Hall of Fame Game: Saints 17, Big Dead 10

The 2012 preseason, and the 2012 Preseason Challenge, are underway! Are you ready for some football? Am I? Is what's left of the New Orleans Saints? And what are the Big Dead doing in this game anyway? There were no Cardinals inducted in the Hall of Fame yesterday! There was a Saint, a Seahawk, two Steelers, a Viking, and a Jet... never mind, I'm already sicker of the Jets than I have ever been of a football team (thanks, ESPN!), I want to see as little of those chuckleheads as possible. Let's go to the Big Dead and the Saints then!

FIRST QUARTER

Arizona blitzes Drew Brees on the first two plays of preseason 2012, but Brees and Pierre Thomas burn the second one with a screen pass for 20 yards, and the Saints are across midfield in 3 plays. Thomas then runs through Sam Acho for a big gain, and Ben Grubbs crushes a LB to get Darren Sproles the edge for another one. From the Arizona 25, Brees hits who-dat WR Joseph Morgan inside the 15, before calling a mystery timeout. Mark Ingram cuts back against heavy overpursuit and sprints inside the 2, and the Saints are in from there in two tries. About 76 yards and a TD in barely five minutes. Saints 7, Big Dead 0

Rams alumni update: LB Paris Lenon injured on the TD run. After a touchback, Will Smith has little trouble beating Rob Housler to stuff LaRod Stephens-Howling, but blows the tackle and LSH bounces away for 15. Kevin Kolb brilliantly capitalizes on that with a terrible out pass picked off by Malcolm Jenkins. Sedrick Ellis beat the crap out of RG Adam Snyder on the play, too. I don't think anybody was expecting John Skelton to win the starting job after a week of training camp, but...

Chase Daniel already geauxing at QB now for the Saints, from the AZ42. On 3rd-and-3, Arizona blitzes the Mike and Campbell beats the tenth Doctor, Matt Tennant, for a sack. 3-and-out. Should have used the sonic screwdriver on him.

Kolb starts the Big Dead from their 8 after the punt. Mike Mayock insists a pass well behind Andre Roberts on the sideline was a lot better than it looked. Saints have NINE in the box on 2nd down, and free agent Curtis Lofton stuffs LSH for a loss. No way Jeremy Bridges was ever going to get over there from RT in time. Think the Cardinals were going for a stupid bubble screen on 3rd-and-12, but the o-line gets swamped and Kolb has to scramble in the end zone just to be able to fire a blank out of bounds. Arizona gets away with a hold in the end zone to boot. Morgan then gets away with muffing the punt return before still returning the kick to midfield.

Yep, the Big Dead are off to a pretty classic start in 2012. But LB Brandon Williams and DT Ronald Talley bat down attempted screen passes for Arizona's second straight 3-and-out. The other DT, David Carter, was on top of Daniel quickly on 3rd down.

More great field position for Kolb, starting from his 12 this time. Ellis beats the crap out of Snyder for the 2nd time. Kolb barely avoids being dragged down in the end zone with a desperation pass to FB Anthony Sherman, who beats Scott Shanle for a short gain. But the big news is that Kolb stays down injured in the end zone. Yes, Kolb is more nervous in the pocket than an atheist fry cook at Chick-Fil-A, and his injury record makes Chris Chandler look like Brett Favre, but he got totally screwed over tonight by Snyder's terrible play at RG. If Snyder is still in Arizona's lineup in the regular season, that's two juicy matchups for young Michael Brockers right there. The Brockers I saw at scrimmage yesterday will eat Snyder alive.

So, the Big Dead breaks John Skelton out of its closet to continue the drive. He throws incomplete behind Todd Heap into tight double coverage for an incompletion on 3rd-and-2.

The 4th-down play is a classic preseason clusterpunt. Laron Scott completely misses catching the punt, which then proceeds to roll 25 yards down to the 1. Michael Adams prevents the touchback for Arizona with a diving effort, but Quentin Groves then grabs it unnecessarily and slides across the goal line with it. His butt's obviously on the goal line. The referees miss that but call holding on the Saints. Mayock and Brad Nessler miss it in the booth. So do Joe Vitt and the Saints, who don't challenge what should have been an obvious touchback. The poor NFL Network replay guy tries to get anyone at all to notice, but no dice. Goes down as a 79-yard punt for Dave Zastudil, though the ball should be on the Saints' 10-yard line instead of their 10-inch line.

Nice sideline pass from Daniel to Courtney Roby gets 14 and gets the Saints out of the hole. He play-actions and guns to Roby on the Arizona sideline for 15 more. Great blitz pickup by someone named Travaris Cadet springs Daniel for a scramble for another first down. But Daniel holds the ball forever with a blitz coming on 3rd-and-4, Stewart Bradley beating Cadet this time for the sack.

Skelton starts from the 10 as we find out that Kolb's out with a rib injury. Terrible overthrow on a flare route. Arizona finally gets moving though, thanks to a 8-yard LSH run and a 12-yarder over the middle to Larry Fitzgerald as the first quarter ends.

SECOND QUARTER

Another run stuff for Curtis Lofton, with Housler missing another block. Skelton recovers with an 11-yard comebacker to Andre Roberts. Snyder actually gets a good block to spring Alfonso Smith for 9. Darryn Colledge nullifies Shanle to spring Smith for another 20+. Skelton skips out of trouble and hits the Thin Man, William Powell, with a difficult throw for 5 and another 1st. Powell drives down inside the 9, and Smith gets them 1st-and-goal at the 4. Pitch left to Smith is good for a TD behind a very solid block by Housler, first one I've seen by him tonight. 7-7

Laron Scott fields the kickoff about eight yards deep, uses a sick spin move at the 20 to bust out to his 40, then uses another sick spin move to get across midfield to the Arizona 40. Daniel wants to go deep on 1st down, but gets flushed out of bounds. Nice stuff of Ivory by Clark Haggans. Dead leave Roby wide open inside the 20, though, and Daniel finds him. More speed from Carter to stuff Cadet for a big loss, but Daniel recovers from a terrible 3rd-down shotgun snap to hit Cadet for a 1st down at the 6. Bradley nicely breaks up a pass for TE Michael Higgins at the goal line to force a FG. Saints 10, Big Dead 7

Richard Bartel takes over for Arizona at the 20, just 4:41 left in the half. Quick post to first-round pick Michael Floyd gets 15, and a deep pass for Housler gets 27 more, thanks to a very slow LB and a confused safety. CHRIS CHAMBERLAIN then Myrna Loys Powell for a big loss. Bartel misses Housler breaking open deep to try to force a pass to Floyd, then gets sacked on 3rd-and-long. Tom Johnson got credit for it, but it happened because Bobbie Massey pretty much shoved Martez Wilson into Bartel. Play like that may explain why the Rams weren't really interested in drafting Massey.

Zastudil kills the punt inside the 6. Rams could have signed him, you know. Just sayin'. Saints don't look determined to do much with the 2:00 drill opportunity, so Arizona responds by using its timeouts on defense. So Ivory responds by popping a run across the 30. Saints use a timeout, then whip an Arizona blitz again with a dumpoff, gaining 24 for Cadet. Daniel drills Andy Tanner for 17 more, then hits him again for 21 down to the 5. 0:32 left, Cadet beats Reggie Walker with a double-back move for a 5-yard TD and a 10-point halftime lead. Saints 17, Big Dead 7.

THIRD QUARTER

Very sharp first half for Chase Daniel. Arizona had a couple of defensive players flash, but their passing offense looks a mess right now. Gonna be a tough season if their best player continues to be their punter.

Massey's blocking problems continue as Wilson beats him again and sacks Bartel to open the second half with a Big Dead 3-and-out. Saints return the punt to the AZ42 to compound Arizona's misery.

Daniel looks deep again but has to settle for a dumpoff to Ivory for 14. He finds Higgins, who beats Bradley to get the Saints inside the 10. Blake Gideon then checks into his room, though, for an end zone interception.

Housler continues to gash the Saints' zone and gains 17 over the middle. Floyd can't pull down a play-action pass, though, and Housler fails to field a 100-mph fastball from Bartel to force the punt.

Sean Canfield now captaining the New Orleans crewe inside their own ten. Daniel finishes 15-for-20 for just over 200 yards. Showed a very good arm tonight and moved the offense with excellent tempo. Unlike Canfield, who's three-and-outed pretty quickly. Bubble screen into a third-down big-blitz didn't work this time.

Arizona takes over at their 44 with rookie Ryan Lindley now behind center. Shows a powerful arm and hits LaRon Byrd on a slant for a first down right after Rams fans are treated to the 2011 Patrick Peterson highlight reel, made mostly possible by the Rams' special teams. Jaymar Johnson drops a slant at the 5, though, and forces a short Jay Feely FG. Saints 17, Big Dead 10.

Groves blows up a draw to Cadet, and a strong 4-man rush flushes Canfield to the sideline to fire a blank. Three-and-out again.

Lindley gets it back at his own 23, where Wilson puts a spell on LT Nate Potter and nearly gets his third sack. Lindley can't hit John Skelton's brother Steve down the seam as the teams are now trading 3-and-outs. Skelton would have gotten killed if the pass had been on the mark anyway.

FOURTH QUARTER

No Cardinal within 20 yards of Cadet on the punt return, which he brings back 25 to the Saint 45. Arizona's called for holding on the play, and the replacement ref announces it'll be a re-kick. Why the hell would Joe Vitt take the penalty there? Because the replacement ref doesn't know the rules initially. Saints now get 10 yards added to the return, which should put them across midfield. Wait a minute, what the hell is the ball doing on the Saint 30? We'll never know; Nessler and Mayock talk over the referee's third explanation of the play. Had to be a penalty on the Saints in that mess somewhere.

And now a ground ball snap by Brian Folkerts loses the Saints 12 more. Canfield tries to force a sideline pass to Morgan on 2nd-and-a-mile, where it's nearly picked off by a diving Larry Parker. 

This just in from Mars: the Curiosity rover has landed successfully.

This just in from Canton: yet another three-and-out for Canfield and the Saints.

Arizona at their 20, now their 19 after Martez Wilson blows up the backfield for the umpteenth time. Lindley, who has shown nice poise tonight, hits Skelton for 12 and a 1st down. Drop by Thomas Clayton. Clayton slips twice on a draw and gains 4. With under 12 minutes left, the frightening prospect of preseason overtime has reared its ugly head. Tulsa rookie Tyrunn Walker helps settle those fears by now by beating D'Anthony Batiste for a sack. Offensive line is clearly going to continue to be a problem for Arizona this year. They didn't even devote much of their draft to their worst problem area, and guys they did pick, like Massey and Potter, haven't looked like solutions tonight. Massey's been a pretty eye-popping disappointment for those of us who heard draft pundits suggest the Rams take him with one of their second-round picks. Learning to trust Les Snead more and more by the day here.

Second drop by Morgan briefly costs Canfield his first chance at a first down, but the two connect at the AZ38 to get the Saint offense moving for the first time in a quarter. A fond remembrance of awful Rams blocking TEs past sees Derek Schouman miss Groves, who puts a major hit on Cadet for a loss. Big Dead continue to get a solid 4-man rush, which forces a throwaway, a dumpoff and... a Jon Kasay FG attempt? This would be from 54 - can he even kick his age (42) any more?

We'll never know... Justin Bethel flashes around left end and gets a piece of the kick, which wobbles harmlessly to the goal line. Bethel, a member of RamView's Never-Draft-A-Kicker class, may have made the Arizona roster just based on his special teams play tonight; he has been rock-solid. However, Greg Zuerlein is on track to retire NDAK for a while.

A Clayton draw gets Arizona across midfield, and we have to sweat the idea of a tie game again. While Mayock treats us to awful karaoke of "Play That Funky Music" from out of nowhere, TE Martell Webb completely ignores former Illini LB Nate Bussey, who stops the third straight handoff to Clayton deep in the Arizona backfield to force a punt.

Canfield dodges a blitz only to have his pass dropped by the feckless Schouman, but now the game becomes the Joe Banyard Show, as the UTEP rookie drives up the middle for 7. Canfield beats a telegraphed blitz with a quick pass to Tanner for 16. Banyard back up the middle for 8. And for 7 more across midfield. Landon Cohen finally stuffs him for a loss after beating Aderious Simmons easily. Continuing to stand tall, Canfield fires over the middle on 2nd-and-14 and Tanner makes a terrific catch, reaching back and overhead. I'd argue he never really got the ball put away before getting trainwrecked by Eddie Elder and losing the ball, but the refs call it a fumble recovered by Arizona. Definitely a bang-bang play, emphasis on BANG.

Lindley takes over at his 26 with 4:22 left and hits Byrd for 16. NO TIES, WHISENHUNT! You score a TD, you're going for two. Lindley and Byrd connect for 10 more to the Saint 45. Walker blows up Senio Kelemete and - Russ Hochstein??? - but stupidly throws Lindley to the ground to offset the grounding penalty he drew with a roughing-the-QB penalty. Leaping 14-yard catch by Byrd, who beats Cord Parks. A Cord Parks update! Saints picking the wrong time to play soft zone here. What does prevent defense prevent? It sure doesn't prevent Lindley from hitting Skelton inside the 10 at the 2:00 warning.

Guys, I can't afford a tie - it's already 2:20 a.m. as I'm recapping this. First and goal, plenty of time for Lindley, but his pass goes through Byrd's hands inside the 5. Saints get good pressure on 2nd-and-goal, and Lindley overthrows Tre Gray inside the 5. Third and goal, and it's over, as UConn rookie LB Lawrence Wilson jumps a slant route to Gray at the goal line, picks off the pass and returns the INT to midfield. 

An actual QB change by the Saints here, to Luke McCown. Quick 3-and-out, with Arizona burning the last of their timeouts, gets Lindley the ball back one last time.

Saints coaches have got to love Elbert Mack for getting hurt and stopping the clock after an ill-advised dumpoff by Lindley with 0:15 left. That lets Arizona set up the Big Ben look, but they just dump off to Powell in the cleared-out space, and he can only make the 45 as time expires.

Final score: Saints 17, Big Dead 10.

Very quick postgame show:

What have we learned: Arizona's defense and special teams looked effective. Teams are definitely going to have to account for Calais Campbell. Their blitz looks effective, though not unbeatable. They did some good power-running on offense, and with their top 2 RBs, Beanie Wells and Ryan Williams, out. Their pass protection continues to be poor, though, and they're seriously messed-up at QB again, where Kolb is hurt again and Skelton wasn't great tonight. This is a team the Rams ought to be able to beat. Simple as that. Meanwhile, even the multitude of offseason issues swirling around the Saints can't slow down their offensive machine. Daniel looks like a competent fill-in for Brees if they ever need him.

Player of the game: In fact, I'll give Daniel the first POTG of the Preseason Challenge. Led them to a TD and was intercepted in the end zone the other time. 200 yards passing and a rating over 100 despite the pick. 

Up next: Possibly the Packers-Chargers game on ESPN Thursday night, though there's a good chance the next game I do will actually be Rams-Colts on Sunday.

-$-

Photo: ESPN