired him, they might as well get their dollar's worth out of him. Julius Jones starts at RB if you're looking for what to do with your 12th-round FFL pick. Hasselbeck has to ground a 2nd-down screen and can't whine a holding call out of the refs. Good non-call, btw. Steven Tulloch breaks up a 5-yard pass for John Carlson on 3rd down. That was an unexpectedly pass-happy possession by Seattle.

Tennessee at their 18, with Javon Ringer in for Johnson. After starting 5-5-78, Young falls apart. He drops the snap on 2nd-and-short, then rolls right on 3rd down and has his sideline pass jumped by Josh Wilson for a pick.

That sets Seattle up at the Titans 39, but Jason Babin becomes the one-millionth NFL player to whip Sean Locklear for a sack. Loss of 7. Jones then gets nowhere with a DRAW and drops a 3-YARD SLANT PASS. So Pete Carroll has already learned the nuances of running a dynamic preseason offense, then. The idiot Seahawks literally fall all over themselves trying to kill the punt at the 1 and it gets into the end zone instead.

Early leader in this year's Cheerleader Derby, btw, is the Patriots cheerleaders, by a lot, though largely because I haven't seen a Chargers game yet. Chris Simms at bat now for the Titans. Bryant stuffs Ringer on 2nd down, and on 3rd down, Michael Roos whiffs so badly on Clemons that I originally thought he was blocking for a screen pass. Easy sack for Clemons to force the 3-and-out.

Carroll stays with Hasselbeck, with Seattle in great field position again after a short punt. Quick slant to T.J. Houshmandzadeh for 10 to the Titans 38. Seahawks OC Jeremy Bates gets away with a draw to Jones on 3rd down after Jones gets stuffed on the first two downs. Tulloch, having a sweet night, breaks up another pass. Smoke route to Housh for 3 ends the quarter at the Titans 21.

End of first quarter: Titans 7, Seahawks 0.

James Jones swats down Hasselbeck's third-down pass to force a 44-yard FG out of Mare. Titans 7, Seahawks 3

Poor slant pass from Simms to Kenny Britt incomplete. Didn't the Titans keep Kerry Collins? Bryant whips left tackle #77 on 2nd down and Simms barely gets off a short pass. Titans only get off another 2-yarder on 3rd-and-long. This is Seahawks starters vs. Titans backups, btw.

DID SOMEBODY SAY WATCH THE FAKE PUNT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yes, Fisher breaks out the fake punt. I'm laughing so hard at him, and Seattle for getting burned by it for 15 yards, that I may have to call 911. Fisher takes these games so seriously he is truly pathetic. This being said by a guy attempting to blog every NFL preseason game. Punter Brett Kern threw to Ahmad Hall slipping out of the backfield.

You'd think Fisher would have tried to get the ball downfield after being so desperate as to call a fake punt in the 2nd quarter of a preseason game, but it's meek pass, failed draw, meek pass with Craig Terrill coming in untouched on Simms off a stunt, forcing a real punt this time. Menefee and Moon are going nuts about the Seattle pass rush without emphasizing that it's their starters against Tennessee's backups.

From the 18. Charlie Whitehurst, the guy Seattle gave up so much for that you wish Pete Carroll was in your fantasy league, is the new QB. Quinton Ganther burns his old team for 10+ on a circle route. Justin Forsett bounces outside left off a Russell Okung block for 13. Continues to be Seahawk starters vs. Titans subs in the trenches. 3rd-and-1 near midfield, Whitehurst burns a Titan blitz with a pass to Mike Williams, who makes Mouton look absolutely pathetic with a move that wasn't even that special and runs up the sideline for a 51-yard TD. That's Mike Williams the USC draft bust that finally got Matt Millen fired in Detroit. Blitz led to no deep safety help. Yeah, yeah, WHITEHURST RULEZZ. Never mind that it would have been a TD pass for me thanks to Mouton's pathetic play. He so overplayed to Williams' outside shoulder that the big WR's inside move made him look like a total goof. Bad tackling directly caused by a major size mismatch. Seahawks 10, Titans 7

Ringer makes a great cutback and finds a nice seam off LG, with Eugene Amano taking care of the middle linebacker, and dashes through the Seahawk secondary for 48 before Earl Thomas finally catches up to him. Simms wastes that big play a couple of plays later by foot-signaling for the shotgun snap, then starting to wander around like he's Peyton Manning making audibles. The center smacks him right in the chest with the snap and it bounces to Seattle for a turnover. Viva preseason!

On 3rd-and-8, Forsett beats LB#51 out of the backfield for about 30 to the Titans 45. Eric Bakhtiari smokes the RT for a sack the next play, though Whitehurst had a lot of time to unload. Deep slant to Ben Obamanu makes up for that. Good throw and good grab. First down at the 30. Forsett sweeps right for 6. The Whitehurst for NFL MVP Train comes crashing to a halt, though, with an interception directly to Mouton. Not Whitehurst's fault, though; he was expecting Williams to continue his route out to the sideline.

Whitehurst has a strong arm, looks accurate, looks good on his feet and has decent pocket presence. He has such a long, loopy throwing motion, though, it's no surprise he was a late draft pick (I think) and still a significant surprise that anybody would give up the farm to get him.

3:00 till halftime. A short Ringer run gets us to the 2:00 warning. Will Herring blasts Kenny Britt to break up a short pass. Britt beats Kelly Jennings deep up the sideline on 3rd-and-long but Simms overthrows everybody.

1:38 for Whitehurst from his 23 after the punt. A 2-yard pass to Golden Tate eats up 25 seconds and he drops a quick slant the next play while tightly covered. STUPID FUCKING DRAW to Forsett gets nowhere. Practice your 2:00 offense! You're in the last two minutes, morons!

If Seattle's going to run draw plays in that game situation all year, I'll actually be happy to play them twice this year.

0:53 for Simms from his 31. I'll put the over/under on first downs this possession at 1. And bet the under. DRAW TO RINGER for 7. That encourages a 4-wide formation the next play, and Simms hits TE Walter Cook for a couple. Timeout with :24 left. Deep post to Cook is high and incomplete, and I WIN MY BET!!! Punt's out of bounds with :12 left, and Seattle grinds it out from there, though not without a major shoving match between the two teams that threatens to extend the half. Whew, dodged a bullet there.

Halftime score: Seahawks 10, Titans 7.

Whitehurst leads Seattle from their 20 to start the half. Ganther is his new tailback and goes around left end for 6. Okung is still in the game, and could have been credited with TWO pancakes on that play. Ganther cuts back right and rips through the middle to the 40. Great blocking by Seattle there, too, though Okung has limped off the field. Whitehurst gets a nice pocket on third-and-short and throws a nice, tight pass to TE Cameron Morrah on a drag route for a first down. The two connect again at the Tennessee 30 on another third-and-short. Seattle's second-unit line is firmly in control of the line of scrimmage, though they are better-rested. Bad pass behind Williams on a skinny post. They then run their THIRD STRAIGHT DRAW PLAY ON SECOND AND LONG, NONE OF WHICH HAS WORKED. Third-and-11, a slant to Kyle Heckendorf isn't quite where it needed to be, was dropped, and wouldn't have been a first down anyway. Olindo Mare and Josh Brown are sure having outstanding preseasons, though, for kickers who are supposed to be injured. Mare strokes it perfectly from 45. Seahawks 13, Titans 7.

Punter Jon Ryan takes over on kickoffs for Seattle now. Simms to set out from the 26. He needs a timeout after a poor 4-yard flare to the tight end and is just not having a good night. The Dopily-Spelled Telecom Stadium crowd has been an impressive factor. Britt double-clutches a bullet pass at the 39 to keep Tennessee alive. BIG block by fullback #44 lets Stafon Johnson rip around right end for about 15. So, just as the Titan offense appears to be hitting its stride for the first time since the opening possession, HOLDING on Fernando Velasco. About three guys get to Simms on third-and-a-mile. TV gives the sack to Dexter Davis; I give it to Craig Terrill, who got there with a sweet spin move; also, LDE Raheem Brock really bullrushed RT Mike Otto to bottle things up.

Seattle reboots at their 34. Nice slant pass to Obamanu for 13. Deon Butler's third down route is well short, but he makes up for it on 4th-and-2 (Note to Steve Spagnuolo: you're allowed to go for those), burning Mouton AGAIN, deep out of a 4-WR look for 36. One of the officials does NOT penalize Pete Carroll for illegally being on the field during the play, elbowing him back toward his sideline instead. Throw the flag! Whitehurst rolls right and hits Morrah inside the 5. And the Titans leave rookie TE Anthony McCoy wide open right inside the goal line for the TD. Jeff Fisher must be wondering, “What the hell happened? I ran our fake punt and everything.” Seahawks 20, Titans 7.

Someone named Rusty Smith – seriously? - is the new Tennessee QB, and LaGarette Blount, hopefully keeping his helmet on, is the new tailback. But it's Stafon Johnson who Smith throws an eight-yard shovel to out to the 40 as the quarter ends.

End of third quarter: Seahawks 20, Titans 7.

That last play was the play where Johnson's ankle was badly mangled, bringing a sudden and sad ending to one of this season's inspiring comeback stories, Johnson having come back from a weight room injury that nearly killed him at USC. This kid has sacrificed a ton for football and deserves better luck than he's getting. Menefee, Moon and the Seattle broadcast do a terrific job with this situation; so does the Seattle crowd. When Blount replaces Johnson, Moon comes thisclose to saying the feel-good story's being replaced by a feel-bad story. Somebody get Warren Moon a national broadcasting job right now (if he doesn't have one).

Meanwhile, Smith gets extremely lucky and an interception goes through CORD PARKS' hands and into Paul Williams' for a first down at Seattle's 40. Parks gets revenge a couple of plays later; he and Jamar Adams light up Williams on third down to force a 46-yard FG. Seahawks 20, Titans 10.

With about 12:45 left, UFL refugee J.P. Losman gets the call for Seattle at the 20. Raiders refugee Louis Rankin blasts off left tackle for 16. That, though, is where the drive bogs down, with Losman throwing a couple of short routes hard but incomplete.

10:23 left, Titans at their 19. Not much urgency for a team down 10 points; line plunge, short pass, short pass, and the last is dropped by Paul Williams on third down. That might be his third drop tonight. The Titans wish Paul Williams the best in his future endeavors. Took this game a while but it has smacked the wall pretty hard.

Seattle at their 14 with 8:49 left. Hey, a Ruvell Martin sighting! He makes a 2-yard catch on 2nd down and was the intended receiver on 3rd down, but Losman really hung a sideline pass behind him and somebody named Alterraun Verner jumps the route and picks it off. I'd have died on the spot if they revealed his name was spelled "Alderaan". Fisher is jumping up and down like he just got picked to Come on down! as the next contestant on The Price is Right. Why so little urgency the last time you had the ball then? Somebody get Fisher his lithium pills.

Since this is obviously such a vital game, Carroll challenges the call. Great work by the TV crew again; they come up with a perfect replay, and there's pretty much nothing for Peter Morelli to overrule, even if Verner didn't catch it, you can't see it. Tennessee ball.

Tennessee's quickly down to the 12 after a 16-yard completion to TE Steven Phelan (sp?) (sp?). Then Smith pulls out too early from center. Viva preseason! 1st-15. Parks manages to drop an interception in the end zone, a pass that Smith threw so softly it had hang time on it. Most people's DOGS could have caught that ball on the fly in their mouths. Certainly Captain Jack the Maniac could have. The Seahawks wish Cord Parks the best in his future endeavors. Obvious pass interference in the end zone on Marcus Brown two plays later sets Tennessee up at the 1, though. You are never going to be inconspicuous as a defensive back on any play wearing jersey number FOUR, Marcus. Change that immediately. Blount needs three tries but finally crosses the goal line with 4:35 to go. Seahawks 20, Titans 16

Fisher receives infinite credit from me next for having the presence of mind to remember to go for two here and guarantee the game won't be a tie. Smith hits Mark Mariani at the goal line for the two-point conversion. Seahawks 20, Titans 18

Parks returns the ensuing kickoff to the 29. Three Ganther carries and a Losman QB sneak grind the clock down to 2:00. On the sneak play, #67 rips Steve Vallos' helmet off his head without a call. And, no, FUCKING FISHER USES HIS LAST TIMEOUT AT 2:03 TO ENSURE THIS GAME WILL TAKE AN ETERNITY TO END.

Seahawks need to convert a 3rd-and-short with 1:59 to stick a fork in this thing. My money's on a punt. I win again. They stupidly hand off to Ganther up the middle and he loses a yard. No rest for the Preseason Challenge, thanks a lot, Carroll.

Good punt return by Mariani sets Tennessee up at their 28 with 1:00 left. FOUR-YARD PASS. There goes 20 seconds. Smith throws the next pass directly to Cam Chancellor. He's a Seattle DB. That throw would have fallen ten feet short of the receiver it was aimed at; it was so bad, I have no idea what Rusty Smith was thinking of when he threw it, other than a hope that the Home Depot is hiring. The Titans wish Rusty Smith the best in his future endeavors.

Final score: Seahawks 20, Titans 18.

Player of the game: Seattle fans are probably going to say Jesus Whitehurst, but my POTG's going to head coach Pete Carroll. The biggest difference in this game was that Seattle's starters stayed in longer. So not only did they reap that advantage, their second-string was fresher than Tennessee's when they came in. Seattle got most of their 20 points off that advantage. So for having the winning player rotation, Carroll goes home with the honors.

What did we learn: Not too damn much. Seattle's offense didn't do anything against Tennessee's starters, especially on the ground. Same for their D. I'll repeat that they're going very big on their d-line this year and selling out against the run. Rams are going to have to pass to set up the run if they're going to end the NFL's most undeserved winning streak by one team over another this season. Britt's an enigmatic guy in Tennessee; pretty illuminating he played so late into the game. Doesn't seem like Jeff Fisher's willing to trust him yet.

Up next: Hold on, I don't know, I have to check. OK, Lions at Steelers. Keep 'em coming!

Game 7: Miami 10, Tampa Bay 7

written 8/29/2010; posted 9/17/10

The slowest Preseason Challenge in memory jerks back to life with what's regularly one of the worst preseason matchups, Dolphins and Buccaneers. We've got the Dolphins broadcast, which is not quoting Shula, or Lombardi, or Halas in the intro: they're quoting Thoreau. Nobody says Florida and football like the author of Walden, I guess.

Reflecting Florida's aging population, the Dolphin broadcast crew is Bob Griese (who immediately calls the head coach “Coach Soprano,” Nat Moore and 109-year-old Dick Stockton. It is raining large cats and large dogs in Miami at kickoff.

Chad Henne starts the first leg of this swim meet at his 17. Dolphins starting LG, btw, is Richie Incognito. Ronnie Brown goes behind him and center for 8 and Miami's first down, and 7 more the next carry. Holding penalty kills the drive a play later, surprisingly, a penalty not on Incognito, but Vernon Carey. They idiotically try a FUCKING SCREEN PASS on third-and-a-mile during a hurricane and it unsurprisingly fails, with Ganja Boy as the intended receiver. Penalty killed a good Miami drive.

Ironically, tonight's deluge is coming to us from Sun Life Stadium. Bucs got a good kick return from Sammie Stroughter and Josh Freeman will set off from the 46. Maurice Stovall on the sideline for 8, then Cadillac spins off a tackle and goes up the middle for 8 more. Koa Misi flushes Freeman for a 6-yard scramble after a false start, and flushes him again on 3rd down, with Channing Crowder keeping him short of the first. Jared Odrick is also a rookie starter for the Dolphins d-line. Bucs kill the punt at the 6. Misi's pressure was the story of that drive.

This rivalry is usually a slopfest without the pouring rain. Quick slant attempt to Brandon Marshall is broken up, and after another false start, amazingly another penalty not on Incognito, Lousaka Polite nearly bobbles a short circle pass away to the Bucs. Luckily, their punter Brandon Fields nails a 59-yard bomb to make Tampa work for their points.

Bucs run right with success, 8 for Cadillac, 5 for Ward, then go deep down the sidelines for Mike Williams on 3rd-and-3 later for 25. That's Mike Williams from Syracuse. That gets them inside the 15, and Freeman makes a wonderful play two plays later, sliding well in the pocket and finding Stroughter all alone at the 2 for a TD. Lousy coverage by Sean Smith there; that assignment was pretty clearly his, and he's five yards off Stroughter with both feet in his own end zone. Bucs 7, Dolphins 0

Tampa was certainly not afraid to let Freeman throw downfield in very sloppy conditions, PAT SHURMUR. From his 25, Henne rolls right and hits Anthony Fasano at the sideline for 10. Wobbly pass is BRUTALLY FUCKING DROPPED by Marshall. Heh. Enjoy your purchase, Miami. Henne keeps throwing miserable wobblers, one not within 5 yards of a Dolphin on 2nd down and one dropped by Brian Hartline on 3rd down. P.U. Check the weather report if you're dumb enough to have Henne on your fantasy team in 2010. He's worse in the rain than an Indy car.

27-yard line for the Bucs. No, the 17. Either they missed a penalty, or Stockton is drunk, or Stockton is senile. Possibly all 3. Josh Johnson has entered the game at QB. Vontae Davis trips up Derrick Ward for a loss. After a false start, Johnson throws a pass with nice velocity through Michael Clayton's worthless hands. Johnson then takes off for 18 off a designed QB draw for a first down despite the snap nearly going over his head.

Have I mentioned in this blog that if defenses WON'T STOP STUPID DRAW PLAYS ON THIRD AND LONG, OFFENSES WILL NEVER QUIT RUNNING THEM? Actually, this preseason may be making that a viable play call again.

End of first quarter: Bucs 7, Dolphins 0.

Bucs come out bombing to start the second quarter, PAT SHURMUR, but #15's route is really bad and the pass is easily picked off by Sean Smith. That looked like a blatantly stupid throw by Johnson, but I think the ball was where it was supposed to be; the receiver was not. Corner route's got to end up a lot closer to the sideline than that.

Replay shows QB and receiver were so far off on the INT because safety Chris Clemons jumped the route nicely. Dolphins kill themselves with a FALSE START AGAIN, but astonishingly, yet another penalty not on Incognito. Henne completes some short passes but a STUPID FUCKING SCREEN to Ganja Boy on 3rd-and-5 actually loses 5. CB E.J. Biggers shut that down nicely. Though the Dolphins may want to think about putting him on a pitch count, Fields launches a 61-yard blast. He's probably the only thing keeping the Dolphins in the game.

The NFL knows that the “Snatch and grab it” song they play in one of their commercials isn't exactly about buying football tickets, don't they? This same organization banned “Rock and Roll Part 2” in its stadiums because of Gary Glitter's pedophilia arrest thirty years after the song was recorded. Similarly, it's amazing how many smutty songs from the first half of last century are in regular use in TV commercials for wholesome products.

Bucs cross midfield while I'm on that rant thanks to the legendary Josh Johnson-Brian Purvis (sp?) connection, for 15 and 10. You can't stop Brian Purvis, you can only hope to contain him. Bucs call timeout, then, naturally, false-start the next play. And they hold the next. 1st-25 at the Buc 42, I assume we can write off this drive. SCREEN on first down, nice pass breakup by Nolan Carroll on 2nd, RETARDED FUCKING DRAW on 3rd, that Ward fumbles back to Miami anyway, proves me right. Bucs deserved that turnover for their crappy play-calling.

It took longer than I thought, but as usual, a Tampa-Miami game has run smack into the preseason wall before it's even halftime. Tyler Thigpen diving in now at QB for the Dolphins from his own 46. First sack of the night as Michael Bennett whips Andrew Gardiner right off the snap and drops Thigpen before he can even figure out what's going on. Dolphins at least have the decency to wing it deep on 3rd-and-long, but Greg Camarillo, not yet a Viking, is well-covered and the throw is a little long. Fields, clearly wearing out, only kicks this punt 50 yards.

LB Micah Johnson lets the Bucs out of a hole by taking Josh Johnson down way late. 3rd-and-3 from the 42, Josh gets all night to throw and hits Stroughter over the middle for 17. Exact opposite happens the next play. Nearly every Dolphin rusher gets to Johnson, the ball slips out of his hand on the drawback in classic Football Follies fashion, and Paul Soliai jumps on the loose ball (and probably flattens it) to get Miami the ball back at the Tampa 45. About 3:20 till halftime.

Immediately going DOWNFIELD, PAT SHURMUR, off play-action, Thigpen drills Patrick Turner wide open across the zone for 35. 1st-goal. Ganja Boy puffs his way down to the 5. 2:00 warning.

The Bucs stuff Ganja on 2nd down, though, and a terrible snap in the baseball infield part of the field, which has been primordial muck from the kickoff, scoots past Thigpen on 3rd-and-goal and Tampa jumps on it for a big turnover.

Bucs run safety middle handoffs, and Miami calls defensive timeouts, BECAUSE THIS HALF HASN'T BEEN LONG ENOUGH ALREADY. Micah Johnson stuffs Ward for a big loss on 3rd down to force a punt with :59 left. Nobody blocked him, and Ward ran right into him.

I've seen the idea out there that the Rams try to trade for Ward to replace Chris Ogbonnaya. The field is total slop tonight, but from what I've seen, Ward isn't any better. He's got the acceleration of a tractor-trailer. Going uphill. Dolphins get the short punt and short field they were hoping for. They're at the Tampa 39 with 49 seconds left in the half.

Marlon Moore drops the STUPID FUCKING SMOKE PASS to start the drive. Then A STUPID FUCKING HANDOFF to Brown. The Dolphins called all those defensive timeouts so they could get the ball back and run THESE plays? Late hit by Sabby Piscitelli makes their strategy look good. 15 yards down to the 23. Thigpen can't connect with a well-covered Turner in the back of the end zone, though, and I can't believe this – they're going to have their kicker try a FG from out of the mud mess. Dan Carpenter hits it, though, from 34. Impressive. Half ends with a squib kick and a Johnson kneel.

Halftime score: Bucs 7, Dolphins 3. Another electrifying Tampa-Miami preseason game.

Arrelious Benn returns the 2nd-half kickoff, shows little speed, slips at the 22. Pretty much his senior year in a nutshell. Josh Johnson remains QB for Tampa. Johnson completes a pass to himself, batted at the line, for a 10-yard loss. VIVA PRESEASON! I'm not the only person who feels like this game's been going on forever; Stockton just identified it as the second preseason game. It's the first. Hilariously, on 3rd-and-very long, the shotgun snap rolls to Johnson, he's about to gets sacked, and trying to throw it away down the near sideline, HITS Michael Spurlock with an amazing leaning, tip-toeing catch for 20 and a first down. Spurlock completely juked CB Nate Ness by faking a run back toward Johnson and then heading back upfield. End-around to the dangerously-not-speedy Benn loses 4. Hey, at least it was creative. Kareem Huggins gets a huge hole off left tackle courtesy of Ted Larsen and poor safety play for a 35-yard run. Follow that with another classic preseason play; Johnson slips and falls trying to roll left, tries to keep the play alive but two Dolphins are bearing down on him the whole way and he LOSES 14 yards. Took them well out of FG range. A punt saves us from any more of Johnson's adventures and misadventures.

Dolphins start at their 6. Lex Hilliard, another target of Rams fans looking for a backup to Steven Jackson, bounces outside for 3. He gets a screen for 6 more. I believe Thigpen is still at QB for Miami. Michael Bennett gets a direct beeline on Thigpen on 3rd-and-1 and forces a bad pass and a 3-and-out. Looks like #63 missed his blocking assignment; Bennett walked in all alone on the QB. Another moonshot punt by Fields, but the coverage doesn't catch up this time and Tampa returns it to the 40.

Rudy Carpenter is your new Bucs QB. Really? Jevan Snead couldn't even beat out this guy? Bucs ruin a big tackle-for-loss by Dotson (missed blocking assignment by Larsen) with a screen to Huggins that gets 15 and a first, and he takes off for about 20 more. I'm in a church fantasy league with 10 players and 16 rounds; Kareem Huggins may be drafted in it. Carpenter fails to get the Bucs inside the Miami 30, though, and Hunter Lawrence just barely misses right on a 49-yard FG attempt. At least interesting things happen when Tampa has the ball. Miami has been mostly crap.

Thigpen remains at the wheel for Miami. He hits Marlon Moore for a first down at midfield, then Hilliard for 11 on a screen, followed by Moore making a sideline catch for 34 more down to the 11. Moore came back well for that ball and then cut it back across the field, a mini-version of Isaac Bruce's TD catch in Super Bowl XXXIV. Thigpen hits the backup fullback Lumbala (the Ugandan Giant?) at the 2. Hilliard blasts in off right tackle to put energy into the home crowd for the first time tonight. Thigpen finally got into good rhythm that drive, and Moore's catches made the drive. Keep an eye on him if the Rams need a waiver wire pickup later this month.

End of third quarter: Dolphins 10, Bucs 7.

Bucs disembark from their 25. Pat Shurmur offense fails again as the Bucs three-and-out on three dink passes, with Spurlock dropping the pass on 3rd down.

13:17 to play. Thigpen throws a fairly wild sideline pass. Hilliard draws for 6. Quick hitch to Turner for the 1st. Hey, maybe Shurmur-ball works after all. Running with nice power, Hilliard sweeps left for 3. Thigpen's 2nd-down pass is batted down at the line, and his 3rd-down pass is behind Turner and incomplete to force a punt. Pretty crappy series for Thigpen. Also for Fields, whose 7th punt of the night is only an attempt; it's blocked by Cory Lynch. Lynch? #41? For the Bucs? A relative?

10:45 left and the Bucs are already in scoring range at the Miami 30. Like that they immediately go for the end zone after the turnover, but Ness nearly picks it off. Chris Brooks stabs a high pass out of the air over the middle for 15, and Carlos Brown chugs inside the 5 to set the Bucs up nicely. Brown is stuffed twice, though. The Bucs bring Huggins back in on 3rd down, and Carpenter goes to Terrence Nunn double-teamed in the end zone. He drops it. Raheem Morris has the decency not to try to tie a preseason game in the 4th quarter. Carpenter throws a quick slant to the goal line, and Nunn fails to come up with it again, with Ness breaking it up. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers wish Terrence Nunn the best in his future endeavors.

Dolphins inside their own 5 with about 6:30 left, Thigpen still at QB. No Pat White at all tonight, apparently. Two completions to Julius Pruitt get them out of the shadow of their goalpost. Tampa starts spending timeouts with 3:20 to go. Lynch breaks up a 3rd-down pass in the middle of the field with 3:00 left. Fields' punt is truly poor this time and Preston Parker returns it across midfield.

2:49 to go at the Miami 45. Carpenter throws behind Benn, who looks awful trying to come up with the incomplete pass anyway. 5 to Brooks. 13 gets wide open up the seam, burning the crap out of Kevin Hobbs, and Carpenter does a fine job hitting him at the 10, but 31 strips him of the ball. Rashad Jones scoops it up and it should put the game away for Miami. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers wish #13 the best in his future endeavors.

No, here's Pat White in the game now at his own 9. He gets to hand off once and then kneel out the clock. Thrillsville.

Final score: Dolphins 10, Bucs 7.

Player of the game: Miami's secondary made a couple of huge plays, and there's the miracle of Richie Incognito performing in an NFL game without committing a penalty, but tonight's POTG is, of course, the PUNTER, Brandon Fields. His bombs kept Tampa from absolutely dominating the field position battle and that, along with Buc receivers who can't tie their own shoes, was the main reason Miami didn't get beaten rather soundly tonight.

What did we learn: Miami-Tampa continues to be the league's most dreadful preseason rivalry. It should be euthanized. I thought both teams managed pretty good running games. Miami with Brown, and Tampa with Cadillac and Huggins. Didn't like Derrick Ward at all. Michael Bennett will be a great pass rush threat for Tampa this season if opponents continually forget to block him, like Miami did. Henne's performance tonight leaves an uncomfortable number of questions, but let's keep the weather in mind for now. Not like Thigpen set the world on fire anyway.

Up next: Tennessee at Seattle. It will do my heart good to see somebody else in our division having to put up with Jeff Fisher's passive-aggressive preseason crap for a change.

Game 6: Philadelphia 28, Jacksonville 27

We jump right back in with a matchup between two infrequent opponents, though two of my favorites to misspell: the Eggles and the Jagwires in Philadelphia. Donovan McNabb's old team will try to match the success of his old team in week 1. The Eggle broadcast crew has Charlie Casserly and a bunch of people I've never heard of.

Kevin Kolb will launch the Eggles from the 24. Very solid pocket on first down and he hits DeSean Jackson with a nice quick slant pass over the middle that Jackson takes off with for 21. After two LeSean McCoy carries for 5, Kolb scrambles out of double-trouble on 3rd down and scrambles for 6. Kolb gets forever off a draw fake the next play and guns to Jeremy Maclin a l l a l o n e in the middle of the field for 30. After McCoy goes off right tackle for 4, Kolb's nearly picked off by Gerald Alexander on 2nd down and Brent Celek bobbles a rifle pass out the back of the end zone on third down. Very nice pace to the Eggle offense early, but it takes David Akers to put them on top. Eggles 3, Jagwires 0

David Garrard's first pass is batted back in his face by Brodrick Bunkley. Quick hitch to Mike Sims-Walker gets only a couple. The drive finishes with a short out to Marcedes Lewis three yards short of the first down. Lewis was coming back for that ball and NEVER would have gotten a first down out of it. Probably smart of the Jagwires to work on their passing game in the preseason. The early returns: They'd better be able to run.

Kolb gets the Eggles out of a 3rd-and-8 hole by stepping up and drilling Celek in the middle of the field at the 46, then out of a 3rd-and-10 hole by drilling Jackson at the Jagwire 28. McCoy then pounces up the middle for 8 more. That's followed by the 2010 debut of the Michael Vick Project. Vick rolls left and hits Celek in the flat down to the 14. Gene Steratore bogs down the Eggle momentum with a holding call. Jags make a key play to tip away an end zone pass to a wide-open Maclin and hold Philadelphia to another Akers boot. Eggles 6, Jagwires 0

Well-blocked kick return to the 44 for former SIU Saluki Deji Karim. Garrard and Maurice Jones-Drew appear to muff their first handoff and it loses 2. Garrard sidearms to MJD for 6. Sims-Walker fails to hang onto the third-down pass as the Jagwire passing game continues to sputter. Don't know how the Eggles managed not to block the punt; a guy came in clean. Jags make them regret it by downing the punt at the 1.

Kolb hits Jason Avant short and gets a gift from the referees on a poor slant pass well behind Maclin in the form of a DPI call on Rashean Mathis. So. On the field tonight, there's a DeSean, a LeSean, a Rashean, and a just-Sean (Considine, who broke up a pass earlier). McCoy fires up the middle for 10, and Jackson takes an end-around for 17 while being barely touched, thanks especially to a wicked juke on Anthony Smith. That ends the first quick first quarter this summer.

End of first quarter: Eggles 6, Jagwires 0.

Vick takes over at QB to start the 2nd and immediately hits Riley Cooper with a perfect 46-yard bomb inside the 10. Pat Shurmur doesn't even dream of calling that play, let alone seeing it run successfully by Rams players. A penalty dings the Eggles, followed by Scott Starks breaking up a pass, followed by Larry Hart just barely tripping Vick on a scramble attempt, which was big, because on 3rd and goal, Derrick Harvey sacks Vick, and as we see on replay after the commercial break, also batted the ball free backwards out of his throwing hand, creating a fumble that Smith scoops up and returns to the 44. I'm not a Vick fan, at all, but the Jagwires were on him in about two seconds there and Harvey made a heck of a nice play. I'm not sure Vick had time even to secure the ball better than he did.

Garrard strikes Mike Thomas over the middle at the Eggle 40 as the Jagwires not only keep the starters in but appear to have gone to a no-huddle offense. Next, though, a screen pass laughably far over the intended receiver's head, a flare for 7 and a slant pass laughably behind Sims-Walker. On 4th down, Sims-Walker fails to come up with a deep seam pass over his head around the 10. Marc Bulger drunk is a more accurate passer than David Garrard.

I spend the commercial break trying desperately not to fall in love with Eggles sideline reporter Jamie Apote, a younger, blonde Suzy Kolber with the husky voice happening and everything.

Vick drills Jordan Norwood near midfield for a first down. They really want to see him throw. Classic Vick play next - he sprints away from a corner blitz and fires one up the sideline, but not quite good enough for the receiver to keep his feet in bounds. Eldra Buckley is apparently RB2 in Philly but he isn't getting much of anywhere. Cooper is, though, beating a hold by William Middleton to make a catch inside the Jagwire 40. Vick then beats a blitz by swinging a pretty screen pass to Buckley, who's all alone and gets upfield for 16-17 more. That was the first screen pass this preseason I actually enjoyed watching. 8 more to Buckley, who is knocked woozy. Vick next actually tries to look downfield and ignore the dreaded developing bubble screen, but ends up firing a blank into the ground. Foiled on the stupid bubble screen, the Eggles then go to the stupid draw play, which the Jagwires dutifully stuff to send Akers out yet again. Eggles 9, Jagwires 0

That was a pretty damn impressive drive for Vick, but the Eggles staff better get their shit together in the red zone.

Luke McCown QBing now for the Jags. Rashad Jennings is the new tailback. After a penalty - w-o-w, Wow, McCown rolls right, ignores the stupid dumpoff option to the fullback and fires a beautiful deep ball down the sideline to Troy Williamson, who beat Joselio Hanson downfield by five yards despite an illegal contact penalty. 73-yard TD. Eggles 9, Jagwires 7

5:30 left till halftime for Vick, from his 35. He follows a pretty 8-yard pass to Kelley Washington with a poor pass behind a wide-open Cooper over the middle. He simply sprints out up the sideline for 10 and a first down. I imagine that was designed. Alexander burns the snot out of Don Carey up the far sideline several plays later for about a 35-yard DPI. Eggles at the 12 as Vick's mobility and cannon arm are having a vintage-Vick effect on the Jagwire 2nd-string D. Classic Vick the next play, too, as pressure and lack of open receivers lead him to bounce outside, sprint up the sideline, fake Reggie Nelson completely out of his jock, and walk in for the TD. Another wow for tonight's game. Eggles 16, Jagwires 7

Hey, there's Bobby April on the Eggles sideline. I'm sure they'll be leading the league in special teams in no time, since he's great anywhere EXCEPT SAINT LOUIS. McCown at the 21, 2:19 in the half. He drills Williamson running free in the Eggle zone for 28. 2:00 warning comes as Luke tries to show Michael Vick's not the only gunslinger in the house tonight.

Jags come out of the 2:00 drill with a SMOKE ROUTE the Eggles promptly swallow up, and they don't follow that with a timeout. Why are you f'ing around with passes that aren't downfield then? McCown follows with a dart to TE Zach Miller for about 20, then after Steratore's Penalty Special of the Day, illegal contact, he throws a deadly-beautiful TD pass to one John Matthews splitting the zone at the goal line for a 31-yard TD. McCown and Vick both look like they should be starting QBs based on this game. Eggles 16, Jagwires 14

41 seconds is probably plenty for Vick to get the Eggles another score. He sprints out of trouble for 18 across midfield. Timeout. Vick then does set up a score. For Jacksonville. He spins out of trouble and fires an unfortunate pass directly to Michael Coe, who returns the interception up the sideline to the Eggle 26. Sorry, but that's the bad Vick his backers always seem to forget you get along with the good Vick who made the cool sprintouts earlier.

What a stupid play to end the half by the Jagwires. With :08 to go, they call for a pass, McCown scrambles around forever, and lets the ball go out of bounds with no time left on the clock.

Except the Eggles even more stupidly kept the half alive with an illegal hands to the face penalty. Josh Scoby drills the FG, and the Jagwires win the first half.

End of first half: Jagwires 17, Eggles 16.

Saluki Karim, who has thighs more befitting a Saint Bernard, weaves through BOBBY APRIL'S SPECIAL TEAMS for a 68-yard kick return to open the 2nd half. The Jags then befuddle me completely with a SMOKE PASS and a LINE PLUNGE to generate 3rd-and-8. DT Boo Robinson spooks his way up the middle untouched to hit McCown, forcing a bad pass and a long Scoby FG. Jagwires 20, Eggles 16

Sideline kink, or the worst re-enactment of "8 1/2 Weeks" ever, sees the Eggles mascot feeding Jamie Apote chocolate ice cream on the sideline. I've got nothing.

Vick pilots the Eggles from the 31. Surprisingly, it's a 3-and-out as a DT gets to Vick in the pocket and knocks the ball out of his hand. Guess who did that.

DOOZER!

WHAT THE? NFL Network takes a huge skip here and is going to force me to do a lot of Audiopass recon during the week, jumping from 11:15 left in the quarter all the way to 3:38. Thanks for creating the extra work for me, guys.

Eggles have the ball again, at the Jag 42. Still 20-16, Vick still at QB. One Chad Hall attains light speed around the right corner and gets up the sideline for 22. Not so successful up the middle: no gain. 5-yard completion continues the Chad Hall show. Vick rolls left but fires far too deep for a receiver in the corner of the end zone. Akers survives a roughing penalty by Coe and hits yet another FG. Jagwires 20, Eggles 19

Jags coil to spring from their 33 but false start before the camera can even get back on the field. That has to be a first. Another brilliant pass by McCown, to well-covered TE Mike Caussin at the 45. LB Moise Fokou goes down behind the play like he's been shot, which can't be good. He's helped off the field with what I imagine is a significant ankle injury.

Great Caesar's Ghost, when did Luke McCown become Kurt Warner? Another freaking perfect TD bomb, to Tiquan Underwood for 55 yards, beating Geoffrey Pope downfield by almost 5 yards. Some of the Jag WRs are flashing lethal deep speed tonight, and McCown, who's been mediocre at best most of his NFL career, is stealing the show. Jagwires 27, Eggles 19

Vick has metamorphosed into Mike Kafka for the rest of the game. Martell Mallett gains 10 off left tackle to end the third quarter.

End of third quarter: Jagwires 27, Eggles 19.

Kafka opens the 4th with a deep pass well short of Jared Perry, a receiver I don't remember playing for Mizzou, but who did. The Jag DB interfered blatantly on the play, though, making the pass look worse than it really was and giving the Eggles a penalty gain all the way to the 24. Two plays later, Mallett hammers his way up the middle and down to the 4. Just for the record, I got that pun in before the Eggles announcers did. Mallett pounds his way in for the TD the next play. The Eggles wouldn't dare go for two, would they? You don't go for the tie in the 4th quarter of a preseason game.

ANDY REID, YOU FAT BASTARD, DAMN YOU TO HELL FOR DARING TO VIOLATE RULE #1 OF PRESEASON GAMES. Kafka's pass comes up short of Mallett in the flat anyway, and the Eggles have to settle for 6. Jagwires 27, Eggles 25.

No doubt Reid will throw apples at Kafka on the sidelines during the break. Maybe at BOBBY APRIL, too, whose SPECIAL TEAMS allow (Beam Me Up) Scotty McGee a kick return out to midfield.

A particularly inopportune edit by NFL Network here, as we go from the Jags with the ball at midfield before the commercial and come back from the commercial with Akers having kicked his fifth FG of the game to give the Eggles the lead. Eggles 28, Jagwires 27 from literally out of nowhere.

Jags at their 33 with 9:00 to play, averaging over 37 yards per kick return tonight against BOBBY APRIL'S SPECIAL TEAMS. New Jagwire QB is - Trevor Harris? Of Edinboro? So he's Scottish? Harris gets off to about as good a start as Chris Mortenson's kid did in Tennessee a couple of years ago. He loses a yard after bobbling a bad shotgun snap, then, under heavy pressure, fires a bad sideline pass that's picked off by Trevard Lindley, maybe. The refs will review if he stayed in bounds.

Huh, Trevard Lindley and Riley Cooper were two of the very worst players I saw watching Senior Bowl Week coverage. Both are Eggles and having pretty good games tonight. Interesting, captain...

Huh, NFL Network cut out a huge chunk of game play during this half but is making us sit through an especially long official review delay here...

Really? NFL Network couldn't have shown us how Philadelphia GOT WHAT RIGHT NOW IS THE FREAKING GAME-WINNING FG instead of making us sit through this?

Steratore gets the call right, Lindley didn't have control out of the ball when he went out of bounds. The Rams needed Steratore in Cleveland last night. So it's 3rd-and-9 now for the Jagwires. The best Harris can do is throw a 2-yard pass to Karim, who gains about 7 before being taken down.

Another trial for Kafka here from his 16 with about 8:00 left. He underthrows Hall deep down the near sideline, and Hall can't quite make the comeback catch. Mallett gets nailed after 2 yards, and Hart and the oddly-numbered Jeremy Navarre, a DE wearing #46, get to Kafka to force a blank on 3rd down.

Idiot Jag returner McGee lost NINE running backwards with the punt so they're at their 26 with 6:49 to play. Chad Kackert, a 4th-quarter-player-in-preseason name if I ever heard one, sweeps right for 2. Harris throws a deep wobbler over everybody, and on third down... good grief, I thought Fokou was crippled for life earlier; here he is back on the field, stuffing a TE pass for 2 yards, and then dancing all over the field afterward. So much for that injured ankle. He showed no sign of injury whatsoever.

Eggles try to wear out the clock from their 40 with 5:00 left. Mallett gets a big first down on two carries. 2:52 left, Dobson Collins drops a perfect slant pass from Kafka. Norwood comes up a yard short on a smoke route with 2:36 left. Jagwires call timeout. Eggles punt.

2:00 opportunity for Harris from his 20. He hits Caussin for 10, then Matthews for 4 on the far sideline as the 2:00 warning officially hits.

Ha! The Eggles broadcast gave Akers their Player of the Game award.

Keenan Clayton sacks Harris on 2nd-and-6, and the overmatched rookie QB has to flee the pocket on 3rd down and has to fall on the ball after having it stripped. 4th and long, 1:13 left. MATTHEWS DOESN'T RUN THE MOST CRITICAL ROUTE OF THE GAME DEEP ENOUGH, and the Jags get 8 on 4th-and-9 as his effort for the comeback catch takes him back across the first-down line. Victory formation for Kafka from there.

Final score: Eggles 28, Jagwires 27.

Player of the game: I have to go with Vick. Sure, he was playing against 2nd-stringers, and he had two bad turnovers, but he flashed so much of his old form in an 11-17-119, 50 yards on 6 carries and a TD performance, he made himself very hard to ignore the rest of this preseason.

What did we learn: Jacksonville's best QB is their second-stringer, McCown. Andy Reid's got Kolb ready to play, but from a FFL perspective, I'll stay away from him because of Vick's potential to vulture stats away from him. The Eggles seriously lack quality depth in their secondary.

Up next: Gawd, no, it's my least-favorite preseason rivalry to start the next tape: Tampa Bay vs. Miami. May the football gods see fit to spare me with a game that's even remotely watchable. These two together usually aren't.

Game 5: Washington 42, Buffalo 17

So, week 1 of the NFL preseason is officially over and I'm already 13 games behind? Just another year of the Preseason Challenge. Up now, Bills vs. Redskins, a Super Bowl XXVI rematch and the D.C. debut of Donovan McNabb. Kenny Albert and Joe Theismann with the call for the Redskins Network.

You know, I used to pooh-pooh the issue for being so much political correctness, but after reading an article in S.I. from about a year ago about the integration of the NFL, I was shocked at how racist Redskins ownership was at that time. This franchise does not have a proud history. Knowing what I know now, they'll never move away from that racist past until they move to a new nickname. I recommend the Federals, Daniel Snyder. Think of the merchandising opportunities. Just change the yellow striping on the current uniform to blue and change up the helmet logo. Make it so.

Here's a link to that article. It's very good and talks a lot about the Rams, who were the first integrated team, but kind of had to have it forced on them. I'm overdue to restart a recommended reading section on ramview.com and will make sure this gets there.

Oh, the game. Devin Thomas absolutely butchers catching the opening kickoff and volleyballs it over to -Byron- Westbrook, who has to scramble to fall on it at the 16. Marcus Stroud swallows up a couple of runs but McNabb hits Chris Cooley for 11 and an initial 1st down. McNabb throws into a crowd at midfield 3 plays later to bring in the punt team. That was into a crowd of 4 Bills; damn lucky not to be intercepted. I should add for fantasy football purposes that Clinton Portis lined up first at RB, but no FFL player in their right mind should be taking a Mike Shanahan RB all that early anyway, should they?

Trent Edwards heads up the Buffalo herd at the 20. The Bills already have three starting o-linemen hurt; who do they think they are, the Rams? Fred Jackson gains 4 up the middle, cuts back for 7 the next play and draws a face mask at the end of that play. Edwards beats a blitz - sure, NOW Jim Haslett wants to blitz - by hitting Jonathan Stupar for 7. Smoke route to Lee Evans works for about 10. Screen to Corey McIntyre off play-action gains 11 more. Bills empty the backfield and Haslett blitzes - would have been nice if he would have done that ONCE with the Rams - and Edwards hits Roscoe Parrish on a slant for 7. Wow, Roscoe Parrish is still a Bill? A nice sweep right by Marshawn Lynch gets all the way down to the 2 but comes back for a hold. 3rd-and-13, Edwards settles for a pass to Lynch in the flat and London Fletcher brings him down a couple of yards short. 38-yard FG for Rian Lindell. Bills 3, Redskins 0

McNabb operating from the 20. False start, make it the 15. Portis gets 6 off right tackle, then Roydell Williams takes a quick hook, eludes Terrence McGee and scoots up the sideline for 22. Joey Galloway beats McGee deep by a couple of steps but McNabb can't hit him. A late hit by Aaron Maybin gives the Redskins a new set of downs at the Buffalo 39. Ryan Torain goes around right end for 6. McNabb scrambles for another first down. That was so exciting McNabb needed a timeout. He next drills Cooley down at the 10. Both teams have been throwing a lot out of the shotgun and empty backfields so far. Portis sweeps down to the 5 on 1st down and gets stopped at the 4 on 2nd down. Dude, you're not on my fantasy team; go ahead and score. Anthony Armstrong catches a bullet from McNabb at the goal line and fights through the very-picked-on McGee for the TD. Redskins 7, Bills 3

If the Bills had challenged that TD, it wouldn't have counted. Armstrong clearly did not extend the ball across the goal line until after he was down.

Bills will attempt a reply from their 27. C.J. Spiller shows NICE speed on his very first touch, bouncing right for 12. So what do the morons do next? Throw twice. A deep shot to Steve Johnson never has a chance, and a sideline pass for Evans is jumped by DeAngelo Hall and returned down to the 10.

McNabb's night is already over; Rex Grossman at QB for Washington. And as you might expect with Grossman at QB, the first couple of plays go nowhere.

End of first quarter: Redskins 7, Bills 3.

On 3rd down, Andra Davis commits illegal contact on Santana Moss at the goal line to give Washington new life. Keiland Williams, who's listed on Yahoo as the kick returner, takes it in on two tries from the 5. Redskins 14, Bills 3

Edwards to try again, from the 25 this time. Oh for God's sake, they have Daniel Snyder in the broadcast booth. Big ego owners sure have no trouble getting on TV, do they? Snyder's team stuffs Spiller, and Evans drops the third-down pass, to induce a punt.

Block in the back erases a big punt return by Brandon Banks. Banks is listed on the roster at 142 pounds, or 78 pounds less than the Redskins punter. Grossman from the 23. Torain comes clean out of the backfield and beats Arthur Moats handily over the middle for 22. The Bills stuff Torain, Reggie Corner the corner nearly pick-sixes Grossman on 2nd down, so what do the morons do on 3rd-and-9? Leave Bobby Wade wide open in the middle of the field for 24. Torain then cracks off another 15 yards on a run, and the Redskins are suddenly first-and-goal. Two plays later, Rex hits Fred Davis on the sideline at the 2 with a pretty pass, and Davis stiffarms Corner away in embarrassing easy fashion to score Washington's third TD. Redskins 21, Bills 3

The National Football Service has just issued a blowout warning for the Landover, Maryland area. Edwards remains in the game and will start at the 23 after a false start. Edwards spots a blitz and attempts to adjust for it, but Perry Riley comes up the middle untouched anyway and sacks him. And now the Bills call a timeout. This team is a total disaster right now. Guess what they try on 2nd-and-15. A TWO-YARD PASS. And it's incomplete. Edwards does find Johnson matched up in zone coverage against Riley, and hits him for 14.9. Bills line up to go for it at their own 38, but a half-hearted attempt to get the Redskins to jump offside doesn't work. Where was the hard count? And on comes the punt team. Jake Locker probably ought to start looking up real estate agents in the Buffalo area right now.

Redskins take over at their 16. DPI this time on Corner the corner, who is having a visibly rotten night. The Bills do it again; get Washington 3rd-and-long and then give up the first down, this time with Devin Thomas beating Leodis McKelvin. Redskins are 6-for-7 on third down tonight. The Redskins finally stall but only after an illegal formation penalty on Trent Williams takes away a Williams reception that had gone all the way down to the Bills 20.

Harvard time! Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB for Buffalo. From the 12, he rolls right and has to throw a stupid bootleg pass intended for the TE running a 2-yard out into the ground. After a false start, the dreaded DRAW PLAY works for Joique Bell out to the 24. Ran right by Albert Haynesworth. Bell follows with a handoff and a screen that get nowhere; 3rd-and-8 at the 2:00 warning.

And of course the Bills throw a 4-yard slant on 3rd-and-8. If you don't hate the Buffalo Bills already, you will after trying to watch one of their games. For crying out loud.

Banks muffs the punt and winds up losing 5 yards back to the 19. 1:03 to halftime. Grossman misses Thomas on 1st down, and a poor shotgun snap fouls up a draw play on 2nd down. They grind out the rest of the clock to send out the frisbee-catching dogs.

Halftime score: Redskins 21, Bills 3.

Redskins outgained the Bills 199 yards to 106 in the 1st half, most of that difference coming through the air. Fitzpatrick will try to matriculate the Bills from their 20. They 3-and-out. Spiller gets stuffed, Fitz misses Chad Jackson on 2nd down, and a blitz forces a checkdown on 3rd. Doesn't look like that draw play earlier discouraged the Redskins from blitzing.

And I guess I have no idea what a block in the back is, or else tonight's referees don't. Cary Harris is bearing down on Banks on the punt when - and five rewinds don't prove any different - a Redskin drills him between the shoulder blades. Banks sprints away from there, gets a nice wall to the sideline and has a very quick 77-yard TD. My eyes tell me that was the most blatant block in the back in NFL history, so I have no conceivable idea how it could have been missed. But it's Redskins 28, Bills 3 now.

More bad news for me: I can't blame Bobby April for Buffalo's special teams gaffes; he was swept out in last season's housecleaning. Down more than 3 TDs, the Bills hand off twice from their 26, and I have no idea what they expected to gain out of this game tonight. They continue to go 0-for-the-night on 3rd down as Fitz wanted Jackson to run a hitch, but he ran a go. Harris tackles Banks for no gain on the punt return, PERHAPS BECAUSE HE WASN'T DRILLED IN THE BACK THIS TIME.

Grossman's nearly picked off on 1st down, but Mike Sellers gains 5 and Rex scrambles for the first down the next play. John McCargo, a name I'm sure Bills fans are glad to hear is doing anything, stuffs Torain. But Grossman hits Wade at midfield and Thomas at the 45 for another first down. At this point I learn the Redskins' backup LT is named Will Robinson. I assume he plays well in space, then. Torain scores points when he picks up a grounded screen pass and runs with it when it wasn't clear the play had been blown dead. Two plays later, Thomas is wide open on a deep post behind George Wilson and Corner the corner for a 44-yard TD, nice toss from Grossman. Corner got turned inside out and Wilson wasn't back to help. As impossible as it would seem on a team as bad as the Bills, Corner has really stuck out as the worst Buffalo player tonight. Another candidate for Crappiest Player of the Preseason. Redskins 35, Bills 3

We're still only halfway through the 3rd quarter! Well past time to put this game into screw-it mode. The Bills really look like last year's Rams. None of the receivers they have on the field right now are even remotely capable of getting open as Fitzpatrick goes 0-for-3. Well, at least Brian Moorman will be loose for the regular season.

Washington at their 6. John Beck, who they just traded for, steps in at QB. Early returns are poor. They gain 1 yard on 3 plays as he misses Thomas by a mile on 2nd down and gets a pass batted down on 3rd.

And, of course, the Bills fumble away the kick. Ellis (Rhymes with wankster) Lankster takes his eye off the ball and puts it on Roydell Williams, the onrushing Redskin who recovers the fumble.

A false start moves Beck and the Redskins back to the Buffalo 49. Somehow I was hoping for an Odelay of game penalty. Maybin beats Will Robinson - danger! danger! - to force a bad 2nd down throw, and Chris Ellis tips the 3rd-down pass at the line on his second try. Block him, maybe? Throw OVER him, maybe? Beck starts 0-for-4.

Smoke route from Fitz to David Nelson for one of Buffalo's big gains tonight, 8 yards. They started at the 15. Chad Simpson gets the Bills a very rare first down, then - what's THIS? - Fitz to Nelson on an out for 12 yards? BACK TO BACK FIRST DOWNS? Then, THREE IN A ROW? Fitz play-actions at the 40, rolls right and hits Donald Jones for another 12. Then, WHAT IN TARNATION?!? Simpson escapes an ankle tackle at the line, stiffarms Anderson Russell to the ground as if he were a Girl Scout, speeds up the sideline and dives for the pylon. They give him a 40-yard gain. The Redskins stuff Simpson on first-and-goal, but Fitz's mobility pays off on 2nd down as he sprints right and gives himself extra time to find Nelson in the back of the end zone for a - could it be? - BUFFALO TD. Redskins 35, Bills 10

Hey, Buffalo's been down 35-3 before and come back to win, haven't they?

Beck beckons again from the 27. Lankster (rhymes with Wankster) seals off a pitchout to Torain for a loss as the quarter ends. Still one to go?

End of third quarter: Redskins 35, Bills 10.

Arthur Moats shuts down Torain on 2nd down, and on third down, it's pretty much a jailbreak on Beck. Danger! Danger! Will Robinson gets beat badly again by Maybin, and two more Bills break free up the middle, with Beck forced into McCargo for the sack. Here come the Bills!

Big punt return by Naaman Roosevelt, 25 yards-plus to the Washington 35. Just outran everybody around the corner. Here come the Bills! Fitzpatrick in shotgun. What, no Brian Brohm tonight? After a slant to Jones, Bell explodes off right tackle for about a 28-yard TD. Corner sealed excellently by TE Shawn Nelson, who appeared to drive two defenders into the pile. Nice kickout by center Christian Gaddis as well. Redskins 35, Bills 17

HERE COME THE BILLS!

Beck will try to do something other than keep the Bills in the game from his 28 with 12:45 left. You know who looks Lost in Space tonight? Will Robinson. Maybin beats him clean again and gets a sack this time, on 2nd down. Beck, though, hits TE Lee Vickers on a shallow cross, beating Moats for a first down. Beck then trips dropping back from center. OK, you're trying this hard, let's all welcome John Beck to the candidate list for Crappiest Player of the Preseason. Redskins smartly take advantage of Maybin's aggression and run right by him with Williams for 12. Nice catch by Terrence Austin of a high slant pass gets Washington another 1st down. Drive bogs down just across midfield, though, with McCargo nearly sacking Beck AGAIN. Why does McCargo look so good tonight, Bills fans must wonder? Maybe it's because Redskins guard Chad Rinehart belongs on the CPOP list with Beck.

7:14 left. Ramzee Robinson and Armstrong team up deftly to down the punt at the 2. The new Bills QB is Levi Brown. Isn't he a tackle for the Big Dead? And where the frak is Brohm tonight? Brown wings a deep pass that the receiver has to turn around and come back for at the 30. I'm guessing they didn't pick Brown up for his arm. DRAW PLAY and punt. Sigh.

There go the Bills.

Austin brings the punt back a good 20 yards across midfield. Maybe Buffalo really does miss Bobby April. Torain blasts off left tackle for 16; nice work by Will Robinson and TE Logan Paulsen. Bills shut down two runs but let Williams bang off right tackle for 12 on 3rd-and-8. Rinehart actually did something good that play. Torain up the middle for 10 now. Redskin backups run-block a lot better than they pass-block. Williams scores from the 6 with a second-effort run on 2nd-and-goal. Redskins 42, Bills 17

Simpson takes a draw for 17, close to midfield, at the 2:00 warning. How come it took me so long to notice a RB on the Bills is named Simpson? Brown gets into a little groove, and hits Nelson back-to-back to get down to the Washington 23.

ROT IN HELL CHAN GAILEY FOR USING ALL YOUR TIMEOUTS DOWN 25 POINTS AT THE END OF A PRESEASON GAME~~~~

Jim Haslett's as tired of that crap as I am, and brings the kitchen sink at Brown on 2nd-and-12. Robert Henson is robbed of a sack by the referees who don't catch that Brown's knee is down, but they do call the QB for grounding. Eh, Henson didn't earn it anyway; he came in unblocked. I'll take Albert's word for it that Justin Tryon got his hand on the 3rd-and-26 pass, which is tipped to (Lucky) Lendy Holmes for an INT, and victory formation for the Redskins.

Final score: Redskins 42, Bills 17.

Player of the game: I failed to mention him a lot in the play-by-play, but Tryon was the most effective DB tonight for a secondary that really put the clamps on Buffalo's miserable excuse of a passing game. I'm not looking forward to those guys week 3. Honorable mention, unbelievably, to Rex Grossman, who threw two TD passes and actually appeared competent in an NFL game, possibly for the first time in his career.

What did we learn: Buffalo is very, very bad. Passing game, running game, blocking, coaching, pass coverage, all bad. Maybin was the only bright spot among players likely to take the field for them this season. If the Rams win 2 games in 2010, they're not drafting first in 2011. Buffalo's so bad, I'm not sure what we really learned about the Redskins. They have to be happy with the way McNabb started, and with Grossman's play in relief. Unbelievable they didn't have a sack tonight, though, against that offensive line. (I scored one early for Perry Riley, but Edwards must have gotten back to the line.) Then again, they didn't start Haynesworth; then again again, he didn't even register in the box score. No tackles. Imagine that, a Jim Haslett defense that can't sack the quarterback! We'll have to keep an eye on that.

Up next: Time warp! Jumping ahead to Week 2 at this point for Rams-Browns. Hoping to work through a bunch of week 1 games after that, though, with Eggles-Jagwires next on the docket.

Game 4: Minnesota 28, St. Louis 7

Rams games, of course, are covered extensively in RamView, which has the game account here.

Player of the game: You throw for 300 yards in a preseason game, you're the POTG, so Sage Rosenfels it is. I still wonder if he didn't win the starting job last night, at least in a post-Favre world. Childress sure had a quick hook on Tarvaris Jackson, otherwise. Honorable mention to Sam Bradford for surviving a beating that surely would have claimed Marc Bulger for six weeks.


What did we learn: The Rams need a lot of work on offensive line; the Rams need a lot better health in the secondary; Steven Jackson better not get hurt. Whether or not Rosenfels became the starter for Minnesota tonight, Tarvaris Jackson ain't it.

Up next: Phew, good question. Leaning towards Bills-Redskins for game 5 but that is subject to change.

Game 3: New England 27, New Orleans 24

From Foxborough, it's a game that would be great if it were regular season: Saints vs. Patriots. New champs vs. a dynasty trying to re-assert itself! Brees vs. Brady! Payton vs. Belichick! Randy Moss vs. Danny Gorrer! OK, not that last one so much. NFL Network has the New England call with Don Criqui, Randy Cross and Scott Z-O-L-A Zolak on the sideline. Freak that I am, I knew the Patriots preseason announcers without need for introductions.

Saints start the game on offense after a Gostkowski touchback. Patriots, though, own the line of scrimmage at the start. Jerrod Mayo beats the fullback Heath Evans to swallow up Pierre Thomas on 1st down, Gerard Warren (?!) forces Drew Brees to rush a screen blank on 2nd down, and Marcus Murrell beats Jon Stinchcome like he was going up against Grant Williams for an easy sack of Brees on 3rd down. Not a championship showing there by the Saints o-line.

Yeah, a certain world champion doesn't look they came to play tonight. Julian Edelman takes the punt near midfield and really only has to slip one tackle to get down to about the Saints 15. Thomas Morstead, the Saints punter, manages to mangle himself while corralling Edelman out of bounds to save the TD. I think he got his hand stuck inside Edelman's shoulder pad and got his shoulder pulled out of sorts. Sadly, RamView's guidelines for preserving your punter in the preseason would not have saved him.

BENJARVUS GREEN-ELLIS is the Patriots starting RB? He gets a couple on first down, and Tom Brady gets his arm hit for a blank on 2nd down. 3rd-and-7, Brady tries to beat a Saints big blitz with a lob pass, but it's not really close to where Kevin Faulk is. Gostkowski chips the Pats on top. Patriots 3, Saints 0

By the way, if you want to use online rosters to follow along while watching these games, I heartily recommend Yahoo.com's. I use Google to search "New Orleans Saints roster", for example, and then click the Yahoo link. Unlike most team websites, you get there quick and the page comes up quick. And UNLIKE NFL.COM, Yahoo's rosters are accurate. And what's cool, they're organized by position, which really helps me locate players quickly.

Patriots get their second straight 3-and-out against one of the league's most powerful offenses. Thomas totals 6 on a couple of runs and Patrick Chung holds Lance Moore short of the sticks on 3rd down. Um, surely a world championship offense should have receivers who RUN ROUTES FAR ENOUGH TO GET THE FIRST DOWN, shouldn't it?

The kicker, Garrett Hartley, launches a 55-yard punt for the Saints, and after a hold, the Patriots have to start deep in their end. Per Criqui, Brady hits Randy Cross on the sideline at the 20 for a 1st. The similarly-named Randy Moss beats Tracy Porter for 23 a couple of plays later. Play-action from midfield, Brady hangs in forever but appears to waste one deep. After a SMOKE PASS to Edelman loses yards, Brady, throwing left for like the fifth straight time, hits Brandon Tate on the sideline for 20. Yeah, Torry Who? He's on this team, isn't he? COME ON, Saints, if you let smoke passes like this work, teams will never quit throwing them. Edelman smokes for 20 yards down to the 16 after Jabari Greer miserably blows the initial tackle. That pass was to the right. A couple of BJGE runs get them down to the 10. Don't like him as an outside runner. Like that he runs hard, but he's not getting much of anywhere. GAWD, Saints, if you don't stop 3rd-down draw plays, teams will never quit running them. Faulk down to the 5 with a draw for a first down. Jonathan Casillas stuffs BJGE on first-and-goal, but he busts right off Dan Connelly's pull block for a 6-yard TD. It's like Belichick already thinks I have either Brady, Moss or Laurence Maroney on my fantasy team. Patriots 10, Saints 0

I'm watching an NFL Network fantasy football crawl that ranks Steven Jackson the #9 running back, BEHIND RYAN MATHEWS. Isn't Mathews going to share carries with Darren Sproles? You have to rank Steven at least 5th or 6th; #1, he's a freaking stud, and #2, he's going to get almost every carry. IF he's healthy. But don't rank him behind somebody that you can't be sure won't be a platoon back half the season or more. (Tho my mind can certainly change as soon as I see a Chargers game or two.)

Fine blocking by rookie TE Rob Gronkowski on that last TD, too. Brees stays in to pilot the Who-Dats from their 14 after a kickoff penalty. I know if A.J. Feeley 3-and-outs twice Saturday night, and comes back in for a third try late in the first quarter, the St. Louis natives are going to be awful damn restless. Screen to Jeremy Shockey gets about 10 and Reggie Bush gets the first down up the middle. Moore and Marques Colston collect short passes for another 1st down near the 40. Shockey gets another at the Patriots 43. Noting here that New England has completely turned off any blitzing.

End of first quarter: Patriots 10, Saints 0.

After a screen to Thomas and another Bush middle run don't get much of anywhere, Devery Henderson drops a drag pass. He ran his route a yard short of the first down anyway. But the Saints hurry the 4th-down play and pick up a DPI on Donald Butler against Moore. Now Thomas churns left for 5 down to the 28. Tully Banta-Cain about goes right through Carl Nicks and forces a blank for Bush in the flat. After the CENTER false starts on 3rd-and-5, it's a DRAW to Bush, who zigs his way to a first down. Dammit, Patriots, if you don't STOP draw plays on 3rd-and-long, teams are never going to quit running them! 3rd-and-long draw plays have worked twice tonight, which is one time more than they do most preseasons in the whole league. Warren, again, hurries Brees into a bad pass on 1st down. A timeout gives me time to guess smoke route to Meacham on 3rd-and-7. And I'm.... wrong, Brees fires downfield to TE David Thomas at the 14. Thomas goes right for 5 on a play that should have been flagged after the LG flinched. Brees to Thomas in the flat sets up 1st-and-goal at the 4. 2nd-and-goal, Jermon Bushrod pretty well seals the corner, and Butler guesses wrong with an inside jump, giving Bush a fairly easy sweep left for the TD. Patriots 10, Saints 7

The game is now relegated to a small box in favor of a lame interview with lame winners of a Gillette contest. New Patriot QB is the short-looking Brian Hoyer, which I'm telling you before the broadcast did. Sam Aiken becomes the 4th, and BJGE the 5th, Patriots to catch passes tonight before Torry Holt has even gotten on the field for all I know. Is he hurt? Aaron Hernandez becomes #6 after taking a quick screen for 7 across midfield. Include blanks to Faulk and now to Sammie Morris, and eight Patriots have been targeted before Holt. Edelman's huge night continues with a nice slant pass from Hoyer. He shakes, bakes, breaks an ankle tackle and gains about 23 down to the 21. Face mask the next play sets the Patriots up at the 9. BJGE with a tough, pinballing run to the 5. Laurence Maroney next, touching the ball for the first time all night, cuts behind a fine drive block by Rich Ohrnberger for the TD and gives us his best John Cena impression. Actually, Laurence, we haven't seen you all night; maybe you should save the WWE gestures for when you're good enough to actually start a game ahead of BENJARVUS GREEN-ELLIS. Patriots 17, Saints 7

Replay shows that TD run was overpursued badly by, yep, Anthony Hargrove. 5:00 and 74 yards left for the Saints and Patrick Ramsey. 8 to Kelley Washington, then P.J. Hill breaks off 9 on his 2nd carry. The Pats blow up a screen pass, and Jonathan Wilhite blows up Courtney Roby on 3rd down, to force a punt.

According to NFL Network's crawl, 3 QBs and a WR should go in the first round of your fantasy football draft. And Steven Jackson isn't one of the 6 RBs. He ranks 13th. Anybody see that happening in your draft this year?

Hoyer beats a blitz, and Edelman wheels away from Pierson Prioleau's awful coverage, for 22 to the 42 at the 2:00 warning. If the Patriots win, I think we have our game MVP. Edelman is unstoppable tonight. Hoyer then goes three straight times to Hernandez. Saint pass rush foils the first two and the third is well short of the first. Maybe Torry Holt will come out and punt.

OK, I'll quit moaning about Holt now. Google News reveals that not only was he inactive for this game - there are inactives for preseason games? - he's in danger of not making the Patriot roster. Wow.

Saints have 1:30 to score from their 16, but only get to their 35 before having to punt. Hartley shanks a 35-yarder, understandable since he's the placekicker.

Patriots kneel out the half, giving us an opportunity to watch their very fine cheerleaders.

Halftime score: Patriots 17, Saints 7.

Devin McCourty takes advantage of a brutal, uncalled hold by Sergio Brown on the outside to return the second-half kickoff across midfield. Hoyer and Maroney in the backfield. On 2nd down, Hoyer hits Hernandez over the middle for 21 while being taken down. Casillas and Jo-Lonn Dunbar stuff Maroney for a loss but he breaks a tackle for 7 the next play. Hoyer beats rookie Patrick Robinson's offside blitz with a quick hitch to Edelman, who makes Prioleau miss him AGAIN while getting down to the 4. Prioleau another early candidate for Crappiest Player of the Preseason. Maroney's in from the 4 in three tries to make this game a burgeoning blowout. Patriots 24, Saints 7

But then, gosh, Wally, Larry Beavers returns the kickoff 97 yards for a TD, after coming to a dead stop at the 20 and cutting left-to-right back upfield. Awful lane discipline by the Patriots, who all got bottled up by the left sideline, and after Darnell Jenkins blew the initial tackle at the 20, no one had anywhere near enough speed to catch up with Beavers, though you could see guys run out of breath and snap hamstrings trying. Beavers only needed, and only got, one block, by #32, on #40, to spring him. (No sooner do I praise Yahoo for having up-to-date rosters than I find they're not up to date after all!) The Patriots wish Jenkins the best in his future endeavors. Patriots 24, Saints 14

There goeth that burgeoning blowout. We resume with Hoyer leading the Patriots from the 15 after a kickoff penalty. Maroney bounces off right tackle for 13. Hoyer can't hit Jenkins after his arm's hit, and he throws a bad smoke pass to Hernandez, targeting the rookie TE for about the millionth time tonight. Saints blitz Casillas on third down, and Hoyer doesn't recognize it, because nobody stayed back to block. Sack. Beavers returns Zoltan Mesko's punt, and my, what a difference good lane discipline makes, as he gets nowhere with a similar move as on the kickoff.

Saints at their 32, where Ramsey drills Adrian Arrington at midfield, and he runs down to the 16 after breaking James Sanders' crappy tackle. 51 yards. The same two guys connect again at the two-yard line, and Chris Ivory crowd-surfs it in from there without getting near as molested as Lady Gaga did last week. Suddenly, it's Patriots 24, Saints 21

As usual, the third quarter of a preseason game is crawling along so slowly, I'm going to have to suspend it for real life, aka the Rams game tonight.

Aaaaaand we're back. And there goes McCourty again, returning another kickoff across midfield. Tonight not shaping up as a special teams coverage clinic. Zac Robinson is the new Patriot QB. A - somebody drafted him? and B - it was Belichick? Shows what I know. He gets Bradforded by DeMario Pressley and fumbles, but a penalty on...... HARGROVE takes it back. Chris (not Fred) Taylor is in at RB. After a holding penalty, he gets about 10 on a draw, but the Saints blow up a third-down screen to force a punt.

Nice Mesko punt checks up inside the 10. Ramsey stays in the game, rolls right and hits Roby at the 25. They then try THREE runs and punt. Hill's 9-yard gain can't make up for Ivory getting stuffed twice by Tyrone McKenzie (and Rob Ninkovich). Pretty poor job using his blocks by Ivory.

Patriots start at their 25 and Chris Taylor gets them a first down in two carries.

End of third quarter: Patriots 24, Saints 21.

Taylor continues to find nice running room, gaining 6 around left end. But Pressley gets to Robinson before he can unload a short pass on 3rd-and-2 and gets the sack. Pressley just blasted Ted Larsen off the line to get room to roam.

Saints at their 12 after the punt, inside 13:00 left. Ramsey wants to go deep but dumps off to Hill under duress for 9. Ramsey's been a pleasant surprise tonight, a lot better than he usually looks. After Hill plows for the first down, Ramsey throws a pretty, deep play action pass that GOES THROUGH ARRINGTON'S HANDS. If Wilhite got a finger on it like Cross says, it was a fingernail. Should have been caught. The Patriot broadcast is ignoring the game now, and I'm ignoring their "interviews" that are actually blatantly disguised product placement. Saints RUN twice after the long blank and New England stuffs them on 3rd-and-4.

Patriots from their 29 with 10:30 left. Taylor spins out of a loss and gains 6. He's the best late-game RB of the Challenge thus far. After a false start, Robinson hangs in the pocket nicely but is nearly picked off at the sideline. On 3rd-and-9, Taylor doesn't know the screen is coming and it lands harmlessly on the ground.

Beavers muffs the punt and is damn lucky to come up with enough of it to win a tie for possession at the 30. Former Mizzou Tiger Chase Daniel takes over there for the Saints with 9:17 left. Still that much left? This game may have hit the wall twice. 17 to merry prankster Zak Keasey in the flat. He's hit on the next throw and is lucky Tory Humphrey could beat out two Patriots to knock down a flutterball. Ivory wiggles up the middle for 9, though. They fake a pitch left to him on 3rd-and-1 and Daniel hits Jimmy Graham in the flat for another first down. Wow, Payton is really turning Daniel loose. He looks deep on first-and-10 but settles for Arrington at the 25 with a pretty throw. After a short screen, it's Ivory banging up the middle for about 10 more. Daniel play-actions again and hits Roby down to the 5. They fake a pass right and Daniel hits fullback Marcus Mailei at the 1 for first-and-goal. This has been a sweet drive that has made Daniel look nothing but good. He calls a timeout with 4:20 to go. Somehow this feels like a perfect time to run a smoke route. Terrence Wheatley breaks up an end zone slant to Arrington. 2nd-and-goal, Ivory runs into a pile at the goal line and is lucky to avoid a turnover after losing the ball. 3rd-and-goal, they fake a plunge up the middle and bootleg Daniel left, which defenses almost never stop, but Wheatley and a couple of other Patriots are ALL OVER IT and Wheatley shuts Daniel down at the 5.

And then, curse you to HELL, Sean Payton, for going for the FG and TYING A PRESEASON GAME with 2:40 left. Somehow the NFL has to create a rule that makes teams go for it there.

Can Robinson and the Patriots spare us overtime from their 25 with 2:34 to go? Doesn't look good, as Robinson holds the ball forever and drills it into the ground after Junior Galette drills him on the throw. A new running back? Now? Thomas Clayton zips up the middle for 12, but Galette, who has a ton of tackles tonight I haven't documented, stuffs him for a loss at the 2:00 warning. Huge Saint rush gets a deflection on 2nd down.

GOD DAMMIT, SAINTS, IF YOU LET TEAMS GET AWAY WITH SMOKE PASSES ON THIRD AND LONG, NO ONE'S EVER GOING TO QUIT RUNNING THEM. They fake a quick opener right and Robinson wheels and throws a smoke route to Darnell Jenkins. He immediately gets a perfect cut block by rookie Taylor Price and has a veritable convoy of linemen to let him sprint down the sideline for a 51-yard gain. New England grinds out the rest of the Saints' timeouts, lets the clock run down to 0:57, and Gostkowski chips them ahead. Patriots 27, Saints 24

Daniel will have 48 seconds to get the Saints in FG range from their 26. He fires over the middle to Montez Billings at the 40, but Brandon McGowan drills him as the ball gets there and Eric Alexander alertly scoops the loose ball in midair to seal the win for New England. Unusual way to put a game away.

Final score: Patriots 27, Saints 24.

Player of the game: Good thing New England held on, because I've been prepared for like a day to make Julian Edelman the POTG. 5 catches for 78, a 41-yard punt return, and he looked near-unstoppable at wideout, though going up against Prioleau a lot couldn't have hurt. Little question to me he should be the Patriots' WR3, WR2 if Wes Welker can't go. Note: Torry Holt was IR'ed after this game due to a knee injury. I'd like to recommend he go ahead and retire Monday, making it possible (though not likely) for he, Kurt Warner and Isaac Bruce to all hit the Hall of Fame the same year, 2015.

What did we learn: Even highly-regarded, well-coached teams like the Saints and Patriots can fall victim to third-and-long draw plays, screens, and smoke routes in preseason, EVEN THOUGH THEY NEVER SHOULD. New England's very happy with their red zone performance: 3 TDs, 2 FGs, in an area where they struggled last year. The Saint QBs looked so good, I think they could even survive an injury to Brees, or trade a QB away to a team in dire need.

Up next: Game 4 shouldn't take too long, I've already seen it and written it up: Vikings at Rams.

Game 2: Baltimore 17, Carolina 12

OK, let's crank up the first full slate of preseason action with a LIVE blog of Marc Bulger's first outing with his new team: Panthers vs. Ravens. ESPN's call, with Tirico, Chucky and Jaws.

Ravens start us with a kick almost through the end zone, and Matt Moore will lead the Panthers out. First look I've really gotten at the guy. Terrell Suggs offsides on 1st down. After going up the middle for 2, DeAngelo Williams takes about the same play up the middle for 22 to midfield. Tony Fiammetta with a PANCAKE to spring the play. Moore throws too high for Dante Rosario. His first pass missed, too. Not accurate off the start. Ray Lewis and Jameel McClain blitz on 2nd down and force Moore to ditch-n-pitch. 3rd down, Tom Zbikowski DRILLS Moore on a blindside blitz for a sack and fumble. Panthers recover. Zbikowski brings the punt back about 30, and punter Jason Baker gets flagged for tripping at the end. Ravens will start in Panther country.

Or very close, at their 47. Joe Flacco GUNS a corner route to Derrick Mason at the Carolina 30. Play-action pass up top in the end zone for Mark Clayton, but he can't come down with it. Love how the Ravens are starting the game, though. Aggressive on offense and defense. Flacco can't hit Todd Heap on a short out on 2nd down, but hits Mason at the 12 on 3rd down. LeRon McClain rumbles off LG for 6. On 3rd-and-3, for the love of GOD, the Ravens line up MOUNT CODY at fullback. But he false starts. End Of That Experiment. Ravens go 4-wide from the 10, but Tyler Brayton beats Michael Oher for a key sack. Shayne Graham chips Baltimore ahead. Ravens 3, Panthers 0

Panthers start from their 20 again after another deep touchback. Jordan Gross false starts. They don't overcome it, with Trevor Pryce forcing Moore to rush a short out to Brandon LaFell on 3rd-and-5.

Wow, ESPN's going to cover the Jets-Giants game Monday night, who'da thunk it? Flacco misses Anquan Boldin on each sideline. Brayton beats LG Ben Grubbs this time on 3rd down to sack Flacco again and 3-and-out the Ravens. Oniel Cousins, the right tackle, has the answer to Brayton, though, landing on his ankle after the play and rolling it for him. Baltimore tackles Armanti Edwards on the punt but had an ineligible downfield penalty. Edwards brings the re-kick back to the Panther 45. Happens every time. Ravens waste two super punts by Sam Koch - 57 and 62 yards.

2nd-down end-around for LaFell gets Carolina a first down at the Ravens 43. 12 to Fiammetta in the flat. Williams can't climb Mount Cody and gets stuffed at the 32. Nice completion to King is taken away by a holding penalty on Gross, who has to be the most overrated tackle in the league. Moore appears to convert the first down again with a completion inside the 20 to Jarrett, but GROSS IS FLAGGED FOR HOLDING AGAIN. Third penalty for 25 yards, and two killed drives, by your left tackle. Panthers end up punting, and Baker kills it beautifully at the 4.

Steve Smith (the old one) is out tonight, of course, but looking ahead to Halloween anyway, let's note that Moore is looking a TON for his TE Jeff King and the fullback.

Huh, Flacco remains in. Oh God, Al Saunders is on their staff? RELEASE THE SMOKE PASS! Nice pass to Boldin outside the numbers at the 16, then McClain rumbles over left tackle for about 15 more. Dan Connor stuffs Willis McGahee to close out the opening stanza.

End of first quarter: Ravens 3, Panthers 0.

This is a preseason game? It took a whole quarter to throw the first screen pass, which McGahee takes across the 40. Now it's Screenapalooza. Welcome back to the NFL, Al Saunders! McGahee to midfield. Flacco rolls right and scrambles for another 1st. ANOTHER SCREEN TO MCGAHEE, more of a bubble screen that he takes for about 15. ANOTHER SCREEN TO MCGAHEE gets 5. Man, the Ravens are throwing a ton. And here they come again, Flacco going up top to Clayton on the right end zone sideline, beating Captain and Tennille Munnerlyn for a 30-yard TD. Ravens 10, Panthers 0.

Panthers not getting a lot of kickoff return work tonight. It's another touchback. For all the news that Jimmy Clausen can't even beat out Hunter Cantwell at Carolina, who's out as QB2? Clausen. Another false start at left tackle after an initial 1st down, but Gross is out now, the penalty's on former Ram Rob Pettitti. 3rd-and-8, Clausen does a great job reading the Raven blitz and fires over the middle for Kenneth Moore, who tips it to himself for a first down at the Raven 38. Clausen next checks to a handoff that Josh Vaughan takes off right tackle for 12. Clausen then gets away with a very dangerous screen pass back across the field to Vaughan. Vaughan gets them to 3rd-and-1 before C.J. Davis false starts. 3rd-and-6 quick out for Moore from the 19 comes up a little short under pressure. Not a bad first drive for Clausen all the same. Easy-peasy FG for - Jon Kasay? Hasn't he reached the mandatory retirement age yet? Ravens 10, Panthers 3.

And it'll be Marc Bulger leading the Ravens now from their 26. He fires deep from the shotgun, but well short of Donte Stallworth, covered well by Brian Witherspoon. Greg Hardy stuffs Jalen Parmele on an attempted draw. Annnnnnd guess what happens on 3rd down. Bulger gets sacked and fumbles. Been there. Done that. Fine job by Eric Norwood to come back and track the attempting-to-scramble Bulger down and force the fumble, recovered by Witherspoon. Don't see much of anybody to blame for that play besides Bulger himself. Martz QBs never really have been noted for their ball protection.

Clausen and the Panthers at the Baltimore 31. Tyrell Sutton pops off left tackle for 16. Good block by TE Gary Barnidge. Sutton for 5 more. Vaughan gets Carolina first-and-goal at the 5 with about 3:30 till halftime. Clausen throws a nice timing route that LaFell should have caught for a TD but dropped instead. Sutton fires up the middle but loses the ball at the 1, and the Ravens come up with a big turnover. Haruki Nakamura forced the fumble.

Bulger from his 1 with 3:07 left. Try not to screw it up too much, eh? He actually steps out of a near-sack in the end zone and hits Ed Dickson at the 15. Quick slant to Demetrius Williams near the 30. 2:00 warning.

Deep corner for Dickson incomplete. Connor tips a pass over the middle incomplete. 3rd-and-10, Bulger gets a great pocket and hits Stallworth down to the Panther 33. Bulger chucks a blank with a 2nd-down blitz coming and Dickson doesn't appear to be expecting the third down pass.

And so like much of the end of his Rams career, the best Bulger can do offensively is set up a long FG (50 yards), which his kicker (Graham) misses.

Panthers with one more shot before halftime, 1:10 left. Or not so much. On 2nd down, Paul Kruger comes at Clausen about as long and about as clearly as Lancelot charging the castle in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Clausen STILL gets sacked anyway. That's not a great advertisement for your QB's pocket awareness. He drills Rosario at the Ravens 42 for a first down, though. Coverage wasn't bad there, either. Clausen scrambles down to the 32. Tavares Gooden blitzes right over him the next play, though, a key sack that knocks Carolina out of FG range. They use 18 of the last 19 seconds of the half on a short pass to Sutton and a spike to set up a 48-yard FG try, but holder Baker blows the hold.

Halftime score: Ravens 10, Panthers 3.

Ravens open the 2nd half with Troy Smith behind center. Parmele is still RB. Smith dances, scrambles and nearly hits Dennis Pitta on the sideline for a nice game. I agree with Chucky and John Harbaugh; it looked like Pitta actually caught that, when he was ruled out of bounds. After review, they actually get the call of the play right. Pitta stepped out of bounds before the catch and gets the penalty after the review that he should have gotten on the live play. That was a lot of freaking work by me to describe a 5-yard penalty. Jaws declares the Ravens should go with Smith as their #2 and Bulger #3, even though Chucky just got done nearly gushing over Bulger for a quarter. Greg Hardy beats Devin Tyler for back-to-back sacks to bury Smith and the Ravens inside the 10. That would be 6th-round pick Greg Hardy, a top-notch pass rusher most of his college career that the NFL shied away from in the 2010 draft because of injuries. The Rams drafted Hall Davis instead of him. File that for future reference.

Clausen and the Panthers go from midfield. After Jason Phillips stuffs a 2nd-down draw to Sutton, Dexter Jackson slips and falls on a deep out that wasn't that good a route anyway, and Cary Williams gladly accepts a gift INT from Clausen.

Think I've forgotten to mention it's been raining pretty hard in Baltimore for a while now, which may factor in on the next play. Eric Moore, who I believe is a former Ram, strips Parmele on the very next play, and C.J. Wilson returns it 31 yards for a TD. Kasay takes pity on my pick of the Ravens in ESPN.com Streak For The Cash and blows the PAT. Ravens 10, Panthers 9

Yeah, this game has hit the wall. The first 3:40 of this half feel like they've taken about an hour to play.

Smith takes the helm at the 29. Now Gruden's endorsing Smith over Bulger. So we're supposed to ignore your glowing reviews the entire freaking second quarter? I hate ESPN announcers. The Panthers stuff two straight runs and Parmele muffs a third-down pass over the middle that was way too short anyway. One punt to go, please.

We go to commercial with a closeup of a Baltimore girl with a huge sore on her lower lip. That picture's worth a thousand words. I've got nothing.

Panthers'll try it from their 29 this time. Clausen muffs the snap on 2nd down (remember the rain) and chucks a dying duck out of bounds under blitz pressure on third down. 1, 2, 3, kick!

Ravens are perched at their 24. Hardy gets a tackle for loss but Smith trumps him with a 2nd-down slant to Justin Harper for about 15. ESPN doesn't care about play-by-play or down and distance or anything anymore because Suzy Kolber, making her FIRST appearance tonight in the second half, is interviewing Ray Lewis. Lewis claims he passed out after trying to watch Hard Knocks for five minutes last night. Carolina d-line takes over the line of scrimmage now, stuffing a couple of runs and blowing up a screen to force ANOTHER punt.

Hunter Cantwell in at QB for the Panthers, starting at the 19. Mount Cody stuffs a second down Vaughan run by clotheslining him in the head. No call by the Terry McAulay crew. Carolina o-line incurs yet another false start before Cantwell has to fire a useless short pass to get out of trouble which Vaughan drops anyway.

Prince Miller fields the Baker punt at his 32 and breaks one awful Panther tackle attempt after another. Everette Brown whiffs on an arm tackle. Jamie Petrowski, ankle tackle, whiff. Mortty Ivy whiffs on a retarded shoulder block attempt. Punter Baker, of course a whiff. Sutton whiffs badly trying to tackle him by his arm. Vaughan whiffs, and so does R.J. Stanford, before Rosario finally brings Miller down at about the 10-yard line. Miller didn't do much of anything special on that play, the Carolina punt coverage unit was simply incompetent. Tirico's right after the play; most of these guys won't be in the NFL long. Nor do they deserve to be.

New Ravens RB is Curtis Steele, who would seem more at home in Pittsburgh. He gets a short gain before Smith misses Harper by a country mile on a quick fade. 3rd-and-7, Jaws correctly calls QB draw, and Smith scores easily on it from the 9. They caught Carolina stunting, and Stefan Rodgers made a nice block to spring the run. Lineman Joe Reitz totally blows the celebratory dunk attempt over the crossbar, though. Also, that was a group celebration and should have been a penalty. Carolina may be losing, but Terry McAulay's is the worst team on the field tonight. Ravens 17, Panthers 9

From the 25, Cantwell hits Edwards near the far sideline for 12. Vaughan squirts off right guard for 8. Carolina continues to kill themselves with penalties - ANOTHER false start, by Duke Robinson, and Cary Williams drills Edwards to break up what would have been a 1st-down catch. Panthers find solace in downing the ensuing punt at the 3 with :03 left in the 3rd.

End of 3rd quarter: Ravens 17, Panthers 9.

Steele actually ended the third quarter by spinning out of a tackle in the end zone and hitting another spinaroonie later to complete a 13-yard run. Eric Moore flashes again by dropping Steele for a big loss. Hardy and Moore combine for a second run stuff. Carolina has excelled at run D just about all night. The Panther d-line continues to control the line of scrimmage, basically beating every Raven lineman with a stunt on 3rd down. Smith dances away from some of the jailbreak but is eventually sacked inside his 5 by Nick Hayden.

Panthers from their 45 with 13:01 left. Not wanting to be left out of tonight's sack parade, big Lamar Divens, a 333-pound defensive END, rolls right over a cut block and conveniently grabs Cantwell for a sack. Ravens get away with blitzing on 3rd and long when Cantwell and David Gettis can't quite connect on a rollout pass to the sideline. And my God is the Baltimore d-line huge. John Fox challenges the call but Gettis has pretty clearly stepped way out of bounds before making the catch. Yep, Carolina to punt.

Carolina continues to kill itself with penalties, tacking 15 onto the punt return to set up the Ravens at the 40.

A program I forgot to cancel on the TiVo intrudes at this point, but in the name of historical completeness, I'll go to the Ravens radio play-by-play courtesy of NFL Audio Pass, and about a 2-hour-long reminder of why I hate dialup.

OK, punt on this till Monday when I have access to broadband. I can't get but two plays out of stupid dialup before it quits. Slow, I understand, but just quitting? Now you know why this challenge usually dies after about 20 games. I'm having enough trouble getting through game 2!

Back yet again. Go NFL AudioPass. A short pass to Davon Drew as the Ravens announcer detail the logjam ahead of him (Dickson, Pitta) at TE. (Proof I'm really listening to the broadcast.) Heh, even radio interrupts preseason games for freaking sideline interviews. After an incompletion, we never even hear the third-down play so they can talk to Anquan Boldin. Sam Koch shanks a 13-yard punt in protest.

Vaughan gets 4 to midfield, and now they're interviewing Terrell Suggs. Maybe I should switch to the Panthers broadcast. Suggs is doing MMA training this offseason. Cage match vs. Chris Long! 2nd down pass to Vaughan is incomplete, but Edgar Jones stupidly roughs him on 3rd down to set Carolina up at the Baltimore 26.

And those last two paragraphs were not worth the trouble I went through to get them.

7:00 left now, and back to the ESPN account of the game. Smoke route to Edwards, who has done essentially nothing tonight, for 1. Doug Dutch seems to get away with pretty clear pass interference on 3rd-and-4, but the officiating crew picks the flag back up (?), then Edwards fails to come up with a catch in a crowd near the goal line, to turn it over to the Ravens on downs. As a "Slash"-type player, Edwards looks like the next Marques Hagans.

The Ravens set to run out some close with 6:00 left from their 20, but an awful cough-up by Steele gives Carolina the ball back in two plays. The Ravens wish Steele the best in his future endeavors.

Huh, I forgot the Panthers drafted Tony Pike, who is in now at QB. After a blank, Dontrell Savage gets nowhere up the middle. 3rd-and-9 from the Ravens 26. Nakamura blitzes in on 3rd down and drags a late-to-react Pike down by the ankle for the sack. That tees up Kasay for a 45-yarder that brings the Panthers to within a TD. Ravens 17, Panthers 12

4:00 left, Baltimore at their 23. Another good block by Rodgers gets Steele an alley on the left side for 20. Moore CLUBS Smith in the head on a designed rollout and the referees completely ignore it. Ivy makes his second run stuff of the drive to force the Ravens to punt with 2:56 to go.

2:47 left, Panthers have a chance to go for the win from their 9. Cantwell to Dexter Jackson at the 19. Yes, they brought Cantwell back in instead of giving the ball to Pike. Vote of non-confidence? Kelly Talavou (334 pounds) destroys C.J. Davis to sack Cantwell. Just a 3-man rush there. Where do the Ravens get enough food to feed all of these giant linemen? Cantwell scrambles to the 25 to make it 3rd-and-5 at the 2:00 warning. And he beats a big blitz with a long sideline lob to Jackson at midfield. Petrowski has a deep pass go off his hands over the middle at the 20. 1:24 left, they're doing a sideline interview NOW? First-down pass to Gettis at the Raven 38. Panther line doesn't all know the snap count the next play. Kruger gets an uncontested run at Cantwell and flushes him over to Talavou for another sack. :50 left. Blank behind Edwards leaves us at 3rd-and-15. High pass for Gettis in traffic downfield; 4th down with 30 seconds to go. Brandon McKinney (324 pounds) punks Steve Justice and rushes a blank to preserve the win for Baltimore. Kneel and a win.

Final score: Ravens 17, Panthers 12.

Player of the game: Haruki Nakamura, who led the team with 5 tackles, forced the fumble at the goal line and had a sack. Also, he's one of my favorite players.

What did we learn: Ravens passing game looked really good. Behind Flacco. Bulger still seems to be suffering some PRSD (Post Rams Stress Disorder). For them right now he's basically Gus Frerotte and needs to step his game up. Liked the Panthers run D for the most part, Greg Hardy especially, and how the Ravens can roll one 300-plus-pounder after another out on D. Matt Moore doesn't convince me at Panthers QB, but I'm not quite sure Clausen's set to take a run at him, though he did look good. Like the Bengals last week, the Panthers really need to cut out all the penalties.

Up next: Saints-Patriots from Thursday.