Game 36: Saints 45, Raiders 7

I fall behind early here waiting TEN MINUTES for the Raiders website to load over my dialup connection. I get the whole Saints roster up, with thumbnail mugshots of every player, before I can even get off the stupid Raiders' splash page. So I'm rooting for the Saints today.

John Tournour being a 43-year old man reporting from the sideline using a wacky radio morning zoo nickname is another good reason to root for the Saints today. It is reasonably awesome, however, that the Raider pregame show regales us with a feature called "Weinerschnitzel Winning Ways". #1 today: stop the run. Gee, you think so, after the Whiners ran for about 1,000 yards last week?

The Raiders' webpage IS STILL LOADING so I have to pause again for kickoff. Thank God I have the option to read their page in TAGALOG, though. Might as well go track down soda #16 of this year's challenge while I wait for the Library of Freaking Raider Congress.com to come up.

Sebastian Janikowski blasts the opening kickoff about 80 yards to start us off. End-around to Devery Henderson for 5. Starting Saint backfield of Drew Brees and Mike Bell, with Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas both out injured. No surprise on that first one. Brees to Jeremy Shockey for 21. Former Rams washout Jon Alston starting at OLB today for Oakland. Short over the middle to Lance Moore for 9. Heh, didn't the Weinerschnitzel Winning Ways say the Raiders need to stop the run? Do the Saints have to run? Bell slips and falls but gets the first down at the Raider 44. Play action (as if) pass to Moore for 7. Brees to Shockey running free up the middle for 21-22 more. Bell gets them inside the 10. 2nd-4 from the 9. 4.9 more off right tackle. 3rd down at the 4. Bell should have the first down on the leap. Good stop by the Raiders, but he needed to gain almost nothing. Yep, 1st-goal. Heath Evans gets stuck behind the line but bounces left and through for the TD.

New Orleans 7, Oakland 0.

Well, that was quick. The Saints took less time to drive 80 yards than it took for the Raiders' website to load.

Jamarcus Russell and I think Michael Bush lead Oakland from their 25. Quick slant to Darius Heyward-Bey for 12. TE Zach Miller's all alone in the Saint secondary for 35 more. Roman Harper comes in on a blitz, though, and tomahawks the ball out of Russell's hand from the blindside, and Jonathan Vilma recovers the loose ball for a turnover. Bend, don't break, eh.

Well, that was quick. The Raiders turned the ball over much quicker than it takes for their website to load.

Fake-pitch left, screen right to Shockey for a few. Quick slant to Moore, who spins out of Chris Johnson's (yes, he who started the 2005 Rams season stepping out of bounds at the 1 with a kick return) tackle for a first down at the 45. The Raiders extend them to 3rd-and-6 at midfield, but the Saints screen to Bell into a blitz and gain 10. Lynell Hamilton, who I think played center for the Flyin' Illini in the 80s, over left tackle for 1. Nnamdi Asomugha knocks a pass away from Moore. But on 3rd and 9, Brees gets forever to throw against a Raider 4-man rush, and hits Henderson WIDE OPEN against Hiram Eugene for a 40-yard TD.

New Orleans 14, Oakland 0.

Well, that was quick. The Saints were up two TDs quicker than it takes for the Raiders' website to load.

I'll also say this. Before you experts out there doom the Rams to the first overall draft pick in 2010, I have to say they look markedly better than the Lions and Bengals, and they're a damn sight better on defense than the Raiders. Now, the Raiders may have the weapons to win a lot of games 39-38, but they're going to need that to have any chance at .500 in 2009. This defense is atrocious.

Oakland'll start at their 22 next, which is pretty much where they stop. Russell goes deep for DHB on 3rd down but is nearly picked off by Usama Young at the sideline.

Well, that was quick. The Raiders went 3-and-out far faster than it takes for their website to load.

Back to the Saints, at their 21. Desmond Bryant gets to Brees for a sack. Poor blitz pickups by Evans and Hamilton. That was Lowell Hamilton who played for the Illini, btw. Because it's the Raiders, the Saints get their 17 yards back on 2 runs. The Raiders get them to 3rd-and-10, but Brees finds Henderson in front of Michael Huff for about 15 at the Raider 35. A couple more completions get New Orleans a first down inside the Raider 30.

Drew Brees threw for 158 yards in the first quarter.

End of first quarter: New Orleans 14, Oakland 0.

Saints start the 2nd quarter at the Raider 23. It was actually 2nd-and-short, which Hamilton converted around right end at the 20. Marques Colston gets his first look of the day and breaks inside the 5. Play action to Moore in the end zone, easy TD pass beating Tyvon Branch.

Well, that was quick - oh, never mind.

New Orleans 21, Oakland 0.

My fantasy league drafts Monday night. I pick 9th, wonderful. But I'm pretty sure my first-round pick will be "whoever's playing against Oakland".

Oakland will try again from their 23. Here we go! Darren McFadden explodes off right tackle for 22. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, holding, Oakland. 1st-20, they play-action to McFadden for 7ish. 6 more on a flare to Zach Miller. Do they chuck it deep on 3rd-and-7? No, Russell hits Louis Murphy over the middle, but Murphy loses the ball trying to tuck it away. The ruling is incomplete pass, which I tend to agree with. Either way, Murphy's maintaining his reputation for the drops from college. The Saints challenge but the play stands as called; punt away.

Saints at their 40. They could probably stick Guido Merkens at QB right now and score a TD. Well, same thing, Mark Brunell. Handoff to Lionel Hamilton - I know him now, he's the master of the vibraphone - for 3. Rollout left is incomplete as Stanford Routt has Robert Meacham blanketed. Hamilton drops a screen pass as the Raiders FINALLY gain a stop on defense.

And yes, that was Lionel Hampton playing vibraphone. Whattaya want for a 21-0 preseason game?

Russell makes a nice play to elude the rush, roll right and hit Murphy at midfield on 2nd-and-7, but the Saint DB strips it free before Murphy can put it away. Huge rush by Will Smith on that play, who absolutely whipped the Raider LT. Bad pass for Johnnie Lee Higgins on 3rd down and the Raiders are punting again.

Saints at about their 22. Routt breaks up a bomb for Meacham. Brunell steps up on 2nd down and hits Hamilton at the 34 for a first. Hamilton breaks a tackle after about 10 yards of a middle run and gains 10 more. From the Raider 48, Brunell underthrows a bomb for Moore but they get a blatant DPI on Routt. 1st down at the 17. I believe all fantasy football players should lobby the NFL to include DPI yardage as part of passing yards. Especially those of us who draft Drew Brees. More DPI on Routt sets the Saints up at the 8. The Saints go into classic preseason mode from there: two touchdown plays and a third pass that goes to Billy Miller inside the 5 are ALL called back due to Saint penalties totalling 20 yards. John Carney splits the uprights from 35.

New Orleans 24, Oakland 0.

Once again with feeling for Oakland from their 20. About 5:00 till halftime. Can't come soon enough. McFadden UNDRESSES Marvin Mitchell with a move on a screen pass and gains 10. Saints living dangerously with the blitz there. They call a fumble on the next play, a sweep left for McFadden, but I'm fairly sure he was down. If not, ANTHONY HARGROVE just made a play. That is reason alone to suspect the call on the field is wrong. Anthony Hargrove made a play?

Just thought I'd also mention Neck Lickey has seen action for the Saints today at center.

Um, I mean Nick Leckey. What do you want for a 24-0 preseason game?

Meanwhile, these Raiders look for all the world like the 2008 Rams.

ANTHONY HARGROVE MADE A PLAY! They don't overturn the fumble call, and Paul Spicer's return to the Raider 6-yard line stands. On 2nd-goal, Brunell rolls left and throws right to Hiram Eugene at the goal line, a mortifyingly stupid play. There wasn't a Saint receiver within a MILE of that pass! WTF kind of play is that for a 17-year veteran from Washington?

Wait a minute, was that Mark Brunell or Chris Chandler making that throw?

Eugene returned the pick back to the Raider 31. Oakland doesn't get it much farther than that. The Saints blitz on 3rd-and-4 and LB Troy Evans comes up the middle scot-free to sack Russell.

Again, if preseason means anything, the Raiders are going to be the 2008 Rams in 2009. I know teams can have bad records in preseason and go on to great seasons, and famously, the 0-16 Lions last year went 4-0 in preseason, but can a team really play as suckass as the Raiders have for three weeks and expect the regular season will be different?

Saints at their 23 after punts and re-punts and penalties, and viva preseason, whatever. Heartbreak Hill for this game hit about an hour ago and we're still climbing it. Robert Meacham makes that climb steeper and longer for Oakland fans and the rest of us saps watching this fiasco with a 71-yard catch-and-run. Routt missed a tackle BADLY after Meacham caught a short pass and the WR put on the jets from there. Chris Johnson gamely caught him at the 1-yard line at the 2:00 warning.

That's what the Saints drafted Meacham for a couple of years ago, btw. As if they needed any more weapons in the passing game. The Raiders stuff PJ Hill at the goal line on 1st down, but he leaps and twists in for the score with 1:21 left in the half.

New Orleans 31, 2008 St. Louis Rams 0.

Raiders play-by-play man Greg Papa now desperately trying to play down the significance of the third preseason game. Oakland has 1:15 to try to do something, anything, from their 31. Russell gets flushed right, has nobody open, get his arm hit on the throw, incomplete. And Robert Gallery held. 5 to Bush, with Russell nearly getting sacked again. 5 more to Zach Miller. 3rd-10ish.

THE SAINTS CALL TIMEOUT? I consider that a personal foul. 33 seconds left. The Saints whip the left side of the Raider line AGAIN with ANOTHER blitz and score ANOTHER sack of Russell. Jesus Freaking Christ, Oakland is bad today.

ANOTHER SAINT TIMEOUT? Did a bully in a Raiders shirt use to steal Sean Payton's lunch money when he was a kid? Rod Harper returns the kick across midfield, and the Saints throw two Big Ben passes. The Raiders don't get the first one knocked down, and Harper nearly makes a diving catch for it in the end zone. Chris Johnson intercepts the second one and returns it to midfield as the clock runs out, easily Oakland's most exciting play of the half.

Halftime score: New Orleans 31, Oakland 0.

For the first time this preseason, I am now in "screw this game" mode for a game. Expect fairly scanty details of the 2nd half, just hitting on any big stuff.

Halftime stats: First downs: Saints 19, Raiders 3.
Passing yards: Saints 252, Raiders 59.
Rushing yards: Saints 92, Raiders 1.
Time of possession: Saints 20:27, Raiders 9:33.

Well, at least the Raiders got their 6 penalties in.

Russell stays in, with Oakland at their 25. Zach Miller burns Troy Evans for 27. Rinse, wash, repeat for the Raiders from there. Russell remains under withering pressure from Bobby McCray and Saint blitzers destroying the Oakland LT. Higgins drops a third down pass to force a punt.

Brunell stays in for Nawlins, at the Saint 24. Bad 3-and-out possession for Rod Harper, who brutally drops a perfect Brunell pass near midfield and gets blanketed by Chris Johnson on 3rd. El punto.

After a pretty deep pass from Russell to Murphy at the 35 (pretty two-handed overhead catch, too), Murphy has the ball stripped away from him by Pierson Prieleau for yet another fumble. Looks like one thing you can't fix in the NFL is bad hands. Saints ball.

The Raiders appear to stop the Saints at midfield, but Payton is GOING FOR IT AGAIN on 4th-and-2. Is the coach Tom Cable punched out Payton's brother or something? Payton's behavior here isn't falling under any other category here than running the score up on purpose, and I'm flummoxed to explain it.

Why did it take until 8:25 in the third quarter to get us a sideline shot of the Raider Strippers, er, cheerleaders?

It's a PASS on 4th-and-2 and Brunell hits Harper for the first. Hamilton runs them down to the 25 before eventually limping off. P.J. Hill bounces off a half-hearted tackle attempt and sweeps left for an easy 5-yard TD. The Oakland fans are finally booing the team. Papa indicates that the Raiders still have many of their STARTERS out there. Holy cats.

New Orleans 38, Oakland 0.

Jeff Garcia gets to enter the game now for Oakland at QB. Still about 5:00 left in the 3rd. Raiders at the 20. I said I'd try to limit to describing big plays. Well, Louis Murphy just hung on to a pass. A dumpoff to Rankin only gets them to 4th-and-3 at midfield, where they go for it. Of course New Orleans blitzes, but Oakland burns them this time, AND MURPHY HANGS ON TO ANOTHER PASS, for 30. Lightning strikes twice! Troy Evans splatters Garcia on a scramble on the last play of the 3rd quarter.

End of third quarter: New Orleans 38, Oakland 0.

Garcia's nearly sacked again (BY HARGROVE) on third down. The Raiders pass up the Field Goal of Futility and go for it on 4th-and-12 at the 20. The Saints have Murphy double-covered in the corner of the end zone, though, and Garcia chucks the ball away.

There's always a chance, Oakland: the new Saint QB now is Joey Harrington. Hill pops outside with another long run out to midfield. The Saints go for it on 4th down again and hit a big pass to TE Buck Ortega. What is with Payton's Raider hating? Hill gets the rest of the game off and the Saints go to (Peaches and) Herb Donaldson, similar in build to Hill, at RB. Oakland mostly can't stop him, either. Oakland couldn't stop SAM Donaldson today. Donaldson gets 15 or so with a screen pass to get the Saints inside the red zone. On 4th-and-8 from the 11; of course, Payton's going for it, and Harrington hits Skyler Green on the fade in the left corner of the end zone.

Oh, the humanity!

New Orleans 45, Oakland 0.

Still 8:30 left of this fiasco. Good Nick Miller return gives Garcia the ball at the 42. Gary Russell at RB since the last drive. He runs them down to the Saint 40, and from there.......

OAKLAND SCORES!!!!!!

Garcia hit Jonathan Holland with a sideline pass and the Saint DB blew the tackle pitifully. Holland stopped and just ran around him and sped untouched the rest of the way.

New Orleans 45, Oakland 7.

6:06 left. Wonder how hard Payton will try to get that TD back. Harrington working from the 22. Hill's back and dodges about six tackles for another 25+ yard run. That's all, though, as Michael Hawkins DRILLS Hill on a short pass to force a 4th down.

And Payton's actually punting here, though the ball's near midfield. Raiders get it back at their 27 with 3:22 left. Big cutback run for Russell for 26. They bog down there, though, with a penalty and with the Saints still bringing corner blitzes with 2:50 left in a preseason blowout. The Saints are freaking playing for keeps, I'll say that much. Raiders end up turning it over on downs. Normally I'd assume the team with the lead is going to just run the clock out here, but...

Yeah, Payton finally takes his foot off the gas, and/or Oakland's throats. Well, they run again on 4th-and-6 instead of punting, and Hill converts it, but that's Oakland's own fault. Game finally and mercifully ends there.

Final score: New Orleans 45, Raiders 7.

MVP: Game ball was totally going to Brees until P.J. Hill had the huge second half. Yeah, what RB doesn't have a big game against Oakland, but with all the Saints' injuries at the position, Hill's 12 rushes for 83 yards and 2 TDs had to be a welcome development. Not to shortchange Hamilton, who had 16 rushes for 95 against a lot of Raider starters; the TDs win it for Hill.

What have we learned: We got official confirmation that ANYBODY can run on Oakland. The Raiders looked every bit as bad as Detroit did last week, and their defense is poised to be historically bad this season, even with Asomugha shutting down one corner. They can't pressure the passer, push the pocket, cover anybody (besides Asomugha), or even tackle that well. The Saints are SHARP, though a team shouldn't be encouraged to peak in August. That's going to be a massive passing attack if Meacham's stepping up to join Moore and Colston, who wasn't even used that much today. Not to forget Shockey. They didn't seem to miss T Jammal Brown (out with injury), but then again, they were playing Oakland. Still, the Saints-Falcons clashes in the NFC South this year figure to be epic.

Up next: Moving over to Chargers-Falcons on CBS in about 15 minutes.