I'm going for a live doubleheader on NFL Network tonight, and if all goes well, a QUINTUPLE header starting at 9am tomorrow. Tonight starts with Pittsburgh at Washington, where the Steelers will regret not having a) Ben Roethlisberger, out with a foot injury, and b) rain gear, because they're playing in a monsoon at FedEx Field.
Kelli Johnson's still smokin, though, even if she does look and sound a little silly on the sideline under that little girl umbrella. Lindsay Czarniak, though, is toughing it out on the other sideline in rain gear and a hoodie, and she's rockin' it. I know who I'd invite back to the sports bar after the game.
The Steelers kick off in weather so cloudy/rainy that it looks almost like the legendary Fog Bowl from about 20 years ago. Rock Cartwright returns out to the 35. Jason Campbell and Clinton Portis in the backfield. Campbell goes deep for Malcolm Kelly - a bomb in these conditions? - a little short and nearly picked by Troy Polamalu. Portis and Campbell have their timing off on a screen pass, so Jason throws it into the ground. 3rd-10. High pass tipped by Santana Moss ends a lackluster game-opening 3-and-out.
I SAW THE FAKE PUNT COMING, when the Redskins cameraman did not. Cartwright the up man takes the snap and sweeps right out to the 50. A Steeler penalty makes it the 45. Portis up the middle for 2 and a couple more on 2nd down. With the Steeler defense in a constantly shifting formation, Campbell hits Antwaan Randle-El for 7 and a first, but an illegal formation takes that back. Then Campbell steps up and hits Chris Cooley for 11. And a first. Ball at the Steeler 35. Portis bounces off a jam in the backfield and pinballs forward for 2. Portis makes a beautiful blitz pickup and saves Campbell, who makes a 6-yard run. Draw to Ladell Betts opens up on the left side and gains 5. First down. Portis knifes up the middle on another draw for 11. Super block by Derrick Dockery. Portis sweeps right down to the 3; 2nd and a long 1. Betts pounds down inside the 1. First and goal. NO. Betts got a lousy spot short of the 1. 3rd down. Now Keyaron Fox and James Farrior stuff Betts running off left tackle for a loss. Timeout. 4th and 2 from the 3. Taking a page from the Spagnuolo preseason playbook, the Redskins SETTLE FOR THE FIELD GOAL. It is their first points of the preseason, after all. Shane Suisham good for the PAT-length 3-pointer.
Washington 3, Pittsburgh 0.
The rain appears to have completely quit; what happened to the monsoon? The good news is, the clearing weather lets the Redskins cheerleaders work in their skimpy uniforms.
Charlie Batch and Fast Willie Parker open in the backfield for Pittsburgh from their 29. Andre Carter gets held by Max Starks and still swats down Batch's first pass attempt. Steelers step back 10. Brian Orakpo blows up a screen on 1st-and-20. Batch gets forever to throw thanks to brutal holding (NOT CALLED) by his line and has to settle for a 2-yard dump to Parker, who gets clocked by DeAngelo Hall. 3rd-and-18 pass to Heath Miller in the flat is poor, high and incomplete, but the refs call Hall for a late hit. So make it first and 10 at the 36. Hall's hit was definitely late, though not flagrant. False start on Pittsburgh now, and this game has been a real cluster so far. Heartbreak Hill has arrived TWO QUARTERS early. After a run fails, Orakpo flushes Batch left, and the QB fires for a diving Hines Ward. The ball bounces to Santonio Holmes while Ward's trying to make the catch, and the more recent of the two Super Bowl MVPs takes off with it for another 20 yards inside the Redskin 20. Jim Zorn challenges the call. We don't get a replay really good enough to say either way.
After the commercial, we DO get a good replay, that shows the ball CLEARLY hitting the ground. That was actually such an EASY call, I assume none of the referees actually saw it. Wonderful.
I don't know the name of tonight's referee, but it's not Terry McAulay, as identified onscreen and by Mike Patrick on the broadcast. How am I so sure? Terry McAulay is Caucasian. Tonight's referee is African-American.
Nice game prep, Patrick.
The Redskins start in a hole after a Laron Landry penalty on the punt return. Campbell goes deep for Moss from the 11, but he's well-covered and the throw is pretty poor. James Harrison stuffs Betts on 2nd down, and of course, they're trying a stupid damn screen pass on 3rd down, and the Steelers blow that up.
Stefan Logan dodges a tackle and returns the punt 10 yards to midfield. Parker bounces a run outside for 7. On 2nd down, the Skins throw a 5-lineman look at the Steelers and get huge pressure from Carter and Orakpo on Batch, who's drilled by Cornelius Griffin as he tosses the ball down the middle, where there's no receiver around. And Batch wasn't out of the pocket, so he's slapped with a grounding penalty. Joe Theismann gallantly defends the opposing QB, but that's grounding by definition, isn't it? 2nd-13 from the Steeler 47. They pick up the blitz and Batch hits Holmes over the middle for 16. Why blitz on 2nd and long? Batch fires deep for Mike Wallace, incomplete when Carlos Rogers slips and tangles feet with him. Slant for Ward incomplete. This game is going to take four hours at its current rate. Ward's getting time now and hits Ward over the middle for 24. Quick pass to Heath Miller in the flat is good for 10 more down to the 3. Still throwing, Batch looks for Miller but ORAKPO has coverage. Fast Willie sweeps right for an easy TD. LIMAS SWEED NAILED 85-pounds-heavier Philip Daniels for the play's biggest block at the outset of the play. Fullback Cary Davis drove Hall eight yards deep into the endzone.
Pittsburgh 7, Washington 3.
Despite Pittsburgh's TD, Orakpo had a fantastic possession, pressuring Batch effectively from left end and right end, and adding a pass defensed. Hmm, I do believe someone associated with this blog called him the best player in the draft this past April.
Cartwright tries to let the kickoff bounce out of bounds, but it strikes the pylon for a touchback. Patrick calls this play completely wrong, saying it bounced out at the 1 (wrong) and that it would be a touchback (not if it bounced out at the 1). Cartwright gets two handoffs for 7 as the first quarter finally ends.
End of first quarter: Pittsburgh 7, Washington 3.
Campbell went 1-for-6 in the first quarter. And he's 1-for-7 after a bad throw behind TE Fred Davis. The Darren Sprolesesque Logan makes a nifty cut and brings the punt back up the middle for 22, to the 45, but a hold takes it back to the 30. Logan's easily the best returner I've seen this preseason. Where was he last week against Arizona?
Rashard Mendenhall joins Batch in the backfield. Throwing AGAIN, Batch nearly gets sacked by Orakpo but twists away and pitches a low fastball Mendenhall's way for an incompletion. Great pressure by Kendric Golston as well. A hold on Wallace moves Pittsburgh backward. He atones somewhat with a sliding catch at the 32. 3rd-and-9, Batch rushes a throw to Sweed on the sideline. Terrific throw, and Sweed DROPS IT. Yep, he would've been my 2nd round pick for the Rams in 2008. A hit out of bounds on the punt return will force the Redskins into another hole.
We return to youtube footage of Redskin WR Keith Eloi first jumping from the ground into the bed of a pickup truck (tailgate closed), then from out of the shallow end of a swimming pool backwards onto the deck. Well, you need those kind of skills to get away from the Morlocks.
Todd Collins is the new QB for Washington. Nick Eason stuffs a run for no gain at the 8. Marcus Mason breaks free off left tackle the next play for 14, though. Marko Mitchell breaks a couple of tackles for a 10-yard catch. Devin Thomas corrals a throw well behind him for 7. Mason sweeps left for maybe 2. Fullback Mike Sellers is on the ground in evident pain. He would be a significant loss; he's one of Washington's best goal line players. 3rd-2, Collins throws over the middle to Mason but William Gay cuts him down superbly for no gain. Another good return by Logan, 13 out to the 28.
Never mind; block in the back sends it back to the 9. Also, Sellers got off the field under his own power. Dennis Dixon's in at QB for the Steelers, not that Patrick told us. End around left to Wallace with a fake end around right gets 3. A much more simple play, a bam up the middle for Mendenhall, gains 8. There's a lesson in there somewhere. Nice cutback off right tackle by Mendenhall gains 9 more. They grind out the first down, then a screen to Matt Spaeth loses 2. 2nd-12. Sean McDonald's open over the middle at the 36 to make it 3rd-6. Dixon has to dive on a TERRIBLE shotgun snap and take a sack on third down. The sack was by Orakpo, who is already the lead candidate now for NFL rookie defensive player of the year. Dominique Dorsey returns the punt 10+ yards to the 36.
Keiwan Ratliff trips up Cartwright in the backfield for no gain. Collins throws the 2nd down pass away. The Steelers blitz two DBs over right tackle and force a screen to Kelly that gains nothing. Yet another nice punt return by Logan, who the Rams have to pounce on in the unlikely event he becomes available. He's small, shifty, hard to tackle, makes nice cuts and gets upfield quickly.
Orakpo drops Mendenhall for a loss, from OLB position this time. Dixon hits McDonald for about 7; 3rd-and-4. 3rd-and-9 after Tony Hills leaves LT early. Sliding catch again by Wallace at midfield in between 3 Skins. I had no idea that pass was going to be completed.
The Redskin broadcast goes to commercial with a clip of Orakpo rushing against Hills and lifting the 304-pounder off both feet with his initial punch. It's official: Brian Orakpo is awesome. Rams should have drafted him. I thought about it but opted for Aaron Curry. 2:00 warning, by the way.
After a no-gainer to McDonald and a WTF incompletion, Dixon gets flushed right but throws to a sliding Sweed at the 32 for an apparent catch. The replay official wants another look, but from everything I see, it's a catch all the way.
And so it was: Steelers at the Washington 32. Dixon scrambles, just barely eludes Rob Jackson and sprints down to the 14. Pittsburgh uses their second timeout, I believe. 1:11 left in the half. Sweed pays for a sliding catch at the 9 with a hard hit from Justin Tryon. Forget it, Hills lined up illegally. Pittsburgh's NINTH penalty of the half. Who do they think they are, the Raiders? Dixon can't hit Sweed on the sideline under pressure. 2nd-15 from the 19. Dixon gets all night and then dumps it out of Mendenhall's reach incomplete. Now we get a delay of game, Pittsburgh's TENTH penalty of the half. 3rd-and-20.
VIVA PRESEASON!
We-surrender draw gets all the way down to the 16, though, putting Pittsburgh in nice FG range. Washington calls timeout to a) preserve the 48 seconds on the clock, and b) to drive me nuts by making sure this game takes FIVE HOURS to play. Jeff Reed hits from 34; Washington will have about 40 seconds to do something when they get the ball back.
Pittsburgh 10, Washington 3.
Eloi gets DRILLED by Donovan Woods at the 18 on the kick return (incorrectly identified by Patrick as Lawrence Timmons). Jump over THAT. D.J. Hackett can't keep his feet in bounds on a good Collins throw on first down. Collins hits Kelly out to the 39, and spikes the clock. Malcolm Kelly's pretty far in front of Devin Thomas from what I've seen tonight. Just 0:14 left, though. Poor throw by Collins is well short of Thomas and jumped by Ratliff and returned to the 35. Rush kept Collins from stepping into the throw.
Reed tries from 53 to end the half and misses slightly to the left. Aagh, the Redskins were offsides, and the fairly vocal Steeler contingent present at FedEx cheers that Reed gets to try again. This time he's wide right from 48.
VIVA FREAKING PRESEASON!
Halftime score: Pittsburgh 10, Washington 3.
Even with hoodie hair, Lindsay Czarniak minus the rain gear takes a big leap into the lead for the coveted Preseason Challenge Sideline Hottie Award.
Steelers start the second half at their 26. I love the morons who got onto every Rams board to criticize the sparse crowd at last night's Rams game. Have a look at Washington's crowd tonight, wise guys. And it quit raining there before the game started. Justin Vincent now at tailback for Pittsburgh; Dixon remains at QB. Jeremy Jarmon shuts down a 3rd-and-2 run to force a punt.
Dorsey bobbles the punt but then scrambles crossfield around left end to gain 14. Redskins start at their 41 with Mizzou alum Chase Daniel behind center. My first look at Daniel as a pro. Poor pass behind the receiver on a quick hitch on 2nd-and-7. I don't know how you even do that. Nice throw to Davis, though, for a first down to the Steeler 43. Mason dashes off right tackle for 17, getting a nice one-armed block from guard Mike Montgomery. The whole Redskin line false starts on 3rd-and-4 from the 20. Doh! Daniel now has to blow a timeout, but that at least lets me catch up with the TiVo for the first time in about 2 hours. Nice slant pass to Eloi by Daniel (who Theismann just called "Daniels"), stopped for 9 by Keenan Lewis. Cartwright converts the 4th down. Mason gets mauled by Ryan Mundy on a cutback; 2nd-and-9 at the 29. Daniel has to blow Washington's second timeout in about two minutes, which Patrick charges to the Steelers. These two announcers have made so many mistakes tonight you wonder why so many critics ever thought the ESPN Sunday night broadcasts back in the day were any good. Mason gets 2 up the middle and leaves Daniel another big 3rd down. It's just a screen to Mason, but he motors downfield, puts his head down and makes Roy Lewis his bitch at the five yard line. Lewis bounced off him like a bug off a windshield. That makes it first-and-goal, but the Steelers hold firm on the next two runs. Let's see Daniel throw the fade route. He does, and it's pretty nice, brought down by a super leaping play by Mitchell. Pretty route, pretty throw, pretty catch. Pretty close game. Pretty perfect drive for Daniel.
Pittsburgh 10, Washington 10.
Logan nearly brings the kickoff back all the way despite starting the return 6 yards deep in the end zone. Best kickoff return I've seen this preseason. Obviously Pittsburgh's not going to let him go. He's tonight's MVP, setting the Steelers up here at the Redskin 45. 60 yards on the return. Washington gave the speedy Logan way too much running room. Dixon has a screen pass deflected incomplete by DE Chris Wilson and a sideline pass knocked down by Kevin Barnes. But Martin Nance makes a nice diving catch in front of Kareem Moore for 18. The Steelers mistakenly send the field goal team out on 3rd-and-6 from the 23. Dixon gets all night to throw, scrambles and just misses Vincent on a short dig route for the first. Piotr Czech (CHELSEA SUCKS!) comes back out and hits from 43.
Pittsburgh 13, Washington 10.
Daniel returns to the helm at the Redskin 24, after Theismann and Lindsay Czarniak have an in-depth discussion about the effects of Icy Hot in an athletic supporter. Daniel's sweet 9-yard sideline pass on first down gets the drive started. Mason rolls for the first down out to the 40 on a sweep right. Steeler pressure shuts down the next two plays but they let Daniel get away for a 20-yard scramble as the quarter ends.
End of third quarter: Pittsburgh 13, Washington 10.
They have 28 minutes to finish the fourth quarter here, so we can be pretty damn sure we're missing the beginning of the Denver-Seattle game at 9:30.
Redskins start the 4th at the Steeler 40. The Steelers stuff a run, and then Ziggy Hood buries former teammate Daniel under a ton of irony for a 12-yard loss. Hood flushes Daniel again on 3rd down and appears to get away with a late takedown out of bounds. Hmm, harboring hard feelings from the Mizzou days?
As if he had any chance to win Pittsburgh's punt return job anyway, Joe Burnett gets stripped by Fred Davis to turn the ball back over to Washington. Daniel hits Davis the next play with a pass off play action for about a 20-yard TD. The Steelers wish Burnett good luck in his future endeavors.
Washington 17, Pittsburgh 13.
Logan brings another kickoff to near midfield for Pittsburgh. He's proving good at returning kicks and punts. The Rams should see if they can trade Tye Hill for him.
Soda #11 of the 2009 Challenge on the way.
Redskins blow up a Steeler screen with 13:00 left. Dixon gets POUNDED by Antonio Dixon trying to scramble out of a sack on 2nd down. 3rd-12 after a Steeler injury timeout. Great 4-man pressure by the Skins flushes Dixon up the middle for a short gain. Perfect time for Washington to force a 3-and-out.
Colt Brennan steps in at Redskin QB from the 20. Patrick becomes only the third person I've ever heard, besides myself and Mike Martz, to use the phrase "champ at the bit" correctly. It is champ, not chomp like everyone says. Major plus points for Patrick. Dorsey gets 10 on 2 handoffs. Roy Lewis gets his man points back with a big hit on the second run. Dorsey slips a tackle in the backfield and surges up the left side for 9. Mason not only can't convert the first around left end, he gets knocked out of bounds and stops the clock. ARRGH. Play action to Eddie Williams gets five and a first. 8:00 left. Brennan gets all day to throw but ends up throwing it away under pressure from Hood. Colt hangs tough the next play and finds Hackett downfield for 16 instead of settling for a dump. They grind a couple of minutes off via the ground game before the Steelers leave TE Robbie Agnone WIDE open on 3rd-and-short for 20, down to the 15. Theismann continues to get the name of one his own team's players wrong by comparing the performances of Brennan and "Daniels". With Washington in imminent scoring position, "Daniels" takes a big lead in that contest when Brennan fires a bad pass to Steeler LB Tom Korte at the goal line. That could wind up being a game-losing turnover. Horrible mistake by Brennan.
Lucky new QB Mike Reilly gets SQUASHED after a first down handoff by Dixon, but survives and gets the Steelers an initial first down. Pittsburgh calls a TO with 2:10 left after a Reilly scramble. 2nd-6 from the 48. The Skins bring the house and it falls on Reilly in the form of Chris Wilson for a sack. 3rd-long, 1:59 left. Don't say I didn't warn you.
A Redskin blitz - why blitz in this situation? - flushes Reilly into a scramble that ends in a slide across the Redskin 39. It's a first down. Steelers use another timeout. Penalty moves Pittsburgh back to the 44. A sideline timing route doesn't have any and is incomplete out of bounds. 1:40 left. 9 over the middle to Tyler Grisham. Michael Grant makes a nice play jumping and knocking down a pass for Brandon Williams. On 4th down, the Redskins bring the house again but it pays off, forcing Reilly outside, and Jarmon hits his arm to foul up the throw. Redskins cash in their chips and run out the final 1:09.
MVP: Brian Orakpo. Is. Awesome. He played OLB and both ends and menaced the Steeler offense all night. TOLD you he was the best player in this past draft!
What did we learn: Brian Orakpo. Is. Awesome. Also, this year's Redskin Cinderella QB Chase Daniel may have a leg up on last year's Redskin Cinderella QB, Colt Brennan. Malcolm Kelly's pretty far ahead of Devin Thomas at WR. But their defense looks most impressive of all. They're going to be able to get good pressure with their 4-man rush, in part because Brian Orakpo. Is. Awesome. The Steelers didn't have Roethlisberger, so you can't weight this game too heavily for them, though Batch looked good. Their real story was return specialist Stefan Logan, who should have a death lock on the job after one breakaway return after another tonight, on kicks and punts. He's not only a weapon in his own right, he should help save Santonio Holmes some extra wear and tear. Should the Steelers decide not to keep Logan in favor of Holmes, the Rams should be calling Logan's agent a nanosecond after that news hits the wires.
Up next: Game 2 of tonight's doubleheader, Broncos at Seahawks.
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