Game 14: Chargers 31, Cowboys 17

From the home of possibly the greatest cheerleading squad in NFL history, it's the Chargers and the Cowboys. And no, the game is in San Diego - whose cheerleaders did you think I was talking about? Have you seen the San Diego cheerleaders, by the way? As the kids say these days, OMG.

Ron Pitts and Billy Ray Smith are back once again for your Chargers preseason broadcast enjoyment.

Chargers open the game at their 20. Darren Sproles up the middle for 3, as LaDainian Tomlinson is of course out. (What does he think this is - the AFC Championship Game?) One of Jerry Jones' new corps of criminals, Tank Johnson, takes Rivers down for -6. Good pressure by Dallas again, with the Chargers throwing a FREAKING STUPID SCREEN PASS. Guess if they made the first?

After the punt, Dallas, which has a lot of fans there, takes over at their own 45. Tony Romo hits Jason Witten over the middle for 9. Marion Barber bounces a run outside and left for 5. First down. Romo to Witten for 8. Nice cutback run by Barber behind dominating blocks by Andre Gurode and Flozell Adams gains 15. 4 more for Barber down to the Charger 14. False start on Marc Colombo. No problem - Romo hits a wide-open Patrick Crayton on a shallow cross for 17, down to the 2. Inside handoff to Barber here gains nothing. Inside handoff to fullback Deon Anderson works, though, and Dallas takes a 7-0 lead. Excellent drive by the Cowboys, who can feel free to rest their starters the rest of the night.

Sproles gets a returnable kick and brings it to the 30. Phillip Rivers remains at QB for San Diego and hits Chris Chambers for 7. 5 more to Chambers off a quick hitch for a first down. That's it for San Diego, though, as Dallas rookie CB Mike Jenkins breaks up the next third-down pass. Dallas' good defense is wasted when Danny Amendola fumbles the punt return, Paul Oliver shouldering the ball out.

Zach Thomas drops Sproles for a 3-yard loss at the Dallas 35. Rivers throws a bomb into double coverage in the end zone that seems ill-advised, but Ken Hamlin interferes with Chambers to give San Diego the ball at the 1. Where Sproles can't jam it in. And Jacob Hester can't jam it in, until the second try, when he busts clean over left tackle for the TD. Tie game at 7.

Alonzo Coleman bobbles the kickoff at the goal line and only gets out to the 17 on his return. Brad Johnson takes over for Romo, and Felix Jones replaces Barber. The new guys connect for a 1-yard screen pass. Jones cuts back a pitch right for 19 to make up for that. Clinton Hart swoops in and thumps Jones to prevent a big gain on 2nd down. Johnson hits Crayton open over the middle again, though, for 15 and a first. Ball at the San Diego 45 at the end of the first quarter.

I don't know what the HELL Johnson was doing on the first play of the 2nd quarter, under pressure, he lobbed one directly to Quentin Jammer, the only player anywhere nearby, for a pick. DOH!

Rivers stays in and hits Chambers for 21 down to the Dallas 34. 21 more on a screen to the speedy Sproles. Cowboys jump, and veteran center Jeremy Newberry catches him for a free 5. All the announcers can do is go on about the shotgun snap flying by an unready Rivers. So in their minds, a penalty saved Newberry and the Chargers from a wild snap, giving Newberry no credit for making the veteran play of snapping early to catch the defense offsides. From the 5, Sproles picks his way through Dallas traffic for a TD. 14-7, San Diego. I guess I am surprised that Sproles is the heir apparent for Michael Turner's role. Can he take the pounding at his size?

Dallas starts again from just across their 20. We're not seeing a lot of good kick returning this preseason. Last preseason the coverage units couldn't stop anybody. Hart breaks up a second down pass to Martellus Bennett, followed by Shaun Phillips whipping the TE on third down and getting a piece of Johnson's arm to force a wounded duck.

Just as I was complaining about short returns, Sproles tears off around Justin Rogers and up the left sideline with a huge punt return. 25 yards to the Dallas 43. Billy Volek is the new Charger QB. Mike Tolbert hears Orlando Scandrick's footsteps on a 3rd-and-2 swing pass that he bobbles and drops. Doesn't keep the Chargers from scoring, as Nate Kaeding hits a 53-yard bomb. 17-7, San Diego.

Johnson hits Tony Curtis for 9 on second down, but Antoine Cason breaks up a quick slant to force a 3-and-out. Pretty play by Cason, perfectly timed. Mark Jones pops the punt return up the middle for 19. Chargers take over at their 47.

Hester collides his way across midfield with a couple of carries, but the Cowboys get plenty of pressure on Volek on third down to force a bad throw. Mike Scifres accomplishes a preseason rarity by killing the punt inside the 5.

The Cowboys follow that by never getting off their own 2. On first down, Johnson has to dive back up the middle with the ball on a busted play. Johnson does hit Sam Hurd with a difficult pass for 5 on the sideline, but Marques Harris blitzes in on 3rd down and drops Johnson back on the 2. Mark Jones threatens to pop another return for the distance, bringing it back 16 to the Dallas 33. Mat McBriar needs to get more on his punts than we've seen the last couple.

Volek goes up top for Craig Buster? Davis, and he's interfered with by Alan Ball, giving San Diego the ball at the 7-yard line. I thought Alan Ball was directing that new vampire show on HBO. It's Tolbert putting the bite on the Cowboys, though, powering in from the 2 to give San Diego a 24-7 lead.

Dallas' kick return is shut down at their 17. 3:50 left in the half as Johnson hits Miles Austin for 11. End around to Isaiah Stanback gets 8. Felix Jones takes a screen pass the next play for about 30, showing great upfield acceleration. 2:00 warning.

3rd and 10, 1:30 left, Johnson hits Austin with a pinpoint pass for 16 down to the 19. The Charger D draws the line there. Antoine Cason holds Austin to just 2. Carlos Polk sacks Johnson on 2nd down. Draw to Jones gets about 4 and brings the FG unit on with 0:04 left in the half. Nick Folk puts it through to make it 24-10.
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The halftime score may make everybody forget the ease with which Dallas scored their first TD. I think that was the starters' only possession. Johnson's been under pressure a lot, and San Diego's made it hard for him to find receivers, but that's the second string. Felix Jones and Marion Barber look like they are going to be a hell of a scary combination. Hell, Jones by himself looks scary. He can already accelerate as well as anybody in the NFL. Defensive kudos to Zach Thomas and Mike Jenkins. San Diego's go to Clinton Hart on D, Sproles on offense, and the special teams overall, where Kaeding has the long FG, Sproles and Mark Jones have been dangerous on punt returns, and Scifres has been effective on punts.


Scandrick slips and can only return the second-half kickoff to the 17. New Dallas QB is Richard Bartel. Tashard Choice is the new RB. Bartel hits Bennett for 9, and Choice converts the 1st. The Chargers prove not to be pro-Choice by stuffing him a couple of times. Guess how well the stupid fucking screen pass works on 3rd-and-long?

I just realized we're not going to get to see the answer to the San Diego trivia contest. Who's the new Charger that has a tattoo of his grandfather on his arm?

ANOTHER big punt return for Mark Jones, 21 yards out to the 45. He's pretty much juked the first man down every time and gotten a wall of blockers. San Diego stays with the Volek / Hester / Tolbert backfield. Hester shows fullback size with tailback moves in bouncing a run outside behind a fine block by Tolbert for 21. Chargers at the Dallas 25. Volek goes up top for the end zone but his receiver is taken down at the 5 by - Pacman Jones. 'Bout time Dallas got some karmic retribution for that move. Two plays later, Hester plunges in from the 2 for the TD. Another good block by Tolbert, making Bobby Carpenter look bad. 31-10, San Diego.

Dallas opens back up for business at their 25. Dallas really has Bartel firing sideline patterns. Austin catches about the 4th one this drive to get across midfield with a 21-yard catch-and-run. Oliver breaks up a 3rd-and-2 pass for Sam Hurd. From the S.D. 39, Dallas goes for it, and Bartel hits Austin for 12. Another sideline route. Choice waltzes in for a 20-21-yard TD a couple of plays later. Lots of nice cutback running by both teams tonight. Score is now 31-17 in San Diego's favor.

I can't identify the whole Dallas broadcast crew. Moose Johnston's on color, Mickey Spagnola's on the sideline, I'm not sure on the play-by-play announcer. VERY short kickoff is returned by San Diego to their 33. New Charger backfield: Charlie Whitehurst at QB, Marcus Thomas at RB. Don't the Colts have a Marcus Thomas? Whitehurst takes a big hit from Scandrick trying to scramble on 2nd down, and hits Thomas with a useless short pass, leading to a Charger punt from around their own 40.

Dallas starts from their 12 now. They pick up an initial first down as the third quarter runs out.

Main Dallas RB now appears to be Alonzo Coleman. Fullback dive by Julius Crosslin on 3rd-and-1 doesn't get the first. Dallas uses its second timeout of the drive here on 4th-and-1 from the 33. Wow - Wade Phillips called a timeout just to decide to punt? That's pretty messed up. We don't get to see the punt, but San Diego's getting the ball again, at their 27.

A hold moves the Chargers back 10. 3rd-and-11 after Whitehurst hits Malcom Floyd for 7. Whitehurst hangs tough in the pocket and hits Gary (not Tony) Banks with a very tough sideline pass for the first down. 3rd and 5 two plays later, Whitehurst hits TE Wade Betschart at midfield to move the chains again. With 7:30 left, they're facing 3rd-and-4 now after a couple of Thomas runs. Off play action, Whitehurst disappointingly overthrows Floyd by a mile. Norv'll punt with 7:02 left. Guess where it ends up.

Dallas from their 20 after the touchback. Three straight incompletions on bad throws by Bartel. Phew.

This hasn't been McBriar with the bad punts, it's Dallas's camp punter, Jay Ottovegio. Thanks for playing. Chargers resume pleasantries from their 31. Eldra Buckley runs for 8 and a first down, which is nice, but goes out of bounds, which isn't. Dallas announcers are ignoring the game at this point so they can masturbate about the Taj Jerry the Cowboys'll be playing in next season. Let's see if the Rams ask for one of those in five years or so. 3:49 left, Chargers at midfield, 3rd and 4. Thomas breaks through the middle for 11. Thomas and company continue to do a nice job grinding up yards an clock, and we're down to 2:00.

Naturally, San Diego gains nothing on 3rd-and-1. Even more naturally, the clock STOPS for a Dallas injury. Thomas saves the day by driving a pile five yards for this game's coups de grace.

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Ignore the final score - the Dallas offense looked very imposing, and Marian Barber and Felix Jones look like they will be a lethal combination. Mike Jenkins and Zach Thomas stood out to me defensively. This Cowboy team is really loaded. Great balance of speed and power, talented rookies and experienced veterans. I'm not sure how anybody can screw this team up, though I'm sure somebody will find a way. For instance, it's hard to think the offense could survive losing Romo.

Just about anybody the Chargers plug in at RB these days looks good. I like Sproles, I like Hester, heck, I even like Tolbert. They're also excelling on special teams, where Sproles and Mark Jones had big punt returns, and Kaeding and Scifres are kicking the stuffing out of the ball.

Hard not to like where both of these teams are at this point.

14 down, 61 to go. Up next: Patriots vs. Ravens.