Game 12: Texans 19, Broncos 16

Now up: Broncos @ Texans, first half called by Joel Meyers and the scary, overly-made-up Spencer Tillman.

Broncos receive the opening kickoff. Rookie Eddie Royal can't crack the 20 with the return. Quick slant to Brandon Marshall gets bupkus. DeMeco Ryans and Mario Williams break up a sweep right by Selvin Youngfor a four-yard loss. Illegal formation by Ryan Harris costs the Broncos a 22-yard screen pass. Not much for Young on third down and the Broncos punt.

Texans start at their 44 after Jacoby Jones return. Screen to Ahman Green for about 5. He leaves the field with a limp. Andre Davis gets 12 on an endaround. Both teams are throwing their first-round offensive tacklepicks into the fire at LT right away. Chris Taylor replaces Green at RB. Matt Schaub is starting QB, btw.

Meyers hilariously tosses a question about Green to Tillman by saying Tillman can relate to a guy that's up in his years, trying to keep up with younger guys. How did you sense that, Meyers? Is it because Tillman has got only slightly less eyeliner on right now than Ozzy Osborne?

Nice short out pattern from Schaub to Davis gives Houston a first down at the Denver 24. Schaub to Owen Daniels over the middle at the 12 for another 1st.

We hit our third injury delay, with barely 6:00 expired. Lewis Green got knocked in the head on the tackle by a flying DJ Williams. Tillman is very careful and thoughtful here giving kids advice to keep their heads up when they tackle, making me feel like a total heel for the earlier makeup jokes. Beer me, bartender!

Green is stretchered off with what turns out to be a concussion iirc. That'll be enough with the scary injuries this preseason, please.

On 3rd and short from the 4, Marlon McCree nearly picks Schaub off at the goal line. Easy FG for Kris Brown to give Houston a 3-0 lead.

Royal, who also started at WR, returns Brown's kickoff to the 25. Mario Williams is swallowing up the Bronco running game so far. Brandon Marshall caught 102 passes last year? I need to pay more attention. Marshall catches a quick hitter to convert a first down. Cutler goes long the next play but Royal appears to run the wrong pattern. Rookies. Dumpoff to Young is good for about 16, I think, across midfield. 10 to Nate Jackson for another 1st. Young cracks one up the middle for about 10 to put Denver in the red zone. Young's considerably smaller than I thought. End zone pass is off of Graham's fingertips. Ryans tripped him a beat early, but no call by the Mike Carey crew. False start by Harris. Wow, he's the Alex Barron of the Broncos. On 3rd-and-8 from the 15, Cutler scrambles left for the TD. Looked like Tony Scheffler took a couple of guys out for him at the goal line. Not very good pursuit by the Texans, either. 7-3, Broncos.

Andre Davis takes a whack from Jamie Winborn at the 28, where he drops like a sack of bricks. Introducing Sage Rosenfels as the new Texans QB. He gets FOREVER to throw his first play but settles for a dumpoff to FB Vonta Leach for 13. Domonique Foxworth blitzes in to drop Taylor for a four-yard loss as the first quarter ends. Completely blown blitz pickup by Jacoby Jones. You've gotta block somebody, son.

On 3rd-and-13, I guess, the Houston broadcasters never CARE enough to tell us down, distance or length of the last play, Rosenfels hits Tim Carter perfectly over the middle between three Broncos, all of whom clock him. First down across midfield. Play fake is bought COMPLETELY by the Houston cameraman so we completely miss Rosenfels bootleg right and throw the ball away. David Anderson jukes his way to a first down, about 4 yards of YAC after a 7-yard out. 3rd-and-8 from the 34, DJ Williams anticipates the incredibly predictable short dump to Taylor and breaks it up. Houston's been looking deep quite a bit so far but Denver is giving them nothing. Brown hits a 52-yard bomb to give us a 7-6 game.

Broncos start from their 23 with Patrick Ramsey at the wheel. Quick pass to Scheffler for 12. Andre Hall, who returned the kickoff, is now the RB. Horrifingly bad pass by Ramsey, well over his head, is picked off by Nick Ferguson and returned inside the Bronco 30.

Taylor breaks through the pile and gains 10 down to the 16. Rosenfels executes another superb play fake, rolls left and fires for Anderson breaking toward the front pylon for a TD. Camera man caught it this time, and we see Houston ahead 13-7.

Kick return out to the 30. Even the Houston broadcast's graphics are awful. The score slug is out of focus and it looks like there's blob minutes and OZ seconds left in the half. The Broncos get to the Houston 30 mostly on the strength of Andre Hall runs. Hall runs right for a first down at the 25, then gains 9 up the middle. Alan Alridge replaces him and gets a first down at the 13. Another RB switch, to Michael Pittman, who gets stuffed for a big loss by Zach Diles, forcing a third down. Ramsey fires way over Daniels' head to force a FG attempt. Emphasis on attempt, because Matt Prater GAGS on a 30-yarder to keep the score 13-7.

I know he's retired, but I wonder if Jeff Wilkins is going to get any calls from teams in dilemmas like Denver's in here. How did Denver let this happen? How have they ended up with a guy who's ONE FOR FOUR in his NFL kicking career and just yakked on a simple 30-yard kick? That is not a sign of a well-run organization. The Rams should try to offer them Justin Medlock for a draft pick.

Houston takes over from their 20, about 2:20 left. No gain for Taylor. 2:00 warning. Eb Ekuban jumps offside. Denver's got no pass rush at all; Rosenfels pump fakes, shines his shoes, reads the paper, hits a receiver for 13. A stupid run and a rare Bronco pass rush force Houston into 3rd-8. Christian Morton uncharitably blitzes in and bangs Rosenfels down to stop the drive. Broncos will get the ball back with about a minute left.

WHOOPS - it's a fake punt, and one of many former Ram punters, MATT TURK, runs it out to the 50. Shades of the Oakland game a couple of years ago.

DOUBLE WHOOPS - the referees got the spot wrong, and on replay, Turk's down at the 49, a yard short of the first down. Karmic retribution for the Texans running a bush league fake punt in a preseason game.

Send that ball to the Hall of Fame! Darrell Jackson catches two balls in a row without dropping one. But the second catch is negated by a hold committed by - RYAN HARRIS. Harris then HOLDS AGAIN THE NEXT PLAY. Maybe the Broncos should give Grant Williams a call. On the last play of the half, Jamar Fletcher, who had a pretty good first half, picks off Ramsey's Hail Mary pass. 13-7 at the break.
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You know who was impressive this half? Sage Freaking Rosenfels. His play fakes may be the best in the entire league, and he runs an offense pretty well. He's not just a QB with a really funny name any more. Duane Brown, another of those first-round draft picks I scoffed at in April (two rounds early!), had a good half, as did Mario Williams and Jamar Fletcher. Don't sleep on these Texans. They can play defense, and right now they're running well. This is a playoff-contending team if Schaub's not a big screw-up. Like Ryan Harris. The Broncos have a serious problem at RT with him. Their d-line has struggled the last few years and isn't getting enough heat on the QB tonight. And the Broncos are unbelievably terrible at kicker with Prater. They need a change there pronto.


Rosenfels returns as the Texans open for business at their 19. 13 more to Anderson, who I should have mentioned as an impressive performer last paragraph. They connect again at midfield on a free play. Darius Walker is now the RB. Rosenfels continues to gets tons of time and hits Jones with a beautiful pass on a corner route down to the 9 yard line. Third and goal from the 6, they throw the stupid fucking smoke route to Anderson and it not surprisingly gains nothing, even though the first Bronco there, Roderick Rogers, blows the tackle badly.

As much as I like some of what Houston's doing, teams that repeatedly settle for FGs in the red zone usually turn out to be bad teams. COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS! Brown chips in his third FG to make it 16-7, Houston.

Broncos will start from their 27. The Broncos are trying to get Alridge, a draft pick I really liked, a lot of reps, but he's not finding much room to run, and he put the ball on the ground this drive. Broncos kept it but have to punt.

Next we get Jacoby Jones making the most ridiculous punt return in history. Fields it at the 32. Runs backwards and crossfield all the way back to the 21. Reverses direction, runs back across field, breaking four tackles, briefly slipping behind the 20 before getting out to the 25. About to turn upfield at the 25 (remember, he needs seven more yards just to break even this play), he loses the football without being touched and Denver recovers.

YOU EEEEEEEEEEE-DIOT!!!!

Denver's running the West Coast Offense of Deathly Boredom, all five-yard swing passes. Ramsey hits Pittman with one before having a third-down pass tipped at the line. Denver blows their golden opportunity. Prater, who has put the drama back in the FG, actually hits from 38 to make it a 16-10 game.

Wes Woodyard submarines Steve Slaton, who takes a hard fall, to kill the kick return at the 20. New Houston QB is Shane Boyd, who was awful at Arizona last year. He scrambles right for 3, then left for about 17. Carter BRUTALLY drops a sideline pass. Walker gains about 8 on a draw. They come up short on third, and Boyd doesn't convert the 4th-and-short, either, giving the ball back to Denver near midfield.

Darrell Hackney in the game as Broncos QB. They finally get Alridge in space with a screen pass, and he embarrasses Greg Eslinger with a juke en route to a 12-yard gain. Great cutback run a couple of plays later, and he smokes Demarcus Faggins getting around the corner and making a 24-yard run up the sideline. The third quarter ends with the Broncos at the Houston 13, trailing 16-10.

Third and six, Denver. Faggins makes up for getting posterized by Alridge earlier when he breaks up a pass inside the 5. Prater hits another chip shot, so maybe he's settled down. 16 to 13.

Woodyard starts the next drive knocking the helmet off a Texans lineman, but Morton then gives up a first down with a hold. Steve Slaton gets a big hole on the left side and exploits it for 10. On third down at midfield, Woodyard makes a super open-field play and shuts down Slaton after a screen. Woodyard was undrafted, folks - anybody could have had him.

Denver tees off from their 20. After a rash of penalties, Houston blitzes them big on 3rd and 9, but Hackney burns them bigtime with a pretty pass on the move to Scheffler for 39. A Bronco hold is nullified by Hackney's 10 yard scramble and a Houston penalty. Hackney finished the scramble in spectacular fashion, hurdling over a tackler with a forward somersault. Another big defensive penalty, by Derrick Roberson, puts the Broncos on the 3-yard line with a DPI. Classic non-clutch preseason offense from here. False start moves it back to the 9, then two Texans come into the backfield unblocked for a tackle-for-loss. Then Hackney needs a timeout. Then an incomplete screen pass that would have gained two at most. 3rd-goal from the 11. ANOTHER SCREEN that Alridge can only get down to the 8. Mike Shanahan books an early ticket for hell by having Prater try the FG, which is good, AND TIES THIS PRESEASON GAME AT 16 with 5:50 left.

Texans's possession starts at the 39 after Slaton gets a big lane on the kickoff return. Facing third and 1 near midfield, Slaton sweeps left for about 3 and the 1st. Jordan Beck nullifies his own sack on an all-out blitz on first down at midfield with a holding penalty the next play. Boyd takes off with a bootleg right for 11, then hits LeRon McCoy for 10. They're inside the 30 at 3:30. Slaton cuts back for 14 down to the 13.

SHANAHAN STARTS USING TIMEOUTS TO PRESERVE THE CLOCK. Houston's got 3rd down inside the 10 at the 2:00 warning. Play action to Jamaal Cook has the first down, though if he'd stayed on his feet he would have had a touchdown. From the 3, it's the millionth sweep to Slaton, and Denver's all over it for a three-yard loss. Maybe 1 for Slaton on 2nd and goal. On 3rd, they try an inside fake and try to sneak Boyd around left end, but #36 breaks it up with a sensational open-field play. Chris Brown should be able to hit this FG attempt in his sleep, though. Three seconds left in the game.

Kris Brown, MY HERO, strokes it to give Houston a 19-16 win.
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There's a lot to like about the Texans but some big things to dislike. Like their defensive playmakers like Ryans and Williams. Like Anderson's chances at WR4 and challenging for WR3. Like Rosenfels at QB2; he really outplayed Schaub. Their offensive line won the line of scrimmage, something that may be happening for the first time around there. Slaton has the makings of a dangerous playmaker. But I really hate that this offense had to settle for FGs over and over and over and over. That was a problem for them last year and so far remains a problem. Wes Woodyard was the highlight of Denver's night. He was everywhere and hit people with authority. I really like the idea of getting the ball to Alan Alridge in space and letting him go crazy. He can be an extremely dangerous weapon with his speed. Hackney's a passable QB3. Also, blocking and receiving kudos to Tony Scheffler. Prater seems to have settled in at PK after blowing an attempt, though in effect, he lost the game for them. That and Denver almost completely losing the line of scrimmage. Their pass rush did almost nothing, and their offensive line's a mess, especially penalty machine Ryan Harris.

I've been burning games off to DVD to keep space available on the TiVo, which only has one game on it at the moment, so it'll be next, last night's ESPN game between Green Bay and Cincinnati. Gee, I wonder if Kornheiser will have anything to say about BFF.