Game 8: Seattle 20, Tennessee 18

written 8/29/10; posted 9/17/10

Lucky Seattle, they get to start their first preseason under Pete Carroll with a big, fat dose of big fathead Jeff Fisher. We'll see how naïve Carroll is by how far off-guard, or not, they get caught by Fisher's Neanderthal preseason overcompetitiveness. Watch the fake punt!

I'll say this: this is going to be a very tough game to recap if NFL Network doesn't turn on the sound. Though this is the best I've ever heard from Jamie Dukes. OK, the Seattle feed is on. Curt Menefee's doing the game for the Seahawks, with Warren Moon, of course. We just heard another long-time national announcer, Dick Stockton, doing the Miami game. The Patriots had two national announcers.

In St. Louis? We get the sports guy from the local 9:00 news.

Olindo Mare takes only a two-step run-up on the kickoff because of a mild injury and STILL blasts the opening kick inside the 5. Vince Young takes on an exuberantly loud Seattle crowd from the 22. Boy, that's a huge defensive line the Seahawks start, three DTs and one DE, really, with Red Bryant, Colin Cole, Brandon Mebane and Chris Clemons. Who the hell's supposed to rush the passer? On cue, Young drops back and has all day to hit Nate Washington at the 43. 10 more from Young to Washington out of a rock-solid pocket. SWEET call next, with play-action left to Johnson setting up a wide-open field for Ahmad Hall to take a screen pass for 25. Slant pass to Justin Gage nearly gets them the TD. It takes three tries, but Johnson eventually gets in from a foot and a half out over left tackle. Excellent opening drive for the Titans. The Seahawks have sold out against the run and are having all kinds of trouble rushing the passer and stopping the pass. Titans 7, Seahawks 0

Matt Hasselbeck takes the stage for Seattle at the 20. Ryan Mouton breaks up a deep seam pass to Deon Branch. Hasselbeck goes to Branch again, a 4-yard flare. And to Branch again for 10 and a first. Hey, as much as he's been hurt since they acquired him, they might as well get their dollar's worth out of him. Julius Jones starts at RB if you're looking for what to do with your 12th-round FFL pick. Hasselbeck has to ground a 2nd-down screen and can't whine a holding call out of the refs. Good non-call, btw. Steven Tulloch breaks up a 5-yard pass for John Carlson on 3rd down. That was an unexpectedly pass-happy possession by Seattle.

Tennessee at their 18, with Javon Ringer in for Johnson. After starting 5-5-78, Young falls apart. He drops the snap on 2nd-and-short, then rolls right on 3rd down and has his sideline pass jumped by Josh Wilson for a pick.

That sets Seattle up at the Titans 39, but Jason Babin becomes the one-millionth NFL player to whip Sean Locklear for a sack. Loss of 7. Jones then gets nowhere with a DRAW and drops a 3-YARD SLANT PASS. So Pete Carroll has already learned the nuances of running a dynamic preseason offense, then. The idiot Seahawks literally fall all over themselves trying to kill the punt at the 1 and it gets into the end zone instead.

Early leader in this year's Cheerleader Derby, btw, is the Patriots cheerleaders, by a lot, though largely because I haven't seen a Chargers game yet. Chris Simms at bat now for the Titans. Bryant stuffs Ringer on 2nd down, and on 3rd down, Michael Roos whiffs so badly on Clemons that I originally thought he was blocking for a screen pass. Easy sack for Clemons to force the 3-and-out.

Carroll stays with Hasselbeck, with Seattle in great field position again after a short punt. Quick slant to T.J. Houshmandzadeh for 10 to the Titans 38. Seahawks OC Jeremy Bates gets away with a draw to Jones on 3rd down after Jones gets stuffed on the first two downs. Tulloch, having a sweet night, breaks up another pass. Smoke route to Housh for 3 ends the quarter at the Titans 21.

End of first quarter: Titans 7, Seahawks 0.

James Jones swats down Hasselbeck's third-down pass to force a 44-yard FG out of Mare. Titans 7, Seahawks 3

Poor slant pass from Simms to Kenny Britt incomplete. Didn't the Titans keep Kerry Collins? Bryant whips left tackle #77 on 2nd down and Simms barely gets off a short pass. Titans only get off another 2-yarder on 3rd-and-long. This is Seahawks starters vs. Titans backups, btw.

DID SOMEBODY SAY WATCH THE FAKE PUNT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yes, Fisher breaks out the fake punt. I'm laughing so hard at him, and Seattle for getting burned by it for 15 yards, that I may have to call 911. Fisher takes these games so seriously he is truly pathetic. This being said by a guy attempting to blog every NFL preseason game. Punter Brett Kern threw to Ahmad Hall slipping out of the backfield.

You'd think Fisher would have tried to get the ball downfield after being so desperate as to call a fake punt in the 2nd quarter of a preseason game, but it's meek pass, failed draw, meek pass with Craig Terrill coming in untouched on Simms off a stunt, forcing a real punt this time. Menefee and Moon are going nuts about the Seattle pass rush without emphasizing that it's their starters against Tennessee's backups.

From the 18. Charlie Whitehurst, the guy Seattle gave up so much for that you wish Pete Carroll was in your fantasy league, is the new QB. Quinton Ganther burns his old team for 10+ on a circle route. Justin Forsett bounces outside left off a Russell Okung block for 13. Continues to be Seahawk starters vs. Titans subs in the trenches. 3rd-and-1 near midfield, Whitehurst burns a Titan blitz with a pass to Mike Williams, who makes Mouton look absolutely pathetic with a move that wasn't even that special and runs up the sideline for a 51-yard TD. That's Mike Williams the USC draft bust that finally got Matt Millen fired in Detroit. Blitz led to no deep safety help. Yeah, yeah, WHITEHURST RULEZZ. Never mind that it would have been a TD pass for me thanks to Mouton's pathetic play. He so overplayed to Williams' outside shoulder that the big WR's inside move made him look like a total goof. Bad tackling directly caused by a major size mismatch. Seahawks 10, Titans 7

Ringer makes a great cutback and finds a nice seam off LG, with Eugene Amano taking care of the middle linebacker, and dashes through the Seahawk secondary for 48 before Earl Thomas finally catches up to him. Simms wastes that big play a couple of plays later by foot-signaling for the shotgun snap, then starting to wander around like he's Peyton Manning making audibles. The center smacks him right in the chest with the snap and it bounces to Seattle for a turnover. Viva preseason!

On 3rd-and-8, Forsett beats LB#51 out of the backfield for about 30 to the Titans 45. Eric Bakhtiari smokes the RT for a sack the next play, though Whitehurst had a lot of time to unload. Deep slant to Ben Obamanu makes up for that. Good throw and good grab. First down at the 30. Forsett sweeps right for 6. The Whitehurst for NFL MVP Train comes crashing to a halt, though, with an interception directly to Mouton. Not Whitehurst's fault, though; he was expecting Williams to continue his route out to the sideline.

Whitehurst has a strong arm, looks accurate, looks good on his feet and has decent pocket presence. He has such a long, loopy throwing motion, though, it's no surprise he was a late draft pick (I think) and still a significant surprise that anybody would give up the farm to get him.

3:00 till halftime. A short Ringer run gets us to the 2:00 warning. Will Herring blasts Kenny Britt to break up a short pass. Britt beats Kelly Jennings deep up the sideline on 3rd-and-long but Simms overthrows everybody.

1:38 for Whitehurst from his 23 after the punt. A 2-yard pass to Golden Tate eats up 25 seconds and he drops a quick slant the next play while tightly covered. STUPID FUCKING DRAW to Forsett gets nowhere. Practice your 2:00 offense! You're in the last two minutes, morons!

If Seattle's going to run draw plays in that game situation all year, I'll actually be happy to play them twice this year.

0:53 for Simms from his 31. I'll put the over/under on first downs this possession at 1. And bet the under. DRAW TO RINGER for 7. That encourages a 4-wide formation the next play, and Simms hits TE Walter Cook for a couple. Timeout with :24 left. Deep post to Cook is high and incomplete, and I WIN MY BET!!! Punt's out of bounds with :12 left, and Seattle grinds it out from there, though not without a major shoving match between the two teams that threatens to extend the half. Whew, dodged a bullet there.

Halftime score: Seahawks 10, Titans 7.

Whitehurst leads Seattle from their 20 to start the half. Ganther is his new tailback and goes around left end for 6. Okung is still in the game, and could have been credited with TWO pancakes on that play. Ganther cuts back right and rips through the middle to the 40. Great blocking by Seattle there, too, though Okung has limped off the field. Whitehurst gets a nice pocket on third-and-short and throws a nice, tight pass to TE Cameron Morrah on a drag route for a first down. The two connect again at the Tennessee 30 on another third-and-short. Seattle's second-unit line is firmly in control of the line of scrimmage, though they are better-rested. Bad pass behind Williams on a skinny post. They then run their THIRD STRAIGHT DRAW PLAY ON SECOND AND LONG, NONE OF WHICH HAS WORKED. Third-and-11, a slant to Kyle Heckendorf isn't quite where it needed to be, was dropped, and wouldn't have been a first down anyway. Olindo Mare and Josh Brown are sure having outstanding preseasons, though, for kickers who are supposed to be injured. Mare strokes it perfectly from 45. Seahawks 13, Titans 7.

Punter Jon Ryan takes over on kickoffs for Seattle now. Simms to set out from the 26. He needs a timeout after a poor 4-yard flare to the tight end and is just not having a good night. The Dopily-Spelled Telecom Stadium crowd has been an impressive factor. Britt double-clutches a bullet pass at the 39 to keep Tennessee alive. BIG block by fullback #44 lets Stafon Johnson rip around right end for about 15. So, just as the Titan offense appears to be hitting its stride for the first time since the opening possession, HOLDING on Fernando Velasco. About three guys get to Simms on third-and-a-mile. TV gives the sack to Dexter Davis; I give it to Craig Terrill, who got there with a sweet spin move; also, LDE Raheem Brock really bullrushed RT Mike Otto to bottle things up.

Seattle reboots at their 34. Nice slant pass to Obamanu for 13. Deon Butler's third down route is well short, but he makes up for it on 4th-and-2 (Note to Steve Spagnuolo: you're allowed to go for those), burning Mouton AGAIN, deep out of a 4-WR look for 36. One of the officials does NOT penalize Pete Carroll for illegally being on the field during the play, elbowing him back toward his sideline instead. Throw the flag! Whitehurst rolls right and hits Morrah inside the 5. And the Titans leave rookie TE Anthony McCoy wide open right inside the goal line for the TD. Jeff Fisher must be wondering, “What the hell happened? I ran our fake punt and everything.” Seahawks 20, Titans 7.

Someone named Rusty Smith – seriously? - is the new Tennessee QB, and LaGarette Blount, hopefully keeping his helmet on, is the new tailback. But it's Stafon Johnson who Smith throws an eight-yard shovel to out to the 40 as the quarter ends.

End of third quarter: Seahawks 20, Titans 7.

That last play was the play where Johnson's ankle was badly mangled, bringing a sudden and sad ending to one of this season's inspiring comeback stories, Johnson having come back from a weight room injury that nearly killed him at USC. This kid has sacrificed a ton for football and deserves better luck than he's getting. Menefee, Moon and the Seattle broadcast do a terrific job with this situation; so does the Seattle crowd. When Blount replaces Johnson, Moon comes thisclose to saying the feel-good story's being replaced by a feel-bad story. Somebody get Warren Moon a national broadcasting job right now (if he doesn't have one).

Meanwhile, Smith gets extremely lucky and an interception goes through CORD PARKS' hands and into Paul Williams' for a first down at Seattle's 40. Parks gets revenge a couple of plays later; he and Jamar Adams light up Williams on third down to force a 46-yard FG. Seahawks 20, Titans 10.

With about 12:45 left, UFL refugee J.P. Losman gets the call for Seattle at the 20. Raiders refugee Louis Rankin blasts off left tackle for 16. That, though, is where the drive bogs down, with Losman throwing a couple of short routes hard but incomplete.

10:23 left, Titans at their 19. Not much urgency for a team down 10 points; line plunge, short pass, short pass, and the last is dropped by Paul Williams on third down. That might be his third drop tonight. The Titans wish Paul Williams the best in his future endeavors. Took this game a while but it has smacked the wall pretty hard.

Seattle at their 14 with 8:49 left. Hey, a Ruvell Martin sighting! He makes a 2-yard catch on 2nd down and was the intended receiver on 3rd down, but Losman really hung a sideline pass behind him and somebody named Alterraun Verner jumps the route and picks it off. I'd have died on the spot if they revealed his name was spelled "Alderaan". Fisher is jumping up and down like he just got picked to Come on down! as the next contestant on The Price is Right. Why so little urgency the last time you had the ball then? Somebody get Fisher his lithium pills.

Since this is obviously such a vital game, Carroll challenges the call. Great work by the TV crew again; they come up with a perfect replay, and there's pretty much nothing for Peter Morelli to overrule, even if Verner didn't catch it, you can't see it. Tennessee ball.

Tennessee's quickly down to the 12 after a 16-yard completion to TE Steven Phelan (sp?) (sp?). Then Smith pulls out too early from center. Viva preseason! 1st-15. Parks manages to drop an interception in the end zone, a pass that Smith threw so softly it had hang time on it. Most people's DOGS could have caught that ball on the fly in their mouths. Certainly Captain Jack the Maniac could have. The Seahawks wish Cord Parks the best in his future endeavors. Obvious pass interference in the end zone on Marcus Brown two plays later sets Tennessee up at the 1, though. You are never going to be inconspicuous as a defensive back on any play wearing jersey number FOUR, Marcus. Change that immediately. Blount needs three tries but finally crosses the goal line with 4:35 to go. Seahawks 20, Titans 16

Fisher receives infinite credit from me next for having the presence of mind to remember to go for two here and guarantee the game won't be a tie. Smith hits Mark Mariani at the goal line for the two-point conversion. Seahawks 20, Titans 18

Parks returns the ensuing kickoff to the 29. Three Ganther carries and a Losman QB sneak grind the clock down to 2:00. On the sneak play, #67 rips Steve Vallos' helmet off his head without a call. And, no, FUCKING FISHER USES HIS LAST TIMEOUT AT 2:03 TO ENSURE THIS GAME WILL TAKE AN ETERNITY TO END.

Seahawks need to convert a 3rd-and-short with 1:59 to stick a fork in this thing. My money's on a punt. I win again. They stupidly hand off to Ganther up the middle and he loses a yard. No rest for the Preseason Challenge, thanks a lot, Carroll.

Good punt return by Mariani sets Tennessee up at their 28 with 1:00 left. FOUR-YARD PASS. There goes 20 seconds. Smith throws the next pass directly to Cam Chancellor. He's a Seattle DB. That throw would have fallen ten feet short of the receiver it was aimed at; it was so bad, I have no idea what Rusty Smith was thinking of when he threw it, other than a hope that the Home Depot is hiring. The Titans wish Rusty Smith the best in his future endeavors.

Final score: Seahawks 20, Titans 18.

Player of the game: Seattle fans are probably going to say Jesus Whitehurst, but my POTG's going to head coach Pete Carroll. The biggest difference in this game was that Seattle's starters stayed in longer. So not only did they reap that advantage, their second-string was fresher than Tennessee's when they came in. Seattle got most of their 20 points off that advantage. So for having the winning player rotation, Carroll goes home with the honors.

What did we learn: Not too damn much. Seattle's offense didn't do anything against Tennessee's starters, especially on the ground. Same for their D. I'll repeat that they're going very big on their d-line this year and selling out against the run. Rams are going to have to pass to set up the run if they're going to end the NFL's most undeserved winning streak by one team over another this season. Britt's an enigmatic guy in Tennessee; pretty illuminating he played so late into the game. Doesn't seem like Jeff Fisher's willing to trust him yet.

Up next: Hold on, I don't know, I have to check. OK, Lions at Steelers. Keep 'em coming!

Game 7: Miami 10, Tampa Bay 7

written 8/29/2010; posted 9/17/10

The slowest Preseason Challenge in memory jerks back to life with what's regularly one of the worst preseason matchups, Dolphins and Buccaneers. We've got the Dolphins broadcast, which is not quoting Shula, or Lombardi, or Halas in the intro: they're quoting Thoreau. Nobody says Florida and football like the author of Walden, I guess.

Reflecting Florida's aging population, the Dolphin broadcast crew is Bob Griese (who immediately calls the head coach “Coach Soprano,” Nat Moore and 109-year-old Dick Stockton. It is raining large cats and large dogs in Miami at kickoff.

Chad Henne starts the first leg of this swim meet at his 17. Dolphins starting LG, btw, is Richie Incognito. Ronnie Brown goes behind him and center for 8 and Miami's first down, and 7 more the next carry. Holding penalty kills the drive a play later, surprisingly, a penalty not on Incognito, but Vernon Carey. They idiotically try a FUCKING SCREEN PASS on third-and-a-mile during a hurricane and it unsurprisingly fails, with Ganja Boy as the intended receiver. Penalty killed a good Miami drive.

Ironically, tonight's deluge is coming to us from Sun Life Stadium. Bucs got a good kick return from Sammie Stroughter and Josh Freeman will set off from the 46. Maurice Stovall on the sideline for 8, then Cadillac spins off a tackle and goes up the middle for 8 more. Koa Misi flushes Freeman for a 6-yard scramble after a false start, and flushes him again on 3rd down, with Channing Crowder keeping him short of the first. Jared Odrick is also a rookie starter for the Dolphins d-line. Bucs kill the punt at the 6. Misi's pressure was the story of that drive.

This rivalry is usually a slopfest without the pouring rain. Quick slant attempt to Brandon Marshall is broken up, and after another false start, amazingly another penalty not on Incognito, Lousaka Polite nearly bobbles a short circle pass away to the Bucs. Luckily, their punter Brandon Fields nails a 59-yard bomb to make Tampa work for their points.

Bucs run right with success, 8 for Cadillac, 5 for Ward, then go deep down the sidelines for Mike Williams on 3rd-and-3 later for 25. That's Mike Williams from Syracuse. That gets them inside the 15, and Freeman makes a wonderful play two plays later, sliding well in the pocket and finding Stroughter all alone at the 2 for a TD. Lousy coverage by Sean Smith there; that assignment was pretty clearly his, and he's five yards off Stroughter with both feet in his own end zone. Bucs 7, Dolphins 0

Tampa was certainly not afraid to let Freeman throw downfield in very sloppy conditions, PAT SHURMUR. From his 25, Henne rolls right and hits Anthony Fasano at the sideline for 10. Wobbly pass is BRUTALLY FUCKING DROPPED by Marshall. Heh. Enjoy your purchase, Miami. Henne keeps throwing miserable wobblers, one not within 5 yards of a Dolphin on 2nd down and one dropped by Brian Hartline on 3rd down. P.U. Check the weather report if you're dumb enough to have Henne on your fantasy team in 2010. He's worse in the rain than an Indy car.

27-yard line for the Bucs. No, the 17. Either they missed a penalty, or Stockton is drunk, or Stockton is senile. Possibly all 3. Josh Johnson has entered the game at QB. Vontae Davis trips up Derrick Ward for a loss. After a false start, Johnson throws a pass with nice velocity through Michael Clayton's worthless hands. Johnson then takes off for 18 off a designed QB draw for a first down despite the snap nearly going over his head.

Have I mentioned in this blog that if defenses WON'T STOP STUPID DRAW PLAYS ON THIRD AND LONG, OFFENSES WILL NEVER QUIT RUNNING THEM? Actually, this preseason may be making that a viable play call again.

End of first quarter: Bucs 7, Dolphins 0.

Bucs come out bombing to start the second quarter, PAT SHURMUR, but #15's route is really bad and the pass is easily picked off by Sean Smith. That looked like a blatantly stupid throw by Johnson, but I think the ball was where it was supposed to be; the receiver was not. Corner route's got to end up a lot closer to the sideline than that.

Replay shows QB and receiver were so far off on the INT because safety Chris Clemons jumped the route nicely. Dolphins kill themselves with a FALSE START AGAIN, but astonishingly, yet another penalty not on Incognito. Henne completes some short passes but a STUPID FUCKING SCREEN to Ganja Boy on 3rd-and-5 actually loses 5. CB E.J. Biggers shut that down nicely. Though the Dolphins may want to think about putting him on a pitch count, Fields launches a 61-yard blast. He's probably the only thing keeping the Dolphins in the game.

The NFL knows that the “Snatch and grab it” song they play in one of their commercials isn't exactly about buying football tickets, don't they? This same organization banned “Rock and Roll Part 2” in its stadiums because of Gary Glitter's pedophilia arrest thirty years after the song was recorded. Similarly, it's amazing how many smutty songs from the first half of last century are in regular use in TV commercials for wholesome products.

Bucs cross midfield while I'm on that rant thanks to the legendary Josh Johnson-Brian Purvis (sp?) connection, for 15 and 10. You can't stop Brian Purvis, you can only hope to contain him. Bucs call timeout, then, naturally, false-start the next play. And they hold the next. 1st-25 at the Buc 42, I assume we can write off this drive. SCREEN on first down, nice pass breakup by Nolan Carroll on 2nd, RETARDED FUCKING DRAW on 3rd, that Ward fumbles back to Miami anyway, proves me right. Bucs deserved that turnover for their crappy play-calling.

It took longer than I thought, but as usual, a Tampa-Miami game has run smack into the preseason wall before it's even halftime. Tyler Thigpen diving in now at QB for the Dolphins from his own 46. First sack of the night as Michael Bennett whips Andrew Gardiner right off the snap and drops Thigpen before he can even figure out what's going on. Dolphins at least have the decency to wing it deep on 3rd-and-long, but Greg Camarillo, not yet a Viking, is well-covered and the throw is a little long. Fields, clearly wearing out, only kicks this punt 50 yards.

LB Micah Johnson lets the Bucs out of a hole by taking Josh Johnson down way late. 3rd-and-3 from the 42, Josh gets all night to throw and hits Stroughter over the middle for 17. Exact opposite happens the next play. Nearly every Dolphin rusher gets to Johnson, the ball slips out of his hand on the drawback in classic Football Follies fashion, and Paul Soliai jumps on the loose ball (and probably flattens it) to get Miami the ball back at the Tampa 45. About 3:20 till halftime.

Immediately going DOWNFIELD, PAT SHURMUR, off play-action, Thigpen drills Patrick Turner wide open across the zone for 35. 1st-goal. Ganja Boy puffs his way down to the 5. 2:00 warning.

The Bucs stuff Ganja on 2nd down, though, and a terrible snap in the baseball infield part of the field, which has been primordial muck from the kickoff, scoots past Thigpen on 3rd-and-goal and Tampa jumps on it for a big turnover.

Bucs run safety middle handoffs, and Miami calls defensive timeouts, BECAUSE THIS HALF HASN'T BEEN LONG ENOUGH ALREADY. Micah Johnson stuffs Ward for a big loss on 3rd down to force a punt with :59 left. Nobody blocked him, and Ward ran right into him.

I've seen the idea out there that the Rams try to trade for Ward to replace Chris Ogbonnaya. The field is total slop tonight, but from what I've seen, Ward isn't any better. He's got the acceleration of a tractor-trailer. Going uphill. Dolphins get the short punt and short field they were hoping for. They're at the Tampa 39 with 49 seconds left in the half.

Marlon Moore drops the STUPID FUCKING SMOKE PASS to start the drive. Then A STUPID FUCKING HANDOFF to Brown. The Dolphins called all those defensive timeouts so they could get the ball back and run THESE plays? Late hit by Sabby Piscitelli makes their strategy look good. 15 yards down to the 23. Thigpen can't connect with a well-covered Turner in the back of the end zone, though, and I can't believe this – they're going to have their kicker try a FG from out of the mud mess. Dan Carpenter hits it, though, from 34. Impressive. Half ends with a squib kick and a Johnson kneel.

Halftime score: Bucs 7, Dolphins 3. Another electrifying Tampa-Miami preseason game.

Arrelious Benn returns the 2nd-half kickoff, shows little speed, slips at the 22. Pretty much his senior year in a nutshell. Josh Johnson remains QB for Tampa. Johnson completes a pass to himself, batted at the line, for a 10-yard loss. VIVA PRESEASON! I'm not the only person who feels like this game's been going on forever; Stockton just identified it as the second preseason game. It's the first. Hilariously, on 3rd-and-very long, the shotgun snap rolls to Johnson, he's about to gets sacked, and trying to throw it away down the near sideline, HITS Michael Spurlock with an amazing leaning, tip-toeing catch for 20 and a first down. Spurlock completely juked CB Nate Ness by faking a run back toward Johnson and then heading back upfield. End-around to the dangerously-not-speedy Benn loses 4. Hey, at least it was creative. Kareem Huggins gets a huge hole off left tackle courtesy of Ted Larsen and poor safety play for a 35-yard run. Follow that with another classic preseason play; Johnson slips and falls trying to roll left, tries to keep the play alive but two Dolphins are bearing down on him the whole way and he LOSES 14 yards. Took them well out of FG range. A punt saves us from any more of Johnson's adventures and misadventures.

Dolphins start at their 6. Lex Hilliard, another target of Rams fans looking for a backup to Steven Jackson, bounces outside for 3. He gets a screen for 6 more. I believe Thigpen is still at QB for Miami. Michael Bennett gets a direct beeline on Thigpen on 3rd-and-1 and forces a bad pass and a 3-and-out. Looks like #63 missed his blocking assignment; Bennett walked in all alone on the QB. Another moonshot punt by Fields, but the coverage doesn't catch up this time and Tampa returns it to the 40.

Rudy Carpenter is your new Bucs QB. Really? Jevan Snead couldn't even beat out this guy? Bucs ruin a big tackle-for-loss by Dotson (missed blocking assignment by Larsen) with a screen to Huggins that gets 15 and a first, and he takes off for about 20 more. I'm in a church fantasy league with 10 players and 16 rounds; Kareem Huggins may be drafted in it. Carpenter fails to get the Bucs inside the Miami 30, though, and Hunter Lawrence just barely misses right on a 49-yard FG attempt. At least interesting things happen when Tampa has the ball. Miami has been mostly crap.

Thigpen remains at the wheel for Miami. He hits Marlon Moore for a first down at midfield, then Hilliard for 11 on a screen, followed by Moore making a sideline catch for 34 more down to the 11. Moore came back well for that ball and then cut it back across the field, a mini-version of Isaac Bruce's TD catch in Super Bowl XXXIV. Thigpen hits the backup fullback Lumbala (the Ugandan Giant?) at the 2. Hilliard blasts in off right tackle to put energy into the home crowd for the first time tonight. Thigpen finally got into good rhythm that drive, and Moore's catches made the drive. Keep an eye on him if the Rams need a waiver wire pickup later this month.

End of third quarter: Dolphins 10, Bucs 7.

Bucs disembark from their 25. Pat Shurmur offense fails again as the Bucs three-and-out on three dink passes, with Spurlock dropping the pass on 3rd down.

13:17 to play. Thigpen throws a fairly wild sideline pass. Hilliard draws for 6. Quick hitch to Turner for the 1st. Hey, maybe Shurmur-ball works after all. Running with nice power, Hilliard sweeps left for 3. Thigpen's 2nd-down pass is batted down at the line, and his 3rd-down pass is behind Turner and incomplete to force a punt. Pretty crappy series for Thigpen. Also for Fields, whose 7th punt of the night is only an attempt; it's blocked by Cory Lynch. Lynch? #41? For the Bucs? A relative?

10:45 left and the Bucs are already in scoring range at the Miami 30. Like that they immediately go for the end zone after the turnover, but Ness nearly picks it off. Chris Brooks stabs a high pass out of the air over the middle for 15, and Carlos Brown chugs inside the 5 to set the Bucs up nicely. Brown is stuffed twice, though. The Bucs bring Huggins back in on 3rd down, and Carpenter goes to Terrence Nunn double-teamed in the end zone. He drops it. Raheem Morris has the decency not to try to tie a preseason game in the 4th quarter. Carpenter throws a quick slant to the goal line, and Nunn fails to come up with it again, with Ness breaking it up. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers wish Terrence Nunn the best in his future endeavors.

Dolphins inside their own 5 with about 6:30 left, Thigpen still at QB. No Pat White at all tonight, apparently. Two completions to Julius Pruitt get them out of the shadow of their goalpost. Tampa starts spending timeouts with 3:20 to go. Lynch breaks up a 3rd-down pass in the middle of the field with 3:00 left. Fields' punt is truly poor this time and Preston Parker returns it across midfield.

2:49 to go at the Miami 45. Carpenter throws behind Benn, who looks awful trying to come up with the incomplete pass anyway. 5 to Brooks. 13 gets wide open up the seam, burning the crap out of Kevin Hobbs, and Carpenter does a fine job hitting him at the 10, but 31 strips him of the ball. Rashad Jones scoops it up and it should put the game away for Miami. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers wish #13 the best in his future endeavors.

No, here's Pat White in the game now at his own 9. He gets to hand off once and then kneel out the clock. Thrillsville.

Final score: Dolphins 10, Bucs 7.

Player of the game: Miami's secondary made a couple of huge plays, and there's the miracle of Richie Incognito performing in an NFL game without committing a penalty, but tonight's POTG is, of course, the PUNTER, Brandon Fields. His bombs kept Tampa from absolutely dominating the field position battle and that, along with Buc receivers who can't tie their own shoes, was the main reason Miami didn't get beaten rather soundly tonight.

What did we learn: Miami-Tampa continues to be the league's most dreadful preseason rivalry. It should be euthanized. I thought both teams managed pretty good running games. Miami with Brown, and Tampa with Cadillac and Huggins. Didn't like Derrick Ward at all. Michael Bennett will be a great pass rush threat for Tampa this season if opponents continually forget to block him, like Miami did. Henne's performance tonight leaves an uncomfortable number of questions, but let's keep the weather in mind for now. Not like Thigpen set the world on fire anyway.

Up next: Tennessee at Seattle. It will do my heart good to see somebody else in our division having to put up with Jeff Fisher's passive-aggressive preseason crap for a change.