On to the next, a Panthers-Dolphins matchup that would be a pretty tasty one, if this were the regular season.
Miami's new stadium name is so moronically stupid I'm never going to use it. But, oh yeah, I'm still calling their head coach Tony Soprano.
We'll get the Miami broadcast team of Craig Bolerjack, Bob Griese and I think Nat Moore. It'll be my first preseason look at either team. NFL Network is showing no consistency in which team's crew they use for broadcasts, but I assume we'll have this crew the whole game. We don't always get the home team's feed, because we've had the Seattle crew for both of their games. And it's the "major" network feed when they're re-airing one of those games.
Jake Delhomme and DeAngelo Williams start in the Panther backfield. I'm surprised Delhomme is walking; he should have been kicked in the groin all offseason by Panther fans after that egg he laid in the playoffs last year. Speak of the devil, he throws a terrible second-down pass under blitz pressure into a crowd that TE Gary Barnidge drops, though it could have been intercepted. Another blitz forces a poor pass that Ryne Robinson can't come up with. 4th down.
Blitz Jake Delhomme. Period.
Chad Pennington and Ronnie Brown for the Dolphins from their 40. Brown turns the corner on a 2nd down sweep right for a first down at the Panther 47. Brown gets a big hole off the left side now and gains 13 more. Carolina's not a defense you expect to get run on this easily. A smoke route to Davone Bess gets Miami a 3rd-and-3, on which Brown swings out of the backfield all alone and is wide open for Pennington's 28 yard pass for a TD. Miami ran a drag route from the same side designed to pick LB James Anderson, and it worked clinically. Not a penalty; Anderson ran into the WR and the DB covering him. Just gotta know to step back from that mess.
Miami 7, Carolina 0.
Heavy rain falling as Carolina lines up at the 30. Jeff Otah's helped off the field after Joey Porter swallows up a 2nd down run. The rain lets up by 3rd down, and Delhomme hits Robinson for a first down. Should keep in mind Delhomme doesn't have his usual crutch, Steve Smith, on the field tonight. All the more reason to blitz him. Muhsin Muhammed's out, too. Jason Taylor and Akin Ayodele stuff another Williams run at midfield. I could have used some run D like this the night of last year's fantasy league championship, STEVE SPAGNUOLO. No blitz on Delhomme on 3rd-and-long, and he hits Dante Rosario at the Miami 40 for another first. 11 more to Barnidge. DeAngelo Williams now scores on a play that is wonderfully impossible to describe. He ducks under Jason Ferguson tracking him down from the backside, bounces backward about seven yards, cuts inside a block at the right corner by Rosario, nearly has the ball stripped by Ayodele, spins to hang on to it, simultaneously eluding two other Dolphins, and sprints into the clear the last 10 yards for a 26-yard TD. I know it's preseason, I know it's DeAngelo Williams, but that was a freaking Barry Sanders-quality run. Easily one of the top plays of the preseason.
Carolina 7, Miami 7.
Sue me, but I could watch the Kgb "loser wears my outfit" ad all day long. OK, so I'd actually have the last part on pause.
Ganja Boy now at tailback for Miami, gaining 5. Oops, here's Brown in now in Wildcat formation, straight run up the middle. 3rd-and-2. Pennington gets lots of time and hits David Martin, maybe his third read, for a first. They fake an end run and an end around out of Wildcat on 1st down, but you know who's not buying? D-LEW. He stuffs Brown on the keeper for no gain. Bess drops what would have been a pretty catch at midfield. Tough but catchable. Dumpoff to Brown on 3rd-and-10 gets only six. Send in the punter.
And we nearly have a punt return TD for - CAPTAIN MUNNERLYN. The rookie outruns the gunners back upfield, gets a block from I think Rosario that takes out two Dolphins, slips a poor tackle by Chris Clemons that takes out another two, and is off to the races up the sideline. It should have been a TD but Munnerlyn brutally and absent-mindedly stepped out of bounds at the Miami 25. PAY ATTENTION TO THE FREAKING SIDELINE! 58-yard return.
Otah's back in and false starts. The vaunted rookie Mike Goodson now at tailback for Carolina. Another rookie, overrated former Illini DB Vontae Davis, stuffs him for no gain. 10 to Kenny Moore, but then a much-too-high screen pass to Goodson is shut down for no gain after a difficult catch. Another positive play for Davis as the first quarter expires.
End of first quarter: Carolina 7, Miami 7.
The end of quarter switch means Kasay has to attempt a 40-yard FG from the mud of the Marlins' infield instead of grass. And the snap from center is TERRIBLE, causing Jason Baker the punter/holder to leap up for it. He rolls right, briefly looks for a receiver and just throws the pass away out of bounds in the former home of Garo Yepremian.
The Wildcat sends Pennington wide left on 2nd-and-4. Ganja Boy takes a handoff from Brown and sweeps right almost untouched for 10. Pennington to Brown, who dodges a couple of Panthers and crosses midfield. Wildcat snap to Brown running right up the middle for 4 and a first. Gotta love the Wildcat. Pennington's split right again, Brown hands to Ganja Boy, reverse handoff to Pennington, bomb downfield to a very lonely Patrick Cobbs at the 10. First and goal.
Sure beats the crap out of stupid naked bootleg passes to the tight end. THIS is the kind of stuff I want to see more of in preseason games. It's idiotic to say, "Oh, we don't want to show all our cards in the preseason." Just because you run a triple reverse fullback option hook-and-trailer pass in August doesn't mean your opponents know when to look for it next! And you've already won if your opponents actually waste their time preparing for bizarre plays you ran in preseason that have a 5% chance of being run in any of your regular season games!
It's well past time to change the philosophy that favors vanilla preseason game plans. Turn it loose! What are you afraid of, entertaining the fans?
Back to the Dolphins at the Panther 10. Anderson stuffs Brown for a loss. WTF pass from Pennington on 2nd down is lucky to be incomplete. The nearest receiver was any of four different Panthers. 3rd-and-goal, Pennington hits Brian Hartline at the 3 on a pass I saw coming at the snap. 22-yard chip shot for Connor Barth is good.
Miami 10, Carolina 7.
Welcome to the 21st century: Miami's local CBS sports team is a man named Kim (Bokamper, of course) and a woman named Prim Siripipat.
We come back late - Carolina has made their way out to midfield after the kickoff - and Matt Moore is at QB. 2nd-20 after an incomplete pass and a hold. Incomplete pass, surrender draw, punt. Williams was still in at RB that possession.
Pat White now at "true" QB for the Dolphins, who appears to be going with the rest of the starters. Terrible outside pass on a roll left is too low for Hartline to dig. 3rd-and-7, he runs for 9 and a first down out to the 30. Poor, high screen pass left to Rich Camarillo loses one. On 3rd-and-6, White immediately takes off and runs again, but doesn't get the first down. Nat Moore brags on how White took off instead of trying to force a screen pass to the primary receiver. How about looking upfield for an alternate? Don't think I'm real thrilled I spent a third round pick on White right now if I'm a Dolphin fan.
Weird sequence on the punt return. Munnerlyn gets stripped, and a Dolphin recovers, but a Panther takes it back from him as he turns over with the ball, apparently trying to get up and run because he hasn't been downed yet. COVER IT UP AND STAY THERE! Then things get really confusing because Sparano wants a review. Referee says a fumble's not reviewable. HUH? An "NFL observer" tries to help the broadcast crew out by explaining it's not reviewable because the ball didn't go out of bounds. HUH? Fumbles are reviewed all the time in the NFL. I assume there's a complication because a kicking play is invovled. In any case, the NFL needs to either seriously revise, or seriously clarify, that rule.
Pretty throw and catch from Moore to Rosario for 23 yards at the 32. Miami stops them there, but the punt then clangs off Chris Williams' FACEMASK bounces to Na'il Diggs for a turnover. His second muff of the preseason. How do you misjudge a punt so badly that IT HITS YOU IN THE FACE?
Panthers back in business at the Dolphin 30 at the 2:00 warning. Goodson bolts around left end with little resistance for 12 and surges up the middle for 6 more. Nice cut for 7 more off the left side, down to the 3. First-and-goal. Miami stuffs him with :32 left. Timeout Carolina. DeCori Birmingham plows over right tackle and vultures Goodson's TD away from him.
Miami grinds out the last 21 seconds to end the half.
Halftime score: Carolina 14, Miami 10.
Chad Henne opens the second half behind center for Miami and is supposed to play the whole half. 9 over the middle to Cobbs. It takes Cobbs two tries, but he gets the first down at the 35. Henne never feels Everette Brown coming on 2nd-and-6 and is lucky his own team recovers the fumble Brown forced. Brown completely smoked Jake Long on the play. Henne hits Brandon London across midfield for another first down. Cobbs charges for 11 around left end after putting a fake on the DB on the corner. He chews Carolina up for 7 more yards, down to the 30. Patrick Turner takes a quick hitch down to the 23. Three poor Henne passes, two more intended for Turner, kill the drive from their. Dan Carpenter hits the settled-for 40-yard FG.
Carolina 14, Miami 13.
Time now for - soda lucky number thirteen.
Panthers at their 12 after a penalty on the kickoff. Illegal contact on Joey Thomas is tonight's FIRST Miami penalty. Vontae Davis stuffs another screen pass to create a 3rd-and-12. And LB Charlie Anderson stuffs another one. We need a punter in aisle 3.
Nice 19-yard punt return by Bess sets Miami up near midfield. Henne hits Turner for 14 at the Panther 39, then Miami blows a timeout. Lex Hilliard gets a big alley around left end, runs through a couple of Panthers and sprints for an apparent 39-yard TD.
No, review will show he stepped out at the 4; good challenge by John Fox. Review will also show a terrible tackle attempt by Sherrod Martin and a poor job fighting off an average stiffarm by Quinton Teal, but there's no flag to throw for that. You've still gotta be able to tackle if you're a DB, fellas.
What? The play stands? Really? TD Hilliard, then.
Miami 20, Carolina 14.
The kickoff comes out to the 44 thanks to a Miami penalty I missed. Josh McCown of the Amazingly Mediocre McCown Brothers enters at QB for Carolina. An 8-yard pass to Birmingham is followed by a stuffed run and a sack for Cameron Wake, beating Jeff Schwartz. That sack wasn't Schwartz's fault. The Amazingly Mediocre McCown had forever to do something besides stand there.
Henne loses the snap at the 14. Nat Moore urgently says to check who the QB is though it's been reported repeatedly that Henne would play the whole second half. Game prep's worthless if you ignore it, guy. Hilliard explodes off right guard for 15-16 but illegal formation takes it back. 2nd-15 at the 9. Screen to Hilliard for 5. Dumpoff to Cobbs for 5. Punt.
Larry Beavers, another Carolina prospect who's gotten hyped way too much, tries the old run-backwards-with-the-punt-it-would-have-worked-for-me-in-college return and gets nowhere, predictably. Beavers appears to be roughly the size of Steve Urkel, btw.
End of third quarter: Miami 20, Carolina 14.
Carolina starts the 4th quarter with a 1st down at their 49. Birmingham rounds right end and bangs his way down to the 35. A couple of completions get them inside the 15. I care right now just as much as the Miami announcers do. They bang down to 3rd-and-2 at the 4. McCown thinks about an audible but calls timeout instead. Fade pass for Kevin McMahan is expertly defended by Vontae Davis, who's going to make me rethink the "overrated" assessment I made earlier. Panthers settle for a chippie. Hey, no playing for the tie here, Fox.
Miami 20, Carolina 17.
A kick I'm not sure was supposed to be a squib is fielded by Miami at their 39. Fat, not phat, placekicker Rhys Lloyd has mishit at least two kickoffs tonight. Um, it's a STATIONARY TARGET. The Panthers wish Lloyd luck in his future endeavors.
9:34 left. Nothing doing for Henne; he gets blitzed big on third down and has to throw it away.
Beavers muffs the punt return, runs backward picking up the bounce and ends up losing about 5. Over. Rated. Panthers at their 9 with 7:50 left. Stuffed run, tipped screen pass nearly intercepted, hilarity ensues on 3rd down. Miami blitz destroys what was undoubtedly another stupid damn screen pass. The Amazingly Mediocre McCown literally turns his back to the defense and sprints backward to the end zone, dropping the ball on the goal line as if to say, Here, take it! Just don't hurt me. Guard Mackensy Bernadeau picks up the loose ball and runs upfield with it to the 10.
Instead of giving McCown another snap, Carolina should just punt on first down the rest of the night.
Dolphins at the Panther 47. Appropriately since they just showed a couple of kids in the crowd wearing Rey Mysterio masks, there's 6:19 left to play. Henne overthrows a wide open bomb by a lot. Geez. Stuffed run, dropped first down pass by Anthony Armstrong, wash, rinse, repeat. Somebody get me a punter.
Robinson signals fair catch and then doesn't get the hell away from the ball, which bounces up and smacks him in the face for a muff. Clemons recovers and Miami is back in business at the Panther 14. Some of the play this quarter has been so pathetic it's not even funny. Hilliard around left end for 7. He fumbles at the 5 but guard Joe Berger recovers. Henne rolls right and hits Turner at the 4 for what should be a first down. It is, first and goal. 2nd-down play action pass to fullback Joe Kowalewski in the flat scores the TD and should put this one away for Miami with 3:03 left.
VERY short kickoff by Barth caught at the 20 and returned to the 30 by Birmingham. Illegal formation. I swear, these players get this far into camp and don't know how to line up? The Panthers pass short 3 times, including on 4th down, and not surprisingly, don't get a first down, with Nathan Jones breaking up the 4th down pass for #18.
The Dolphins play to run out the clock AND DAMN YOU TO HELL JOHN FOX for calling timeouts in the last minute of a preseason game you're losing by 10. Panthers get the ball back on downs with 10 seconds left.
Fox made sure to use that last timeout so MCCOWN COULD DUMP OFF TO THE TIGHT END. Thanks for that, John. Game still over.
MVP: Vontae Davis for finally winning me over at corner. He had a very effective game, stuffing the run, stuffing screen passes and defending downfield. (Lex Hilliard would have won if he hadn't stepped out of bounds.)
What did we learn: Davis is indeed worth some of the hype. But the Dolphins have squat behind Pennington, who iirc is pretty injury-prone. Henne looked poor and White isn't ready. Also, Wildcat formation still rocks. So does DeAngelo Williams. And the Panthers also have squat behind their starting QB, because Josh McCown is Amazingly Mediocre. Carolina was amazingly error-prone on special teams; they're the kind of franchise that usually gets that kind of thing right.
Up next: You'll have to trust that I'm continuing the quintupleheader with Bills-Packers, because I have to take the blog offline for a while to offload the TiVo.
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