Game 19: Whiners 34, Packers 6

OK, I'm not just watching Whiner games back-to-back, I'm watching TWO Whiner games at the same time! Starting Week 2 Packers-at-Whiners while I finish up Whiners-at-Raiders from Week 1.

A life? What's that?

Just rip my heart out and stomp on it. Isaac Bruce starting this game for the Whiners.

49ers return the opening kickoff out to the 18 with JT O'Sullivan starting. He misses Josh Morgan badly on a shallow cross. 2nd down pass is well behind Bruce, wearing #88, and it's 3rd-and-10 already. O'Sullivan hard counts the DE offside and hits Vernon Davis for 14 on the free play. Frank Gore off LT for 6, tackled by - Brandon Chillar. The blitz runs right by Gore on the draw play but he still only gets 2. 5-wide, empty backfield on 3rd-and-2. Davis runs a little flare, discards Chillar like a little bitch and gains 15 up the sideline and across midfield. O'Sullivan gets flushed and scrambles left for 7. 3rd-3, Bruce tries to run a stop-and-go but is held by Charles Woodson. No call made. Don't expect me to feel sorry for ya, Ike, you're a Whiner. 49ers punt. Mike Carey's crew is calling, or not calling, this game.

Aaron Rodgers opens in the shotgun, empty backfield and hits Donald Driver at the 15. Offside gives Green Bay a first down at the 20. Flare to Jordy Nelson for 8 leaves the Packers with 3rd-and-2. Whiners jump offside again; Donald Driver just misses about a 40-yard diving catch. 1st-10 at the Packers 32. Naked bootleg screen to Donald Lee gains 12 more. Manny Lawson gets a sack after Ray McDonald whips Chad Clifton with an inside move and flushes Rodgers into him. On 2nd-and-17, Rodgers has to scramble and throw it away. Third down, Rodgers has to throw it away again with a blitzing Shawntae Spencer in his face. Good shutdown defense by S.F.

49ers start from their 8, and Gore hits a small hole for a 12-yard gain. Woodson breaks up a sideline pass on first down, and a short pass to Delanie Walker gets squat on 2nd down. The SF announcer just called Brandon Chillar "one of the best in the business." Did he mistake him for AJ Hawk? 3rd down, good pressure forces an incomplete screen pass. SF punts.

Packers start from their 20 after a penalty on the punt return. San Fran's THIRD offside of the quarter gives GB 2nd-and-5. Nate Clements breaks up/interferes with a pass to Driver, and Walt Harris holds Driver to 4 on an underneath pattern, leading to a Packer punt.

Allen Rossum brings the *57* yard punt back to the SF 20. They'll start at the 8 thanks to a hold on the return. Gore for 4. Gore trips on 2nd down and gains maybe a yard. O'Sullivan throws a TERRIBLE third down pass, intended for Davis, except there's two players in front of him, including Woodson, who picks it off. Woodson fumbles but swats the loose ball out of bounds, putting GB in imminent scoring position. What a stupid fucking play by O'Sullivan. Please start him against the Rams, Martz.

That Mike Martz sure knows his QBs.

Things don't go much better for the Packers. Donald Lee flat out DROPS a pass wide open in the end zone, then Isaac Sapoaga gets San Fran's second sack of Rodgers. He has to throw away the third down pass. Quite a stand for the Whiners. Mason Crosby pops the scoreboard cherry with a short FG. 3-0, Green Bay, with just under 2:00 left in the 1st.

Crosby blasts the kickoff eight yards deep for a touchback. DeShaun Foster runs for 5, then no gain. O'Sullivan's immediately in trouble on the naked bootleg screen and fires an incompletion. 49ers punt. Wacky return includes a lateral from Will Blackmon to Atari 2600 Bigby just when the official is starting to wave the play dead. Offsetting penalties force a re-kick. VIVA PRESEASON! Blackmon returns the re-punt to the Packer 38. Brandon Jackson gains a couple as the first quarter runs out.

Jackson's stopped for a couple more as we come back. 3rd down, Rodgers has ALL DAY to throw but
never unloads, taking his third sack of the half courtesy of Justin Smith. Starting to look like Rodgers' good game last week had a lot more due to playing against Cincinnati than anything else.

Rossum fields the punt inside the 5 and returns it to the 13. DeShaun Foster is the new RB, gaining 7 on first down. He follows a convoy of blockers for 7 more. 8 more yards on 2 rushes brings us to 3rd-and-2 from the SF 35. O'Sullivan hits Morgan for 4. Foster dodges Brady Poppinga in the backfield to pick up 6. Endaround to Walker gains maybe 1. THERE's a Mike Martz play. And now Martz has to blow a timeout. I'm starting to feel at home here. The RT just false started? THIS REALLY IS a Mike Martz team! 3rd-and-8. ANOTHER TIMEOUT! IT'S LIKE MARTZ KNOWS I'M WATCHING! Frisco is denied the timeout because you can't call two in a row. So where's the flag? Doesn't matter; O'Sullivan makes a big 20 + completion to Jason Hill. Whiners now at the Packer 33. Packers blitz big on 3rd-3, hippie fullback Zak Keasey picks it up, and O'Sullivan hits Morgan on a corner route at the 4. Foster gains half the distance. 2nd down, the Packers stonewall Foster at the goal line, and he comes up well short on 3rd down. Frisco going for it on 4th and goal. Foster gets nothing in the end zone except the football when he reaches, but the rule says that's all you need, and SF takes the lead, 7-3.

Packers from their own 16. No gain on the 1st down pass to James Jones. Rodgers can't find anybody and gets swamped by Markus Curry for a big sack. Unbelievably, Green Bay gets it all back on a screen to Vernand Morency for a first. Morency gains 1 as the 2:00 warning hits. Spencer breaks up a pass to Driver on 2nd-and-9, and Rodgers' 3rd-down pass to Nelson is short and brings on the punting team.

Rossum is downed at the 28. 1:35 left. We'll see how O'Sullivan fares in the 2:00 offense. Hell, I'll be impressed if every pass he throws is to his own guys. Incomplete sideline overthrow on 1st down; quick slant to Dominique Ziegler for 13 on 2nd. O'Sullivan hangs Foster out to dry and he gets ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED by Patrick Lee. Hit of the preseason so far. O'Sullivan and his funky sidearmed, shot put motion find Morgan ALL ALONE downfield for a 59-yard TD. Morgan shook his defender at the line and the Packer safety Blackmon looked to be caught way out of position. 14-3, Whiners. 58 seconds left.

Tramond Williams shut down at the 15 on the kick return. Rodgers nearly gets picked off by Dashon Goldson but Mike Carey overrules the play on replay. About 5 to Driver on 2nd down, and the clock keeps running. GB appears to be throwing in the towel here. Rodgers scrambles out of bounds just short of the first down with :07 left. Rodgers finished the half 9-16-58. Green Bay, Wisconsin just went on Red Alert Favre. Rossum gets clotheslined by Jason Hunter on the punt return as the half ends.
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Truly rotten half for Aaron Rodgers. Going against the Bengal defense is one thing, the 49er defense is something else altogether. 49er secondary continues to look solid. No catches for Ike, but Josh Morgan's looking like one of the surprises of this year's draft. Especially if Mike Martz can find him anybody who can get him the ball. Sullivan looks awful again outside of that TD bomb.


We switch to Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon on the Green Bay broadcast. Green Bay had 46 total yards in the first half, much of it their 1's vs. San Francisco's 2's. Not good.

Jackson brings a short kickoff back to the Packer 28. Noah Herron in at RB, gains 6 on an inside handoff. Brian Brohm is the new QB. Brohm hits the TE, whose name I hear as "Joey Anus", for a first down. 2nd down from the GB 48, a terrible Brohm throw is picked off by Donald Strickland. And dropped. Viva preseason! Good sideline throw to Jake Allen, but he doesn't get both feet down, forcing a punt. Which goes into the end zone.

New 49er QB is Alex Smith. Thomas Clayton is still RB. He gains nothing on first down. Clayton gains 6 up the middle. Harlan may be the only announcer so far who has cared enough to tell the fans all of the 2nd-half Packer offensive and defensive starters. Smith hits Ziegler for 7 and a first. Smith's deep bomb for Morgan is underthrown and broken up by Jarrett Bush. 3 to Morgan. 3rd and 7. Smith gets plenty of time and hits Morgan again, beating Bush again, for 27 to the Packer 38. Quick hitch for Ziegler is a wacky wild pitch. 2nd-10. Smith barely dodges a sack and throws it away. 3rd down: Packers blitz big and blow up a screen; Smith finds his secondary receiver Ziegler, but not for enough to get a 1st down. That still gets Nedney close enough for a 49-yard FG attempt, which he hits. 17-3, San Francisco.

57-yard kick return by Jordy Nelson. He hit a seam and made a loop backward downfield to change directions. Exciting play. Packers start at the 49er 33. Holding on Green Bay screws that up immediately. The Preseason Holy Trinity - Short Pass, Drop, Failed Screen Pass - set Crosby up for a 49-yarder, which he hits. 17 to 6.

Kicker Ricky Schmitt saves a TD on the kickoff return by -blasting- Nelson out of bounds. How come everybody has forgotten the fine art of eluding the kicker on long returns?

Flo, the clerk from the Progressive Insurance commercials - would ya?

Apparent wormhole activity in the San Francisco area moves us ahead a possession. Green Bay has
the ball again, on their own 11, with 5:11 to go in the third. I'd bet we lost a S.F. 123-kick. The center snaps too early, and the Packers turn the ball over to San Fran at the GB 16. Um, shouldn't the center know the snap count for any given play?

49ers from the GB 16. Two Clayton runs up the middle get them down to the 8. Smith well overthrows wide open Jason Hill in the end zone. Should have been a TD. 49ers go for it on 4th and11 down. Jarrett Bush wrestles with Cameron Colvin the whole way into the end zone for a DPI. 1st-goal, Frisco at the one. Offsides, Green Bay. 1st-goal, Frisco at the one-half. Moran Norris plunges into the end zone and we have a blowout, 24-6, San Francisco. I would not have seen this coming in a hundred years the way these two teams played last week. Hell, I wouldn't have seen it coming after the way O'Sullivan played in the first half.

Packers at the 25 after Brandon Jackson's kick return. Herron pops off a 14-yarder through a big hole made by Darryn Colledge to get the Pack out to the 45. Brohm fires to Jake Allen for 10 and a first down across midfield as the third quarter FINALLY ends.

The Great Lumpkin in for the Packers at RB. Brohm throws a hideous deep pass incomplete. I think he threw it end over end. One of the ugliest-looking non-deflected passes I've ever seen. The Pack go for it on 4th-7 at the SF 39. Brohm hits Taj Smith, and he drops it. 49er ball.

VIVA PRESEASON!

Shaun Hill is the new 49er QB. On 3rd and 12, he hits Ziegler for 17, at the Packer 47. Mike McCarthy challenges the completion. Good, this game wasn't getting LONG ENOUGH yet. No dice from Carey, SF gets the play. Hill underthrows a long ball for Ziegler, who can't make the acrobatic catch. No matter - Green Bay gives them 15 the next play with a face mask penalty. End around to Jason Hill should have lost 5 but gains 15 after he breaks three tackles, down to the 15. Incomplete swing pass to the hippie fullback sets up 3rd and 6. Hill guns it to Colvin but Bush breaks it up. Schmitt gets the FG to put the 49ers in a 27-6 lead.

New Packer QB is Matt Flynn. The 7th-rounder is rumored to be on even footing with Brohm the 2nd-rounder. Here goes Nelson, for 58 yards! He gets run out of bounds by the kicker again! AAAGH! Flynn hits Johnny Quinn down to the 20. After that, they start moving backward - penalty, sack. 3rd-19 from the SF31, Colledge, who's been getting smoked all quarter, gets whipped by Tully Banta-Cain, who nails Flynn and forces a fumble the 49ers recover.

PLEASE RUN THE CLOCK OUT, MARTZ. Whiners three-and-out after a third-and-long screen pass comes up well short. EVEN MIKE MARTZ IS NOT IMMUNE TO THE INFECTION THAT CAUSES OFFENSIVE COORDINATORS TO RUN LAME PLAYS IN LONG-DISTANCE SITUATIONS IN PRESEASON.

Green Bay's pinned near their goal line after the punt. They also three-and-out and punt.

THRILLSVILLE. 3:30 left.

Allen Rossum hits a spin move, breaks two tackles, has two other Packers dive at his feet and miss, and scores a fairly easy 68-yard punt return TD. PAT good, San Francisco 34, Green Bay 6.

Good grief.

Lumpkin breaks off a 21-yard run, across midfield to the SF 40, as we reach the 2:00 warning from GOD. 4th-1 from the SF 31, Lumpkin gets the first down. 1:17 left. Swing pass to Joey Anus.

DOWN EIGHTEEN POINTS, GREEN BAY CALLS A TIMEOUT. ROT IN HELL, MIKE MCCARTHY. ROT IN HELL.

TE Evan Moore fumbles the ball away after a tough hit; he's injured; this game is in effect over with
0:22 left. Third fumble of the half.
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Quarterbacking was a disaster for both teams. Passer ratings tonight: Rodgers 64.1, Brohm 54.4, O'Sullivan 74.1, Alex Smith 58.3, Shaun Hill 52.9. Rodgers took too many sacks; O'Sullivan and Brohm made too many bad throws; Smith and Hill don't have good arms. It's impressive that Josh Morgan and Jordy Nelson have been able to emerge as receiving threats from this miasma of incompetent quarterbacking.


19 down, 46 to go, counting the Chargers-Rams game as the starter game for week 2.