Game 10: Big Dead 31, Raiders 27

Well, let's jump into week 2's Big Dead-Raiders matchup. Not to sound reluctant or unenthusiastic, but we don't just have the awful Big Dead QB battle here, the Raiders are coming off a game I'm frankly afraid to watch, ever, a 3-0 loss in Dallas last week. Seriously, how did any fans come out of that game alive?

FIRST QUARTER

Raider offense doesn't step up a bit from the Dallas borefest. Adrian Wilson shuts down a rollout screen to the tight end and a sideline comeback to Darrius Heyward-Bey. Reggie Walker blitzes the inevitable and stupid third-and-long preseason draw to Darren McFadden. The Raiders then IDIOTICALLY punt directly to Patrick Peterson, who returns 45 yards to the OAK40. Good thing the Rams didn't hire Dennis Allen for head coach; we've already gone through one head coach dumb enough to punt to Peterson.

Kevin Kolb gets the start for Arizona, along with Ryan Williams, who is blown up in the backfield on first down behind no blocking. Kolb responds with a couple of short out routes to Early Doucet, getting down to the 25, and Williams works around left end and off a strong block by Larry Fitzgerald to get Arizona down to the 5. He busts his way in over LG to put the Cards on top. Arizona 7-0

Oakland drives 80-plus yards and settles for a FG when they can't punch it in from the one in three tries. Carson Palmer beats a couple of blitzes and beats a zone blitz to hit DHB near midfield. McFadden gets a nice gain past a, guess what, overpursuing Sam Acho and a big block by his fullback. Darnell Dockett and Calais Campbell don't do much, neither does Dan Williams, who's mostly getting the blocking sled treatment from rookie guard Alex Parsons. Doesn't look like a project to me. Williams makes one of the plays on McFadden inside the 1, though, and Clark Haggans doesn't buy a fake screen on 3^rd-and-goal and pressures Palmer into throwing one out the back of the end zone. Why not go for it in preseason, Oakland? Ehhh. Arizona 7-3

After a penalty, Arizona starts from their 5 after the kickoff, and march backwards into a safety. Kolb is called for grounding at the 1. Ryan Williams picked up a blitz OK, but guess who, Adam Snyder, got beat to force Kolb into a premature chuckaway. Next play, Tommy Kelly splits Snyder and Jeremy Bridges and buries Kolb in the end zone. Arizona 7-5 Attack Snyder, attack Snyder, attack Snyder.

After the free kick, Palmer and McFadden burn a Stewart Bradley blitz for 17 to get into FG range. Would have been better had Palmer thrown a better ball and McFadden worked harder to get his feet in on 3rd down. They burned a zone blitz and McFadden was open by at least 5 yards with Acho covering, but Palmer's throw was too far and McFadden's footwork too complacent. Raiders 8, Big Dead 7

SECOND QUARTER

O-line isn't the problem as the Big Dead 3-and-out to start the quarter: Kolb holds the ball forever and lets a dog blitz get there for another sack. Brilliantly, the play didn't give him a dumpoff option. D'Anthony Baptiste beaten at right tackle, too.

Palmer responds with a terrible overthrow that Kerry Rhodes picks off at his own 30 and returns all the way down inside the Oakland 5. In Palmer's defense, he could have been expecting his tight end to continue his route downfield, but major scoring opportunity now for Arizona.

Or maybe not. On 2nd-and-goal, Darryn Colledge drags a Raider DT AND Baptiste to the ground, letting Lamarr Houston in free on Kolb, who fires a completion to... Snyder. Not a whole lot legal happening on that play. Levi Brown gets held with no call on 3rd down and can't pick up a stunt that forces another blank from Kolb. Jay Feely puts Arizona back on top. Big Dead 10-8

Mike Goodson takes two handoffs to fumble the ball back to Arizona, forced by a nice play by Darryl Washington. That brings John Skelton into the game to huge cheers from the home crowd. He immediately guns to Todd Heap for 12 to the OAK13. He hits Rob Housler inside the 5. Either his receivers are working harder for him, his line is working harder for him, or he's just less bothered by pressure compared to Kolb. Bad news for Arizona, though, this is the drive where LT Levi Brown is injured. Their offensive line is bad enough without losing starters. Doesn't bother Skelton just yet, though, as he beats a blitz and hits fullback Anthony Sherman in the flat for a 3-yard TD. Big Dead 17-8

Energized Cardinals backups 3-and-out the Oakland starters (minus McFadden) with a Rashad Johnson blitz forcing a Palmer throwaway on 3rd-and-2. RamView NDAK class member Justin Bethel then blocks the punt, recovers the ball and takes it in 20 yards for a TD. The man who should have blocked him just drifted off and let him run right by. Inexplicable; was he expecting a fake? Not that Arizona cares. Big Dead 24-8

The Raiders, along with millions of fantasy teams, look screwed if they lose McFadden. In Oakland's case, Goodson has been pretty much a mess, tripping over his feet on one run, then fumbling the ball on a dumpoff. Great strip tackle by Mike Brisiel on Clark Haggans, though, keeps the ball in Oakland's possession. Reggie Walker, who forced the original fumble, has been a defensive standout for Arizona. The drive stays alive on a questionable roughness call on Jamell Fleming for a clean-enough looking hit on DHB. Palmer adds a scramble to the ARZ30 at the 2:00 warning. The Arizona second-string D has done a better job pressuring Palmer than the starters. Ancient Vonnie Holliday and Quan Sturdivant smear Palmer on one incompletion. Arizona color man Ron Wolfley, spewing nonsense as he's wont to do, says Sturdivant plays "like he has sawdust in his boots." He has poor traction? He has dry, sweet-smelling feet? WHAT? While I'm trying to figure that out, Lonyae Miller bangs down to the 2 on several red zone carries, but the Raiders again can't punch it in, and AGAIN gutlessly take the FG inside the 5 in preseason. Dennis Allen is like Steve Spagnuolo on steroids with the non-risk-taking. He even turns down the penalty when Bethel, pretty dumbly, is offsides on the FG attempt. You'd have been inside the 1! Puss. Big Dead 24-11

THIRD QUARTER

Both teams should be done with starters now, and the Raiders are about to roll out Fratboy Leinart, so forgive me for not paying intent attention. In fact, I'm already writing the postgame show.

Huge hole, and huge opening kickoff return, for William Powell, and that hole was so big that, yes, Myrna Loy could have returned the kick out to the 45. Ryan Lindley's first move after that is to wing a pass right at Chimdi Chekwa for a pick.

Do stadiums normally announce when the visiting team changes QBs? They do here in Arizona, seemingly to get heat for Fratboy Leinart. The Raiders tiki-taka their way to midfield; somehow tiki-taka is more interesting when Barcelona does it. Arizona has 12 men on the field on 3rd-and-3 to keep the drive alive at midfield. Leinart responds with a back-shoulder throw to Juron Criner at the 15. 25-yard gain. From there, the referees gift Oakland a DPI inside the 5, and Miller punches it in from there. Bethel comes through again for Arizona by blocking the PAT. Big Dead 24-17

Raiders blow tackles left and right before forcing Arizona to punt from their own 40.

Leinart beats a blitz with a 20-yard out to Brandon Carswell and hits Trey Session at midfield. Owen Schmitt doing a nice job of blitz pickup this drive. Terrible late hit by Ricky Lumpkin moves them down to the ARZ30. That should be a significant fine for Lumpkin. Took a run and launched into him, all well after the ball was gone. Terrelle Pryor replaces Leinart, and that's where the drive falls apart for Oakland. False start, then a sack by an untouched Quentin Groves, who Pryor never accounted for. Give-up handoff and a punt.

Lindley's bad throw behind Housler prevents a big, big gain on 1st down. That's especially regrettable after Carl Ihenacho absolutely whips D.J. Young, who was the first tackle off the bench after Brown got hurt, and tomahawks the ball out of Lindley's hand on the 3rd down sack. The ball's recovered and taken into the end zone by... The Undertaker! Hall Davis. Oakland 24, Arizona 24

FOURTH QUARTER

After Powell keeps the drive alive a couple of times with strong 10-yard runs, Lindley throws a long laser to Demarco Sampson, leaping over two Raiders at the 10. From there, Powell breaks a tackle behind the line and bounces outside left for a TD stroll. Young bounced back with some good run-blocking that drive. Big Dead 31-24

Raiders 3-and-out after Pryor has to scramble on 3rd-and-2 but comes up short. 

Thomas Clayton starts the next drive off well with a 12-yard run around right end, but ends it poorly with a fumble recovered by... Mason Brodine. Brodine sets the Raiders up at the ARI40 on his way to better things.

Pryor gets away with a poor bomb that should have been intercepted in the end zone. The Raiders do not get away with a false start, though, and a dumpoff to Miller leaves them five short. Eddy Carmona drills a 53-yard FG with Zuerlein-like ease. Big Dead 31-27

On 3rd-and-6, Lindley drops a perfect 32-yard pass into Stephen Williams' breadbasket, over the DB's shoulder, on a go route. Javarris James grinds the clock down to the 2:00 warning, then two Oakland timeouts, then he gets around left end on third-and-long for about 15 down to the OAK11 to stick a fork in this one. Inexcusably weak play by Oakland on third down there.

If Arizona's announcers are any indication, the rest of the NFC West is afraid of Sam Bradford returning to form this year as we in Rams Nation are all afraid he won't. 

Final score: Big Dead 31, Raiders 27.

Postgame show

What have we learned: No surprise here that Arizona ultimately picks Skelton as their starting QB. Better arm, better composure under pressure. Ryan Williams looks good to start for them at RB as far as I'm concerned. The offensive line, though, is still a shambles, and if Brown's injury forces Bobby Massie into a starting role, we're looking at joke material. Arizona's LB play has really picked up since the beginning of preseason, I'm sure in no small part because the Cardinals actually did some blitzing this game. Improves the aggressiveness of the whole team. It's definitely a different team when they blitz. I'm still goofy enough to believe the Rams can beat them this year, though. For Oakland, Miller probably takes away Goodson's backup job. Palmer had trouble finding open receivers, but they barely utilized the TE and backs, and many of their fastest guys weren't on the field. He won't be throwing to Rod Streater quite so many times in the regular season. I'm going to guess the o-line got a little tired in the 2nd quarter, because they looked good in the 1st. I'd have to see a little more, but they had to be troubled with the lack of productivity from their starting offense at this point.

Player of the game: gotta go with my boy Justin Bethel out of Presbyterian, whose two kick blocks were responsible for a swing of 8 points.

Up next: well, the regular season. Sorry I suck so much at this that I can barely get any games in anymore. Maybe next year!

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