Let the tripleheader begin, as Scott Linehan brings his amazing brand of offense to the 0-16 Lions, who'll be hosting the 2008 NFC Cinderellas from Atlanta.
Is it possible for a team to be worse than 0-16? I mean, the Lions plus SCOTT LINEHAN?
I'm on a no-rewind rule for this tripleheader, so I've already missed the name of the Falcons' play-by-play announcer. Brian Baldinger's on color.
Atlanta returns a short kickoff only to the 20, with Chris Roberson making the stick for the Lions. Matt Ryan goes deep for Michael Jenkins on the opening play but the throw's too long and out of bounds. Ryan throws the next pass away but there's a penalty on Detroit the broadcast doesn't even pick up. Guys, it's the third play of the game! Look alive! Block in the back on Atlanta now moves them back to the 22. Viva preseason! Draw to Michael Turner for 4, leaving 3rd-and-4. Quick out to Tony Gonzalez for a first down. Landon Cohen stuffs a Turner run at the 32. 2nd-11, short naked bootleg to Jenkins gets maybe 3. I am forever going to fail to see the point of that play. Ryan gets forever to throw on third down but has to throw it away. The Atlanta broadcast's camera work so far has been terrible. Actually, the whole broadcast is terrible. You want to help me out and identify a player or two, play-by-play man? Detroit will start at their 43 after a very poor Michael Koenen punt.
Daunte Culpepper starts at QB for Detroit. Nice run up the middle by Kevin Smith for 7. Another middle handoff to Smith gets the first. Smith gets out all alone in the right flat for a screen and takes it down to the Atlanta 36. Culpepper dances away from a Falcon blitz but his deep throw for Derrick Williams is through the back of the end zone. Illegal contact on Atlanta, though; 1st-10 now at the 30. Obvious run for Aveion Cason stuffed for no gain. Smith's done already? Linehan's new team's doing a far better job picking up blitzes than his old team did, but Culpepper has to scramble right for a couple. 3rd-7. They run a screen against yet another Falcon blitz and Smith roams down to the 11 with it. Did Linehan ever call a play like that for the Rams? Look out now, though, Linehan's in the red one. Cason up the middle for nothing. Culpepper has to tuck and run quickly, but has a lot of room and gets down to the 2. Can the Lions put it in the end zone? No! Thomas Johnson surges up the middle and trips Culpepper before he can get started on a roll out. Lions lose 7 yards.
Love that clutch Linehan offense. Here's a shock - they settle for a FG in the red zone.
Detroit 3, Atlanta 0.
Jason Hansen's apparently never going to kick anything deep, but Atlanta's return once again is barely out to the 20. Turner busts loose for 10-plus over the right side to finally get ATL's running game going. Roddy White slips a tackle on the sideline for 14. Falcons now at their 47. Dewayne White blows up an end-around for Roddy White, who is lucky to get back upfield to net no gain out of the play. Short pass to White for 6 next, good open-field tackle by Prioleau Pearson. 3rd-4, Ryan spears Brian Finneran at the Lion 40 for a 1st. Turner blasts through a big hole on the right side next and breaks a couple of tackles in the secondary for a 40-yard TD. Yeah, think he's getting the rest of the night off. Poor safety play by Lamarcus Hicks made that a much bigger play than it had to be.
Atlanta 7, Detroit 3.
Big blocks by Tyson Clabo and Ovie Mughelli to break open the Turner TD run. Lions also blew at least two tackles.
Cason returns a miserably short kickoff by Koenen from the 12 to the 29. Apparently it's Directional Kick Day at Ford Field. He takes the next handoff around right end for 6, and goes off the right side again for 2. Culpepper beats yet another Atlanta blitz with a quick pass to TE Jerome Felton at the 45.
Wait a minute. A Scott Linehan offense throwing the ball to the tight end?
End of first quarter: Atlanta 7, Detroit 3.
Atlanta's crappy broadcast returns late and we see only the tail end of a Cason 4-yard run. Brent Grimes breaks up a 2nd-down pass for Keary Colbert. Culpepper has to scramble away from YET ANOTHER Atlanta blitz for no gain. Punt is fair-caught at the 12.
Chris Redman and Jerious Norwood take over as the new Atlanta backfield. Hold on Atlanta moves them back to the 6. Redman retreats to his end zone and hits Justin Peelle on the sideline for three yards. Marty Booker's 8-yard catch leaves 3rd-and-5, and Anthony Henry makes a nice open-field tackle to stop Booker short in the flat to force the punt.
Lions take over at their 34. Stafford time?
Nope, it's Culpepper handing off to Cason, I guess, for no gain. Play action dumpoff to Terrelle Smith for little or no gain, either. 3rd-10. A penalty the Atlanta broadcast crew DOESN'T CARE ENOUGH TO TELL US ABOUT leaves Detroit 3rd-and-23, and Linehan dials up one of his best plays: the we-surrender dumpoff into the flat.
Eric Weems makes the best punt return of the preseason so far, returning Nic Harris' deep punt from the 20 out to the Lion 45. He faked left right after the catch and just sped off behind good blocking on the right side. Pretty classic breakaway punt return there.
Robert Ferguson slips and falls and Redman's first down pass from the Lion 46 is incomplete. Norwood up the middle for 3. On third down, Redman spears White and he slashes down to the 33 with a first down. Pitchout right to Norwood for 3; good run support by Henry. Norwood gets nothing up the middle on 2nd down, but the Lions should have gotten 15 for tearing his helmet off. In what league is that an acceptable play? Redman can't connect with Peelle on third down, as it's Henry again breaking up the play. Jason Elam hits a FG from 46, which I'm predicting is also the distance of the next kickoff.
Atlanta 10, Detroit 3.
No, it's actually a deep kickoff to the 2, but Derrick Williams returns it 30 yards. And now it's Matthew Stafford time. Let's see if Linehan turns him loose like the Jets did with Sanchez last night. Play-action deep middle pass for Colbert, and it goes right through his hands. Stafford follows that with a timeout. Ah, rookies. We get our first sideline shot of Linehan. Stafford's first completion is a quick slant to Williams for 10; nice catch. Little gain for Cason again off the left side. Big blitz by Atlanta on 2nd-and-9; Stafford beats it with a screen to Cason, who gets taken down awkwardly without a penalty. 3rd-4. Stafford steps up from pressure and fires for Colbert on a drag, and HE DROPS IT AGAIN. Be seeing you in the UFL, Keary. Good work by the Lions special teams to down the punt at the 2. No? Illegal formation; re-punt. Fair catch at the 14 now. Atlanta was offsides, and Detroit declines? Isn't that enforceable from the spot of the catch?
Colbert really denied Stafford an opportunity to get off to a hot start that last drive, though Matthew's going to have to learn to take a little off some of his passes.
Falcons from their 14. No idea why Detroit declined the offsides. Guess they're happy enough with that field position. Which just got better with Cliff Avril jumping offside. VIVA PRESEASON! 1st-5 from the 19. Norwood blasts through a big hole off left tackle for 8. Baldinger calls out Brett Romberg(!) for a good block. Redman has to throw the next pass away. Booker drops a pass over the middle with Redman trying to beat a blitz. WILL SOMEBODY AT NFL.COM PLEASE GET TO WORK ON UPDATING THE TEAM ROSTERS? Redman steps out of trouble on 3rd down but has to dump off to Norwood, who can only gain a couple. Falcons shut down the punt return nicely at the Detroit 16. 2:44 till halftime.
Rollout pass to Will Heller for 2. That's TWO passes by a Linehan offense to the TE tonight. Perfect deep pass by Stafford to Colbert up the sideline. That's the throw you've got to make in this league to beat that 2-deep zone coverage. First down at the 2:00 warning.
Last play went 29 yards. Cason busts off the right side now for 8. Stafford guns a THIRD pass OFF COLBERT'S HANDS for an incomplete. Yes, Colbert sucks, but Stafford can't throw everything 90 mph, either. Maybe if Keary pronounced his last name Col-BAIR... Good coverage by Chris Owens prevents another go route completion to Colbert. Weems fields a short Harris punt at the 18 with 1:18 left.
Falcons appear content to just run out the clock. They handoff to Norwood and are in no hurry to get the next play off. Norwood busts off the right side to get a 1st down out at the 30, and the Falcons just let the clock run out. Mmm-kay.
Halftime score: Atlanta 10, Detroit 3.
Aaron Brown's out to the 35 with the kickoff to open the second half for Detroit. Atlanta gave him a lot of running room. Stafford hands to Allen Ervin (didn't he direct all those 70s disaster movies, like Towering Inferno and Earthquake?) for no gain, and Chris Owens, having a nice game, shuts him down at the 39 on 2nd down. On 3rd down, Stafford really dumbly tries to make a throw off-balance and on the backpedal, and LB Tony Gilbert jumps it easily for Atlanta and returns it 42 yards for a TD. Elam appears to slip and fall on the PAT and misses it badly. How come the Ford Field FieldTurf is so slippery tonight?
Atlanta 16, Detroit 3. Also: Mark Sanchez 1, Matthew Stafford 0.
The ensuing kickoff's a touchback. Ervin spins for 4. NFL Network has unfortunately stuck with the poor Atlanta broadcast here in the 2nd half. Stafford misses Eric Fowler badly to give us 3rd-and-6. Screen to Ervin works very well and gets the Lions out to their 46 for a first down. Probably beat a Falcon blitz again.
AND AGAIN I ASK, WHEN DID SCOTT LINEHAN EVER CALL PLAYS LIKE THAT FOR THE RAMS?
False start; 1st-15, Lions. It's really peeving me that NFL Network is not staying with their policy of doing one half with the visiting team's announcers and the other with the home team's announcers. Instead of getting Detroit's pretty good team, we're stuck with the poor Atlanta broadcast the whole game. They're now busier interviewing owner Arthur Blank than calling the game.
Guess I'd better not talk. Stafford hits Fowler with a nice pass at the Falcon 38, then Adam Jennings gains 9 on an end-around. The Falcons blitz and stuff Ervin for a yard loss. 3rd-2 at the Falcon 30. Lions passing all the way. Stafford has to step up and scramble and carries a big Falcon on his back for 5 yards. Play action pass is well incomplete. Lions are accounting for the Falcon blitz pretty well. If the Rams play like they did last night, though, Marc Bulger's going to be sacked 18 times next Friday. Yet another Falcon blitzer hits Stafford as he throws, but he still makes a pretty pass to a tightly-covered Williams for a Lion TD. Hmm, Motown may have a QB conundrum on its hands, if not a full-blown controversy just yet.
Atlanta 16, Detroit 10.
What has happened to the fine art of the deep kickoff? Chandler Williams returns a short kick out to the 34 to Atlanta. Hmm, cross him with Lions LB Darnell Bing and you get that annoying fat guy who used to be on Friends.
D.J. Shockley the new Atlanta QB; Jason Snelling at tailback. A second-down pass for Weems is low into the ground, but the third-down pass to him splits two Lions for an apparent first down. Add 15 more after a facemask call on Chartric "Chuck" Darby. Falcons now at the Lion 39. Shockley goes up top for Ferguson in the end zone, but Eric King saves a TD catch. With textbook pass interference. The refs rack Atlanta up at the one-yard line, where Snelling bumps his way in on the first attempt. Fine second effort on the play.
Atlanta 23, Detroit 10.
Stat of the last drive: the Lions committed 53 yards of penalties. On a 66-yard drive! Brown gets hemmed in at the 20 with the ensuing kickoff. We're halfway through the third quarter, which always seems to be the Heartbreak Hill of any given preseason game for us viewers. Drew Stanton's your new Lions QB. Atlanta badly blows the tackle on a screen to Erwin, and he breaks away out to the 33 for a first down. The refs say he fumbled on the play, but replay shows his knee was down. Lions HC Jim Schwartz challenges and we should get an overturn. (See, I know Linehan's not the HC in Detroit.) Walt Coleman confirms our suspicions after taking longer than it took to do the 2000 Florida recount to review the play. The Lions also dodge a turnover the next play, as an Atlanta penalty excised Jamie Winborn's interception of an ill-advised Stanton throw. So after all this, we're 1st-and-10 at the 34. VIVA PRESEASON! Winborn stuffs a 2nd-down run to force 3rd-and-5. Atlanta stuns me by NOT blitzing, and Stanton scrambles out to the 48 for a first. Ervin blows up the middle for 14 more, then Brown bounces a run around right end for 8. Brown makes another nice cutback run from the 32, and with the whole Atlanta defense overpursuing, he darts up the left sideline for a TD to pull the Lions back close.
Atlanta 23, Detroit 17.
Chandler Williams out to the 31 with another puny kickoff from Hanson. Shockley's pass for Ben Hartsock is nearly picked off. Hold on Will Svitek moves them back to the 21. Under pressure, Shockley fires a high pass incomplete off Williams' fingertips. The Falcons run a we-surrender handoff on third-and-long. Fair catch at the 26 for Detroit.
Irwin hesitates, and is lost for minus-4. Stanton's unconvincing play-fake the next play doesn't matter as he escapes the pocket and scrambles for a 27-yard gain. Boy did Atlanta leave him a lot of room. Owens stuffs another run to end the third stanza.
End of third quarter: Atlanta 23, Detroit 17.
The Lions start the 4th quarter 2nd-and-9 just across midfield. They've rushed for an actually-impressive 162 yards today. Another cutback run by Brown for 7, but Coy Wire fills and shuts him down on third down. Harris "pins" Atlanta at the 14 with the punt.
Wow, Sports Illustrated is giving away Madden 10 with new subscriptions? All I ever get is a freaking sports bag!
Stu Schweigert stuffs a Thomas Brown run for a loss, then Chandler Williams bobbles an out route for an incompletion. Shockley drills one to Weems for 14 and a first down, though. That play could be a backbreaker for Detroit. Schweigert gets the better of Brown again, submarining him after a 2-yard gain. Brown gets good blocking on 2nd down, and dare-I-say bobs and weaves for 9 and another first. The Lions shut down the next two runs, though, and Shockley's 3rd-and-6 bullet is off Weems' hands. Detroit returns the punt to the 20 and will set up shop there with 9:30 left.
Dreaded 3-yard naked bootleg pass to TE Dan Gronkowski. Great football name even though he nearly bobbles it away for an INT.
WAS THAT LINEHAN CALLING A THROW TO THE TIGHT END AGAIN?
This is more like Linehan; he calls a stupid screen pass on third and 7, Atlanta blows it up, and Stanton draws a grounding penalty trying to throw it away.
Harris blasts a near-60-yard punt from his goal line, but way outkicked his coverage, and Chandler Williams brings it back 20-plus yards to the Atlanta 45.
I'll have to confess I have violated my no-rewind rule for the day, but only a couple of times.
John Parker Wilson batting cleanup for Atlanta at QB. He hits Verron Haynes on a rollout pass for about 13 and a first down. Brown then wriggles out of an impossible pileout for 5. He should have had 1 at best. That's what he gets on 2nd down. 3rd-4 at the Lion 37. Wilson fires to Aaron Kelly on the sideline for 7. Brown gets 3 on a pitchback right. Flare to Keith Zinger gets 4 more. They try a way-too-cute inside handoff to Snelling off a fake reverse. Idiots, the fake reverse drew the Lions right to Snelling, and he lost a handful. Elam appears to take Detroit out of the game with about a 45-yard FG with 2:54 to go.
Atlanta 26, Detroit 17.
Now cracking soda #8 of the 2009 Challenge. Good coverage by Atlanta has Detroit stuck at their 16 to start the drive. Stanton scrambles to the 30 on 2nd-and-1 to stop the clock at 2:22. Fake handoff and Stanton hits Carson Butler down the seam for 25. Timeout, Lions at 2:12.
THAT WAS YET ANOTHER PASS TO THE TIGHT END IN A SCOTT LINEHAN OFFENSE!
And now Stanton beats the billionth Falcon blitz of the day by dumping off to Brown, who's already behind the whole Falcon defense, and he sprints off for a 45-yard TD with 2:05 left. Brown also gets a penalty for the nifty handspring and backflip he performs in the end zone to celebrate his TD. I wasn't aware that was a penalty. Isn't that just a spontaneous individual celebration?
Atlanta 26, Detroit 24.
The Lions kick off from the 15 after the penalty. An onside kick appears to work, but the referee rules the confused Falcons got a timeout called in time. So Detroit kicks deep and Chandler Williams returns it to the 29. Schweigert stuffs yet another run as the 2:00, er, 1:58 warning arrives.
Detroit stuffs another Thomas Brown run and calls another timeout at 1:52. 3rd-14, and Wilson is stopped by Ryan Kees for 1 on a scramble. Zinger takes down Dexter Wynn at the 27 on the punt return.
Detroit ball with 1:34 left, probably needing to drive 45 yards. Stanton's flushed on 2nd-and-2 and throws it away at 1:08. Swing pass to Brown is good and out to the Lion 40. Atlanta encroachment puts Detroit at the 45. They may only need another 20 yards. First-down pass to D.J. Boldin at the ATL 47. Stanton spikes at 0:46. Pass is high and behind a receiver no one on earth cares to identify for me to make it 3rd-and-10. Stanton gets an acre of room up the middle again and scrambles down to the 29. That's FG range for Hanson. The Lions let the clock run down to :03, spike and send in the FG team.
Hanson hits it just inside the left upright from 47 yards out to give the Lions, yes, the Detroit Lions with Scott Linehan as offensive coordinator, at 27-26 win.
Final score: Detroit 27, Atlanta 26.
MVP: The Lions deserved to win; they had all the players who stood out to me. The MVP for my 2 cents is TCU rookie Aaron Brown, who was the most dynamic player on the field tonight, with a lot of nifty cutback runs, 2 explosive long TDs, a nifty (tho apparently illegal) end zone celebration, and 98 total yards on just 8 touches (12.25 yard average). Keep your eye out for this guy.
What did we learn: Matthew Stafford looked pretty good for Detroit. Don't rule out him starting rather quickly. Stu Schweigert made a bunch of defensive plays for the Lions, as did Anthony Henry, of all people. And yes, Scott Linehan is finding the tight end in his new offense. If the Lions are a pushover again this year, they at least shouldn't be a pathetic pushover. Michael Turner looks ready to go for Atlanta, which also got a bunch of good plays against the run and pass from San Jose State third-round rookie DB Chris Owens. The Falcons way on defense is to blitz you silly, so teams better be ready for that. That includes the Rams next week.
Up next: Already underway, the first Chicago Bears action for Orlando Pace and Pisa Tinoisamoa in Buffalo.
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