Game 26: Texans 33, Big Dead 20

Pregame video package assures us the Big Dead are good now because they have a new stadium.
Well, it's a year old. How long does Bidwill expect to live off of the newness of the stadium
anyway?

Houston completes a couple of early passes with no rush, then get set back by a holding penalty
and a false start. Dead are gang tackling well, keep a couple of short passes under control and
force a punt. Basically a 4-and-out.

Definitely not playing their cards close to the vest, Arizona's first home play of the Whisenhunt
era is an Anquan Boldin option pass off a reverse. Fitzgerald beats C.C. Brown badly to draw a 55-yard DPI. Perhaps unable to stand even that amount of prosperity, the Dead false-start (Levi Brown), throw a no-gain pass in the flat to the fullback, draw to Edge for 8, hit Boldin for only 7.5 thanks to good help from Jason Simmons to a beaten Dunta Robinson, James plunge on 4th down comes up short. Classic. Cardinal. Football. Good tackle by LB Danny Clark.

Texans face an early 3rd-and-11, but Owen Daniels survives a major shot from Adrian Wilson for a
22-yard catch from Matt Schaub. Obvious DPI by Rod Hood on Andre Johnson is actually called, good for 18 more. About a 10-yard reverse to Jacoby Jones for a 1st down at the AZ 22. Great diving deflection by Hood saves a TD, but Schaub, getting plenty of time all drive, next hits Daniels at the 5. Dead were fooled badly on that Jones reverse earlier; now on 1st and goal, Houston fools them just as badly with a Schaub naked bootleg for the TD and a 7-0 lead. AZ defense wasn't even playing high-school quality D that drive.

Leinart takes over at the 20. 3rd and 3, hits Bryant Johnson on a short cross for the 1st. Another 3rd and 3, Leinart scrambles for the 1st. End of 1st quarter, 7-0, Houston.

Houston can't handle Fitzgerald at all; he beats Brown and outjumps Demarcus Faggins for a 41-yard jump ball bomb from Leinart down around the Texans 10. Leinart finishes the drive with a great play. He has Mario Williams bearing down on him. Looking downfield for an alley to scramble into, he spots James at the goal line and quickly releases a pass to him for a tying TD. That's not a 2nd-year QB play right there. 7-7. Fine drive, too, 10 plays, 80 yards, 5 minutes.

Houston from their 20 now. Big Dead blow coverage with a blitz on and leave Ken Walter ALL ALONE
for 38. Texans already have 148 total yards. 20+ DPI on Antrell Rolle vs. Andre Johnson looked like good D to me, plus the ball wasn't catchable. 1st-and-goal from the 7, Cards stuff a run. 2nd-and-goal, they cover everyone and force a throwaway. Schaub has to chuck it away again on 3rd. Houston settles for a Kris Brown chippie and a 10-7 lead.

Cards hold on kickoff return. Kurt Warner starts from the 13. Leinart was 7-7-70 and a TD. After Kurt hits Ahmad Merritt for a 1st down, he FUMBLES the snap, still gets the screen pass off, but for no gain. Except for the James draw play, the Dead can't run anywhere at all. Warner finds Merritt vs. a blitz again near midfield to keep the chains moving. After a couple of runs go nowhere, Warner's next pass is tipped by ND Kalu dropping back on a zone blitz. Cards have to punt.

Which brings us to Scott Player. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE STUPID HULK HOGAN MOUSTACHE. THAT IS THE MOST RETARDED LOOKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. HE'S BALD, HE'S GOT ONE OF THOSE RETARDED 1968 HELMETS WITH ONLY A CHIN BAR, SO JUST TO MAKE IT LOOK REAL GOOD, HE GOES FOR THE HULKSTER STACHE?????????????

Sage Rosenfels now the Houston QB. From the 10, he rolls right and hits Jacoby Jones upfield for
17. Handoffs to Ron Dayne and a couple more completions to Jones get Houston to the AZ 25 at
the 2:00 warning.

Luxury box footage of Mrs. Bidwill reading a magazine instead of watching the game. Billy V.
isn't even in the shot.

Rosenfels beats a blitz, hits Jeb Putzier on an underneath route for 15 down to the 10. But Eric Green has Jones blanketed on 3rd down for a Schaub end zone pass that basically looks like a throwaway. Texans having all kinds of red zone problems but have a 13-7 lead. 14 plays, 82 yards, 5 minutes, 3 points.

0:56 in half. Warner takes over at 20. He's 5-for-5 for 60 yards and gets them down to the 20
with :10 left. Classic Warner. Neil Rackers hits from 37 to make it 13-10. Hate to say it but Levi Brown is having a pretty solid night at RT. Squib kick runs out the half, Houston leads 13-10.

Despite all the terrible defense, neither head coach is happy with his -offense- during halftime interviews, because they're not getting into the end zone enough.

Shane Boyd replaces Warner. TE Ben Patrick makes a stupendous one-handed grab of a high hard one for 26. Merritt's season ends with a broken ankle a couple of plays later. Got rolled up on and snapped. Swing pass to FB Tim Castille gets 22 down to the 3. Nobody on Houston's D picked him up. Maybe it's because the AZ TE false started an no call was made. A JJ Arrington TD splash is called back for a hold. Boyd and Arrington blow the next exchange badly. Boyd scrambles about 10 down to the 4, then his 3rd-goal fade pass is horrendous. Cards settle for tying the game at 13.

Rosenfels takes over at the 25. Hits Putzier for about 19 on 3rd-and-4. 3 plays later, impressive
bomb to Charlie Adams, who beats Darrell Hunter and Aaron Francisco for a long TD. Terrible coverage, beauty of a throw. 20-13 Houston.

Steve Breaston is proving a potent returner for AZ. He returns this one out across the 35 from
5 or 6 yards deep in the end zone. A couple of plays into the drive, a terrible throw by Boyd
way over Breaston's head - it was like a 5-yard route but Boyd threw it 10 - is picked off
by Jamar Fletcher.

Houston takes over at the AZ 30. Rosenfels gets a screen off to Samkon Gado for 10 at absolutely the last second. The way all the Green Bay reject RBs are ending up in Houston, Noah Herron ought to be checking out houses in The Woodlands in the offseason. Texans follow that up with an incomplete pass, a fumble that should have been called an incomplete pass, and a we-surrender handoff to Gado. Texans hit the FG they settled for and extend their lead to 23-13.

Cardinals commit the first 123-kick of the night. Boyd is hassled into a throwaway on 2nd down,
and Breaston wishes he would have done it again on 3rd down, but instead he gets Breaston whacked on 3rd down trying to force one to him.

Perhaps hoping to challenge the Rams for worst special teams in the division, the Big Dead give
Jacoby Jones an 80-yard TD on a punt return. He gets several good blocks up the sidelines and
cuts back up across the field for a much-too-easy score. Texans take a 30-13 lead.

Boyd actually manages a completion near midfield as the third quarter expires. Even so, he's showing
very little in the way of touch or accuracy. He's mainly making sure to throw everything hard.
Perhaps giving up on having him throw, Whisenhunt dials up a QB draw for him, and he tears off
left tackle for a gain of 35, inside the Houston 10. Sean Morey then beats his man clean on a
crossing pattern and Boyd hits him nicely for the TD. 30-20 Houston.

Hey, Boise State hero Jared Zabransky is taking over at QB for Houston. Fittingly, they run an
end-around on 3rd and 1 and Bethel Johnson makes a nice gain. What, no Statue of Liberty? Z drives them inside the AZ 30 after several completions. Ross Kolodziej stuffs Gado on 2nd-4, and Z's end zone throw for Jerome Mathis is wide, necessitating another FG. Brown hits from 40 to
make it 33-20.

Continuing to show little savvy, Boyd gets sacked by Johnson on 3rd-and-7 to bring the next drive
to an end. He just kind of froze in the pocket there.

Houston's just in burn-out-the-clock mode, almost exclusively handing off to Wali Lundy.

AZ finishes it out behind the 4th string QB - Toby Korrodi. Not sure what puts Boyd ahead of
this kid - they're the same guy. Run around and throw hard. Houston defends a couple of Hail
Marys and this one's in the book, 33-20.

Arizona was so poor in most aspects of this game, Houston didn't get a lot to hang their ten-gallon hats on. Matt Schaub looks capable. The offensive line did well, and there aren't too many Texans games you've ever been able to say that about. Jacoby Jones stepped up bigtime as the punt returner and should be their #2 WR when they break camp. The offense continues to struggle in the red zone, though. Defense still needs work, especially the secondary.

The Big Dead got fine quarterbacking from Leinart and Warner - a combined 14-16-159. Larry Fitzgerald looked unstoppable. They'll go with 2 QBs on the active roster; Shane Boyd is terrible. Levi Brown looked decent. But this team has a whole lot of problems. They still can't establish the run. Their special teams coverage may be worse than the Rams'. They couldn't even get a good pass rush against HOUSTON's offensive line, you know, the one that got David Carr sacked a billion times in 5 years? The secondary was porous and error-prone, and the whole defense was easy to sucker with misdirection plays. Gonna be a lot of high-scoring games in the desert this year.

26 down, 39 to go. Up next: Giants-Ravens.