Game 5: Seahawks 34, Vikings 17

OK, naptime's over. Game 5 arrives with our second Triple H reference in three hours, as the Minnesota broadcast identifies their stadium as the "H.H.H. Metrodome". Announcers: an AV-club-geek-looking guy named Ari Wolfe, and Mike Mayock, who I guess is paid so little by NFL Network, he has to moonlight.

Oh, and bad news, Vikings fans... I'm thinking your team is the team to beat in the NFC this year. That didn't work out very well for teams I predicted for the Super Bowl last year.

You mean they just deflate the giant inflatable Viking ship when they're done with it for pregame intros? Shouldn't they set it on fire and push it down the river?

Hey, it's Ann Carroll! Ooh, sideline closeups not serving her well...

The Vikings kick off and trip up Josh Wilson at the 25. Yes, the same guy about 8 Rams couldn't stop when they played here last season. Seahawks start in the hurry-up; Matt Hasselbeck hits Bobby Engram for 18. Starting Seahawk RB is Maurice Morris, not Julius Jones, who pops a draw play for 20. He got a terrific block from center Steve Vallos. Hasselbeck dodges Jared Freaking Allen and hits Engram for about 20 more inside the 20. Two plays later, Hasselbeck throws a beautiful 18-yard TD pass to Courtney Taylor, who Wolfe completely misidentifies, over the outstretched arms of a beaten Cedric Griffin. A large hole has been poked early on in my theory that Minnesota's defense will be dominant and carry them to the top of the NFC... 7-0, Seattle.

Three Seahawks immediately jump offsides to kick off Minnesota's first possession. Tarvaris Jackson rolls left and hits Jim Kleinsasser for about 15 to the 46. A second completion is called back for a hold. Yes, we have Adrian Peterson; no, we're not running. Vishante Shiancoe fumbles near midfield after a short reception and Seattle is back in business at the Vikings 43.

Wow, Seattle is running through the Minnesota defense like they're a bead curtain. Ben Leber overruns Morris in the hole, and with the Seattle o-line really taking care of business, he has plenty of room to run for about 20 more yards. Mayock's blaming the absence of Pat Williams for Minnesota's '05-Rams-like defensive play. On 3rd and about 8 from the Viking 10, Hasselbeck's dumpoff to Leonard Weaver comes up just short, leaving Olindo Mare to tack on 3 and put Seattle ahead 10-0. Game couldn't have started much better for them.

Oh, those NFC West special teams. Darius Reynaud has a gigantic lane to return Mare's kickoff, and is off to the races. The rookie would easily have had a touchdown had he not idiotically decided to try to run over Mare at midfield instead of putting a simple move on him. Mare hangs on and makes the tackle; Vikings' ball at midfield. Replay shows the super job the Viking wedge did on that kick return. Do the Rams ever even try to employ the wedge? Jackson hits Bernard Berrian for about 25. The Vikings HAVE ADRIAN PETERSON but have yet to even pretend they're going to run. After two lousy throws by Jackson into the flat, he scrambles left and finds Berrian again, down to the 6. I have deep love for the next play. Vikes in I-formation, play-action sweep left to (I think) Chester Taylor, Jackson rolls right, fullback Thomas Tapeh sneaks out of the backfield to that side as well, and they connect for a TD. 10-7, Seattle. Vikings have thrown 7 out of 8 plays. Jackson's shown he can get it downfield and throw on the run, but I'm not so sure about him making the shorter, controlled throws of the WCO.

Wilson's kick return for Seattle comes out to the 30. Seneca Wallace in for Seattle, so two series for Hasselbeck. Seahawk offense continues to run smoothly. Wallace hits a couple of passes and Morris busts loose for 9 more to put them near midfield. They'd better bench Morris soon; he'll be worn out for the regular season at this rate. They get another nice run, from TJ Duckett, then work an endaround to Taylor off a nice run fake for about 13 more. Vikings are completely helpless against the run tonight. Wallace hits Nate Burleson on the sideline at the 17, after which the Vikings finally stuff a run. I'm not a big fan of cut blocks, but when Julius Jones sends Jayme Mitchell beautifully flying with one the next play, he gives Wallace the time he needs to beat the Viking blitz and hit Jeb Putzier on a crossing pattern, which Putzier in turn turns up the sideline for a 15-yard TD. The Seahawks are clickin', gang. 17-7 with 1:35 still to go in the 1st quarter.

Albert Young's kick return is out to the 35. Jackson stays in. On 2nd-and-1, he isn't remotely close on a long bomb for Berrian, but he follows that with a good play, hitting Bobby Wade with a quick pass in the flat with Seattle blitzing on 3rd and 1. When Trufant blows the tackle miserably, Wade is off to the races for a 30-yard gain. Trufant's making a lot of money these days to be blowing tackles that pitifully. First quarter ends with the Vikes on Seattle's 36.

After Jackson hits Wade over the middle for 10 more, Trufant interferes with Sidney Rice to put the Vikings on the 1-yard line. Does Trufant even care tonight? Chester Taylor takes three tries, but punches it in from the 1 to make it a 17-14 game. Julian Peterson draws a personal foul after the play for taking off his helmet. Boy, Taylor barely got the ball in before Peterson met him in midair at the goal line. At the same time, though, quite a lack of composure tonight on the part of a couple of the Seahawks' defensive veterans.

Seattle takes over at their with Jordan Kent dropping a short pass. They try Kent deep on third and long but Wallace's throw is too deep. We have our first punt of the game with about 12:00 left in the half.

Vikings take over at their 34 with GUS FREROTTE at QB. Maurice Hicks makes a nifty 30-yard run, breaking through the line, getting a good block by WR Aundrae Allison and juking a couple of Seahawks to the ground. Frerotte draws Seattle offsides with a hard count - did he ever do that as a Ram? - and hits Martin Nance for a first down. They go for it on 4th-and-1 on the Minnesota 15, but the Seahawks do not buy the fake 90-flip and stuff the inside handoff to Tapeh for no gain. Seattle ball.

Julius Jones opens the next drive with a ten yard run, but gets stuffed by Erin Henderson on a 3rd-and-1 run a few plays later and is visibly pissed off. Pretty sure his unreliability on those kind of plays is why he's no longer in Dallas. Seattle punts - and oh, those NFC West special teams - and gets toasted by Jaymar Johnson for 23. About all he did was run up the middle of the field. Vikings ball at their 41.

With the running game getting shut down behind the likes of Albert Young, Frerotte hits Allison across midfield to convert a third down. Frerotte faces 3rd-and-8 at the Seattle 38 the next series but hits Allison again, over the middle for 26. We hit the long-awaited 2:00 warning for the first half. Feels like it should be the 2:00 warning for the game.

On 2nd-8 at the 10, Howard Green makes a key play for Seattle, working his way around trash down the line and finding Frerotte for a sack. I don't think that was a called stunt, but it worked that way. Nance drops a sideline pass on 3rd down that was WELL SHORT ANYWAY. Steve Hauschka ties the game at 17 with a FG from mid-30s range.

Seattle kneels to end the half.
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Awful play from some surprising culprits in the first half. Minnesota's #1 run defense? Awful, though without Pat Williams. Seattle's newly-very-rich CB Marcus Trufant? Awful and/or disinterested. The Seattle offense ran like a Timex with the starters in, with their o-line playing to its reputation. After a half you'd have to call Morris a lock to start for them at RB. Brad Childress is actually wisely passing with Jackson a lot to see what he can do. Early returns look pretty good, especially the chemistry Jackson's already got with Berrian. Vikings are winning the game decisively on special teams.
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Sorry for the delay... my halftime project was to download Notepad2 and make it my default editor, which thanks to Vista, was not possible in under FORTY FIVE MINUTES.

Kevin Calabro and Warren Moon now on narrative for Seattle. Calabro is nearly a dead ringer for Deputy Director Skinner of The X-Files.

Reynaud returns the second half opening kickoff across the 30. Brooks Bollinger is the new Minnesota QB, but on his second play, LB David Hawthorne hammers Albert Young to force a fumble and a golden opportunity for Seattle's offense.

Seattle gets very lucky on their second play. Rookie Tyrell Johnson puts his shoulder on the ball to blast it out of TJ Duckett's hands, with Eric Frampton coming alive to beat three Seahawks and recover it, but the play is wiped out by a penalty that sets Seattle up inside the 10. Wallace isn't remotely threatened by Minnesota's pass rush as he hits Trent Shelton between three guys for a 7-yard TD. 24-17, Seattle.

Vikings take over at their 25. Young powers them to about the 40. On 3rd-and-9, it's another play by Howard Green, who strips Bollinger, who gets lucky when the ball flutters right to his lineman Marcus Johnson. Seattle takes over at their 17 after a big 55-yard punt.

Wallace hits Michael Bumpus in stride for 20, then scrambles for 5. A bomb for Kent comes up short, but I certainly appreciate the effort to stretch the field unlike a lot of the dink-and-dunk crap I had to live through last night. On 3rd and 5, Seattle needed the TE to stay in and block, but when he didn't, the Vikings got a jailbreak blitz on Wallace and forced a grounding penalty. Former Ram Reggie Hodges has been handling Seattle's punting tonight and gets an ugly-looking one off here that Minnesota gets around their 35.

It's not your beauty, it's John David Booty now at QB for Minnesota. But on his first play, Seahawk LB Hawthorne puts his helmet on the ball and pops it out of Maurice Hicks' hands and about ten feet in the air. What a hit. Nice diving catch by Lance Laury puts Seattle in business in Minnesota territory yet again.

Bumpus saves Seattle from a 3-and-out with a 17-yard catch from Wallace near the goal line. Play-action on first-and-goal gives Wallace forever to hit Joel Filani in the back of the end zone for a short TD. Duckett sold the play-action beautifully. 31-17, Seattle, still 4:45 left in the 3rd quarter of a game that may never end.

Minnesota's show, from their 30. Booty beats a blitz with a screen to Young for about 15. Booty's having trouble connecting with his backs in the flat, though. Across midfield, the screen to Young works again for about 15 more. Lawrence Jackson sacks his college teammate Booty a play later and strips the ball loose. He beat Chase Johnson with very little problem. Jason Babin recovers for Seattle. Seattle's fifth forced fumble and 4th recovery.

Wallace is STILL in for the Seahawks. Otis Grigsby, who I'm very surprised to see Carolina let go after his success last preseason, has made a few plays tonight and stuffs the opening run of this drive. Wallace hits Bumpus again to get the first down, then Duckett fumbles AGAIN at midfield, and Minnesota recovers and gets to keep it this time.

Well, hold on there a minute; it sure looks on replay like the ground caused Duckett's fumble. Good challenge here by Humgrum. Heck, Duckett's knee and elbow were down, too. Not a very good live call by the officials. Call is reversed and Seattle keeps the ball near midfield. Owen Schmitt bangs up the sideline with a reception in the flat for about ten yards as the third quarter FINALLY ends.

Schmitt starts the 4th quarter with a play very similar to the previous one and gains 22 out of it. Cal rookie Justin Forsett has them down to the 6 after a couple of runs. Dee McCann bats away a pass to Firlani in the end zone to save 4 points. FG puts Seattle up 34-14.

Booty takes over from the Minnesota 25 and has a pass deflected by Jackson. Babin pancakes the Viking TE and eludes Young's blitz pickup attempt to get to Booty for a sack. Vikings surrender the drive with a handoff to Young and punt. Ben Obemanu rolls out to midfield with the punt return. Seattle's in business yet again.

Humgrum finally gives Wallace the rest of the night off and sends in Charlie Frye, you know, the guy I said would be Cleveland's starter last year. Or else they should quit messing around and just give the job to Quinn. The Vikings let Seattle across midfield before stuffing Forsett, tripping up Frye on a scramble to force a 4th-and-6. Humgrum intended to go for it but the offense took a delay-of-game penalty. The punt takes a funny bounce and Seattle attempts unsuccessfully to lobby for a turnover. Looked like they had a case to me.

Vikings from their 13, 6:30 left. No Booty call for Minnesota, though, as they three-and-out after the rook throws a weird incompletion while trying to run for his life on 3rd down.

With under 5:00 left, Humgrum is going to spend a year in hell every time he lets the clock stop. Forsett gains 6. He is good at keeping his legs churning and gaining yards after first contact. FIRLANI GOES OUT OF BOUNDS AFTER A COMPLETION. That's one year, Mike. Forsett pops through a big hole on the right side for 15. Play overrun badly by Erin Henderson. Most notably, Forsett STAYS IN BOUNDS. With 2:29 left, TE Joe Newton false-starts and earns a year in hell for stopping the clock. Now Forsett sweeps left for about 15 AND GOES OUT OF BOUNDS. Humgrum's up to three years as the 2:00 warning arrives.

Sorry, Forsett's run must have left it 4th and short, because when Frye chucks a bad incompletion out of bounds the next play, the ball goes back to Minnesota. Reynaud takes a short pass across midfield and OUT OF BOUNDS, stopping the clock at 1:07. TE Braden Jones DROPS a pass to stop the clock. Welcome to hell, buddy. WR Nate Jones is injured on the next play to STOP THE CLOCK AGAIN. Since he walks off, I'm also condemning him to hell. Kevin Hobbs bats down a slant pass as THE. CLOCK. STOPS. AGAIN. My God, this game is going to take 4 1/2 hours to wade through. Minnesota gets a first down AND CALLS TIMEOUT. Humgrum and Childress are going to have to watch the last two minutes of this in an endless loop while they atone for their sins in hell. Hawthorne knocks down a pass AND THE CLOCK STOPS AGAIN. 0:17 left. TIMEOUT MINNESOTA with 12 seconds left, outside the Seattle 20, down by 17 points. ROAST IN HELL CHILDRESS. Booty takes a shot at the end zone. INCOMPLETE. CLOCK STOPS! Howard Green intecepts a Booty pass deflected by Laury to finally end this thing. Green is my hero. Seattle 34, Minnesota 17.
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Game was worth the effort for Seattle fans. The starting offense ran with machine-like efficiency. The offensive line was impressive. Wallace did a credible job at QB backing up Hasselbeck. Seattle's D forced tons of forced errors. And they've got lesser-known guys like David Hawthorne, Howard Green and Michael Bumpus stepping up and making plays. Pretty much the perfect preseason game for Seattle. Well, if you ignore Trufant. I don't know what was up with him. Minnesota's defense looked nothing like its usual self and is a unit you'd have to worry about if they start taking on injuries, especially to Pat Williams. Grigsby was probably the standout player defensively. Good news is, Tarvaris Jackson looked capable of running the offense tonight, and being able to come away from the game with that comfort probably makes it a successful night for Minnesota.

We'll be diving right into game 6 next, Giants at Lions.