Game 15: Ravens 16, Patriots 15

Wow, so many football games, so little time. It's now midnight on Friday the 15th as I get started on the Ravens-Patriots game. I'm already three hours later than planned, largely because I'm already having technical difficulties with the first two Week 2 games. My VCR had tuning problems and may have eaten the first quarter of Panthers-Eggles. Then a supposed bad media caused my DVD recorder to eat about the middle 15 game minutes of Raiders-Titans. Ah, technology. Week 2 is really off to a flying start.

But back to Week 1. Aw, the poow Patwiots have "unfinished business". Boo hoo hoo. Don Criqui and Randy Cross with the Patriots' side of the broadcast.

Good angled kickoff by Gostkowski forces a touchback by Yamon Figurs. Kyle Boller starts at QB, rookie Ray Rice at RB for Baltimore. 21 yard pass to #85, as Criqui already isn't identifying players. Rice gets 1 running left; he had a hole but didn't hit it very fast. 13 more to Figurs, and the Ravens are already across midfield. 15 to Derrick Mason on an out pattern. Mason's the mysterious #85 from earlier. Screen to Rice gets a couple. Raven o-line is keeping the Pats rush well away from Boller so far. Fifth pass of the drive, vs. one run, is a dumpoff to Rice. It's 3rd-4 from the Patriot 24. Hey, it's the stupid screen. Pierre Woods gets heavy pressure on Boller to force a bad pass. If Rice had caught it, the Patriots would have had him for a 4-5 yard loss anyway. Matt Stover with the 40-yarder, Ravens 3, Patriots 0.

No Tom Brady or Randy Moss tonight for New England, which I'm sure all the good New England fans who dropped $85 a ducat to see this thing are real glad to hear. Jackie Slater's son Matthew only returns the kickoff to the 18. Matt Cassel at QB, Laurence Maroney at RB for New England. Nice to see one big RB with big hair and a #39 jersey honoring his contract. Jarret Johnson DRILLS Chad Jackson to break up a quick hitch on third-and-9. Patriots punt.

MY GOD AM I GETTING SICK OF ALL THESE FUCKING STUPID QUICK HITCHES ON THIRD-AND-LONG. TRY TO GET THE YARDAGE! SO WHAT IF A DOWNFIELD PASS IS RISKIER? HOW ELSE DO YOU PLAN TO GET THE YARDAGE? WOULDN'T IT BE VALUABLE TO PRACTICE THROWING DOWNFIELD FOR NEEDED YARDAGE AGAINST LIVE COMPETITION? YOU KNOW IF YOU SCREW UP IN ONE OF THESE GAMES, IT DOESN'T COUNT IN THE STANDINGS, RIGHT?

The little girl who asks "What's special teams?" in the Madden 09 commercial? Probably the Rams' next special teams coach.

A holding penalty threatens to kill the Ravens' second drive early, but Boller hits Mason for a first down on 3rd and 11. A couple of short gains later, Boller is sacked on third and 4, Adalius Thomas strips the ball out and Ty Warren recovers for the Patriots. I think Richard Seymour got the first piece of Boller to set up Thomas for the sack. Give him an assist.

Cassel's quickly intercepted by Fabian Washington two plays later. He and Chad Jackson have an on-field discussion on Jackson's route. Jackson makes a motion as if to whack Cassel on the back of the head. So no doubt each player thinks the other was at fault.

Ravens on the go from their 23. Boller to TE Adam Bergen for 8. Inside handoff to LeRon McClain for the first. Great coverage by Lewis Sanders to break up a long bomb for Figurs. Baltimore's sure working to get him involved tonight. 6 to Marcus Smith gets another first, good throw by Boller. Rice gets thumped by Mayo at midfield to create a 3rd-5, and Smith can't come up with a low Boller fastball on 3rd down. Ravens punt. They almost coffin-corner it at the 2 but it gets in for a touchback.

Play action for Maroney loses 2. Catch and run for 12 on a screen, though, off a nice stop and go move. First down for the Pats at the 30 as the first quarter ends.

New England starts moving backward to start the 2nd, with a hold. LENGTHY delay to review a dropped ball on 1st-20 verifies the call on the field. A couple of runs do nothing, and a rollout left by Cassel does even worse - he loses seven. Fans are getting restless in New England. Really? After dodging Tank Williams at the start of the return, Figurs breaks Eric Alexander's tackle, gets the corner and shoots up the sideline for 60+ yards, getting taken down at the 2. McClain punches it in on the second try to give Baltimore a 10-0 lead. I've been waiting impatiently but we're starting to see big plays on returns now.

Perhaps taking pity on my quest, NFL Network skips a significant chunk of the second quarter here - nearly six minutes - so we now have 6:46 left in the half. Boller's still in there - and he throws a TERRIBLE pass, well short of his intended receiver, that's picked off by rookie LB Shawn Crable. Patriot ball at the Raven 40.

10-yard dart from Gutierrez to Marcus Pollard. Heath Evans over the left side for 4. Justin Bannan shoots right past the center and hits Gutierrez to force an incomplete pass, but Kevin Faulk wends his way with a draw for 1st down. Unforgivable that Baltimore would let that play work. Good block downfield by Pollard, though. Patriots spin their wheels at the 18, though, and settle for a FG attempt. Chad Jackson had a drop and a no-gain quick hitch during this sequence; if this is a make-or-break preseason for him as Criqui said, I'll bet on break. Gostkowski puts New England on the board with 3:21 left in the half. 10 to 3, Baltimore.

Figurs takes the kickoff two yards deep in the end zone and simply runs by everybody to get out across the Baltimore 45. Only problem is, he lets the kicker make the tackle. So the Ravens start near midfield, with Troy Smith running the offense. After a penalty, Smith guns one to Darnerien McCants for 31. Smith just fired a rope there. 2:00 warning. The Patriots stuff a run and a Smith scramble to force 3rd-and-7, on which McCants drops a spectacular pass that Smith got to him between two Patriots at the sideline at the 2. Stover hits again to extend Baltimore's lead to 13-3.

Slater gets some running room this time and brings the kick out to the 38. Gutierrez to a wide open FB Ray Ventrone for 14 across midfield. 1:06 left. 5 to Pollard, 3 to Slater, timeout. 41 seconds left, 3rd and 1 at the Raven 40. They spend 12 seconds on a 2-yard dive. Clock should have stopped ten seconds before it did, as one of the Ravens pulls the ball out of the pile and tries to run downfield with it. I'm surprised the refs did not reset the clock, and SHOCKED that Belichick did not complain. Gutierrez scrambles right away from a blitz and hits Evans at the 24 with 0:16 left. Next pass is over the middle and off Pollard's fingertips at the 5. 0:12 left. Sloppy throw for Slater is picked off - by Washington for his 2nd of the half. Hilarious celebration, Corey Ivy runs all the way to the sideline with Washington draped across his shoulders. 13-3 Baltimore at halftime.

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Well, that certainly wasn't a great half of offense, as none of the QBs on display exactly inspired any confidence. Of the four who played, probably only Smith deserved better than he got. Boller in particular continues to demonstrate he wasn't worth a first-round draft pick and never will be NFL starting material.

So maybe the Rams' 1st-round pick in 2003 was always doomed. Martz was supposedly interested in Boller, who stinks. RamView, if not also Rams Nation, loved Boss Bailey, who's maintained a career pattern by being injured every 15 minutes, including now in Denver. The Rams of course took Jimmy Kennedy, widely thought to be a top-5 pick, without thinking over why he maybe wasn't getting picked as high as he was "supposed" to be.

Then again, Ty Warren went to the Pats with the next pick, Troy Polamalu to Pittsburgh 4 picks later.

Back to the game, the only standouts were Figurs on returns and Washington for the two picks.

Peter Czech kicks off for Baltimore - wait a minute, isn't he Chelsea's goaltender? - and Slater returns it to the 30 to start the 2nd half for New England.

Wait a minute, how do I know who Chelsea's goaltender is?

Perhaps startled at my revelation I watch soccer now, Gutierrez fumbles the snap on 2nd down and it's recovered by Robert McCune at the Patriot 38. Troy Smith rolls right and spears Marcus Smith on the sideline for 15. Nothing shaking after that, including a STUPID FUCKING INSIDE HANDOFF on 3rd-and-7 that surprisingly gains nothing. Er, I mean nil, as Peter Czech hits from 37 to put Baltimore ahead 16-3. GOOOOOOOAL!

Showing NFL has truly entered the global era, CJ Jones is tackled at the 32 on the kick return by Haruki Nakamura. It must be the 21st century when there's Japanese free safeties on the field. Gutierrez hits Slater across the 50. Slater's actually having a nice outing here, but he has to leave due to a leg cramp. Lamont Jordan breaks through the Raven line for 10 and a first down at the Raven 35. 3rd-and-5 from the 30, Baltimore lets New England get away with a handoff, and BenJarvus Green-Ellis gains 9 down to the 21. How many last names does a guy need, anyway? Jailbreak on Gutierrez, including a blitzing safety, gets Amon Gordon a sack. 3rd-9 left after a Jordan carry. They try to screen against another blitz, but Jordan slips and never would have gained anything anyway. Unless you're throwing that to a little scatback like Darren Sproles, THAT PLAY DOESN'T WORK IN THE NFL ANY MORE, QUIT TRYING IT. DEFENSES HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. Gostkowski's FG makes it a 16-6 game.

Rice bobbles the kick in the end zone and considers running it out but gets wisely shut down by the up back. Smith gets flushed out of the pocket for incompletions on 1st and 2nd down, and on 3rd down, gets rushed into hitting Corey Ross out of the backfield for 9. At least they were trying to go upfield there.

In a sideline interview, Ray Lewis proclaims "my body is freakin' awesome right now." Kevin O'Connell is now at QB for New England. Jordan converts a third-and-one at midfield to keep this drive alive. O'Connell rolls left and scrambles for 8. O'Connell appears to audible with a blitz coming, and ends up scrambling for 16 more down to the Raven 25. 3rd quarter runs out from there with McCune getting escorted off the field with a leg injury.

3rd-and-11 from the 27: Gee, imagine this, THE QUICK HITCH DOESN'T GAIN THE FIRST DOWN. Even Belichick gets sucked into this cosmic shithole of crappy offensive playcalling in preseason. Another FG by Gostkowski, from 40, makes it 16-9.

Troy Smith stays as Baltimore's QB, though it seems like Joe Flacco should have gotten in by now. Smith throws it right to LB Eric Alexander on 1st down, but he can't quite come up with it. Smith recovers from that with an 18-yard bullet to Justin Harper. Smith continues to walk the tightrope when he nearly has a screen pass intercepted. 3rd-5 from the Baltimore 43, New England blitzes and just manages to stop Smith short of 1st down on the scramble. CJ Jones lights up a big "CUT ME" sign over his head by fielding the punt AT THE TWO, where he's swamped by Ravens.

Ventrone gets credit for a juggling catch on the way out of bounds out to the 25, though it takes replay to come to that conclusion. I'm not as sure as Jerome Boger that Ventrone got established his back foot in bounds after the bobble. Face mask penalty on Derrick Martin moves New England 15 more. False start at the 40. Stupid play on first down by, of all people, Troy Smith, who comes off the sideline to try to pick off an O'Connell pass on the sideline stripe. Not only is that dangerous, both for him and HIS OWN TEAM's defensive players, isn't it a penalty? Players are supposed to stay so many yards off the sideline. O'Connell throws an incomplete bomb on 2nd down to get us to 3rd and 10, which is also incomplete.

With 9:37 left in the game, Joe Flacco enters the game for Baltimore, taking over at their 34 after the punt. Lewis Sanders breaks up a quick comeback pass. Flacco shows no pocket awareness the next play, gets twisted by a couple of Patriots, and Pierre Woods forces a fumble that the Patriots wind up with. And so the Flacco Era in Baltimore remains on hold for the time being.

O'Connell hits Jones at the 18. Baltimore lets Jordan get away with another third-down draw play, and New England's inside the 10 now. 7:00 left. Jordan plows for 6 more down to the 1, then surges in for the TD for the next play. Belichick is a rare coach who understands to AVOID TIES in preseason. New England goes for 2. Good rush by Baltimore, though, results in a deflected pass. Brendan Ayanbedajo has made several plays here late. He also may have saved the game for Baltimore, since the fullback looked open in the flat for the deuce.

Flacco gets back behind the wheel at the Raven 28. New RB Alex Haynes gains 2 up the middle. Flacco fires low, hard and behind Harper for an incomplete. There was absolutely nothing right about that play. Flacco gets sacked by Kenny Smith on 3rd down for a 3-and-out.

Big punt by the Ravens, and Jim Leonard strips future-unemployed-football-player CJ Jones to give Baltimore the ball back at NE's 18. Allen Patrick gains 9 yards on 2 runs. Fullback comes up just short on 3rd-and-1. New England uses what is fortunately their last time out with 2:48 to go. The Ravens are PASSING on 4th-and-1, and Flacco's pass is engulfed by Vince Redd to turn the ball over. Terrible blitz pickup effort there by Patrick made the play by Redd possible.

O'Connell commits what the Baltimore announcers correctly claim is intentional grounding on New England's first play. He ran straight back and chucked it out of bounds under heavy pressure. He never left the pocket and there was no receiver remotely nearby. Doesn't matter; on 3rd down, he gets FOREVER to throw before getting dropped at the 1. The Patriots appear to be going for it on 4th-and-18 at the 1. O'Connell heroically dances around in the end zone for about a half hour, steps up and throws for CJ Jones....... WHO LETS IT GO OFF HIS CHEST, and it's intercepted by Ronnie Prude. On 4th down, Prude really should have let that drop, but in any event, Baltimore's falling on the ball here to run out the game. Ravens win, 16-15.

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Nothing settled at all for Baltimore at QB. Boller had OK numbers but two big, stupid mistakes. Troy Smith didn't have overwhelming numbers, but didn't make any stupid mistakes. The only thing that looks clear for the moment is that Flacco isn't ready. Thumbs up defensively to Washington for the two picks and Ayandebajo for a high number of 2nd-half plays. I liked O'Connell better than any New England QB that played tonight, keeping in mind that Brady didn't. Should have mentioned in the first half that Jerrod Mayo got thrown right into the fire and came out looking good. Pierre Woods also made a bunch of plays. Beyond that, there's not much to learn from a game where the Patriots barely played any starters.

Except that I hope CJ Jones has got his degree, because he's going to be job-hunting outside the pro football industry in the very near future.

15 down, 40 to go. Next game up: Buffalo vs. Washington.